To not date him any more?

[kay770]

Wasn't really looking to meet anyone but met a nice man through work.

We get along well, he seems very nice so far, funny, we have good chat etc but I haven't felt that "wow" feeling yet.

Been on 3 dates.

Date 1- split the bill, absolutely fine no issues with this. Pub meal and drink around £30 total for both.

Date 2- small restaurant and the waitress was being awkward about splitting the bill, I had my card out so just paid and said we would sort it later. He said "I'll get the meal the next time we go out". This was around £60 for both.

Date 3- lunch deal in a small local bar/restaurant. £20 for both of us including drink. When waitress approached to take payment I was expecting him to pay given the previous conversation, however when she asked he said "we will split it" so we each paid half.

It's given me a bit of the ick and I'm not sure I want to go on any more dates.

I'm fine with going halves, it's fair after all. But it's put me off that I've paid for a far more expensive meal out, and then he couldn't even get me a cheap lunch on return? It still wouldn't have been "even" as such but it's just the gesture would have been nice!

I don't know his financial situation, but he's in a more senior role to me.

AIBU not to date him any more? Or is this normal in this day and age (haven't dated in a while!)

Apart from getting the Ick at his miserliness, I would be embarrassed for him.

Telling the Waitress you are splitting the bill for a cheap lunch when you splashed out on Dinner last time and paid for parking? Mortifying. 😳

There is no way he forgot
about the Dinner, so he's pretty shameless.

He also may be testing your generosity at an early stage.
You have a house he can move into if he plays his cards right. 😶

Why is everyone assuming there’s going to be a fourth date? And that OP will want to hang around to see if Mr No Wow Factor pays his way this time?

I would have done this too, and not even in a "confrontational" sense, just... "it's your turn to pay, as you said you would last time". It wouldn't be a big deal.

I wouldn't boil his entire personality down to this one moment though. What was the rest of the date like? Was he funny, what was the chat like, what are his views on the world? I suspect he wasn't great, so the non-payment is taking on outsize importance for the OP.

I wouldn't bother. He sounds tight.

It's a no from me.

Like you said it's the gesture not the amount. It wasn't that you spent £60 and then lunch was £20 and you felt like you were cheated it was a case of you paid the last one so he should pay for this one regardless of price.

I would move on

I'm not wound up about it, I was asking here because as I said I've not dated in a long time this may be the new normal!

I also have a generous spirit, not only with money but with my time etc. I'm a very giving and caring person and I suppose this just hasn't given me the vibe that he is the same.

I am picking up OP that you have people pleasing tendencies. Worrying about not expressing your needs by reminding him he promised to pay because you feel bad doing so (even though he was the one who said this!) worrying about whether he only has £10 left in his bank account.

His feelings or finances are not your responsibility. It's lovely that you are giving and caring but dont let that blind you to his actual behaviour. Has he been giving and caring towards you? really consider this.

He rents and he's stingy. Get rid.You have a good job, a mortgage and children. You need someone who can enhance your life and this man is not it.

Dump. You need someone who will enhance your life. This isn't it

You've only been on three dates, so I think speculating about how financially stable he might be and what would happen if you moved in together is a bit premature.

In all honestly, you don't sound very into him. Even without the bill-splitting business, there's nothing you've said that makes it sound like you actually fancy him. You really don't have to settle for a relationship just because someone is reasonably good company, you know. You can set your bar higher.

See what he does next time then decide.

I wouldn’t bother seeing him again. Problem is the issue is in the front of your mind now and it kind of sets a tone in that you will always be on alert for if he’s being a bit of a piss taker with the bill. He’s either tight or thoughtless and you feel uncomfortable raising it in the moment (which I understand I would too) but do you really want to be going over this in your head every time you go out for a meal with someone?

I know it's premature to think about moving in 🤣 and that won't happen anyway, it was more in a sense of- I've got limited time and energy, if I did keep seeing him and it eventually went somewhere would it actually be what I want/enhance my life/ be a good partnership.

I do fancy him, but haven't had that "wow" butterflies feeling, he's really great to speak to, we have a similar upbringing and background, he's attractive and all things like that.

I won't be settling I've been single years and I've not been looking to meet anyone, this dating situation kind of just happened and I wasn't sure if my expectations are wrong.

He has shown that he is not generous and nor is he thoughtful of others. You would be wasting your breath trying to ask him to treat you with consideration, and you shouldn't degrade yourself by doing so.

Walk away from this one and be glad he showed his character early on and you didn't waste your time.

I'd be mortified if I did this with a friend let alone a date!! Not a keeper, no need for date 4, he's shown who he is.

As would I!

I am a bit of a people pleaser to the pp that pointed that out 🙈

Thank you,
I was going to buy a place with my partner who earns a third of what I do but now I'm just going to dump them.
Who wants a cock lodger?
By the way my partner is a female so she can work it out on her own.

Massive ick.

He sounds underwhelming, self centred and a bit immature so no I wouldn't be going for another date. Like a pp mentioned, I wouldn't treat a friend like that let alone a potential love interest.

Your voice? I would´ve said, I´ll let you pay this time as I paid the last, with zero compunction. They treat you as you let them treat you.

Sounds like the sort who could peel an orange in his pocket.

If you think it's worth pursuing, ask if it's him or money that's tight. If not, move on.

My dad always said “judge a man by how generous he is”.

Just no. Bin him. He doesn’t think you are worth investing in and zero generosity and good etiquettes. My father always advised me to stay away from misers - they make life unbearable . You deserve better .

I had a boyfriend before my husband and on a date ( for drinks at a pub only ) we stood at the bar to order and when it was time to pay he just stood there so I ended up paying!

Gave me the ick.

People rarely forget about money related agreements! He should have got the next one whether it was expensive or not!

Ugh that is so embarrassing. I definitely see nothing wrong with going halves but what he’s doing is different to that, especially making a show that his will pay next time then asking to split a £20 bill! Absolutely not. I’m assuming he’s over the age of 18?! If so, toss him to the side OP.