Really annoyed.. School mum..wwyd?

[Theamericanz]

My dd is friends with a child in school who has recurrent headlice. The school mum is an acquaintance through our dds & every time her daughter gets a dose of the lice she texts me rather accusingly to "check my daughters hair". I do this weekly & she is always in the clear. She isn't texting any other mums as I've asked a close friend from the class... I'm actually getting very upset over the constant messages! Aibu? What do I reply.. Tonight I said "dds out at a match, I'll check when she gets in".. She saw the message didnt reply.. I dutifully checked dds hair with the nitty gritty all clear.. I text back "dds hair all clear. Best of luck treating your dd". Read n reply. Aibu to be seriously pissed off & where do we go from here. My dd is not the culprit!

Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. I can't sleep after tonight's messages. This is about the sixth or seventh time something similar has happened.

Are her messages definitely accusatory or is she warning you because your daughters are friends and she’s giving you a heads up?

if definitely the former just ignore the messages. She’ll get the hint eventually.

Send her a video of you going through with the nitty gritty. She clearly doesn't believe you. I'd say 'is there any reason you're specifically feeling like the lice are coming from us?'

The thing is I've checked with another mum who is a good friend of mine & she's never received a message re the lice.. Tonight's message "X has lice, you really should check dd"..

Yes I think I'll start ignoring as she doesn't reply to the one where I say dds hair is clear.. I actually sent her a photo tonight of two spray in conditioners that I have always used on dd which are lice repellents & actually work as dd doesn't get them (last case 3 years ago) & she gets the nitty gritty once a week as her hair is very long.

Your reply.
Thanks for the warning about the nits. I’ll tell DD to keep her distance, I don’t want them passing on to her.

Have you informed the school? There may be precautions that could be taken in the classroom to limit the child to child infestation - relevant at the moment with nativity plays and shared costumes coming up.

Next time she writes to you, reply with this:

"So sorry to hear that xxx has head lice. Thanks for letting me know. Do tell the other mums so that they can be vigilant too"

Thanks @FrauPaige & @Riapia they are great responses. I am sorry I didn't post here before I responded. I am seething & can't sleep.

Why not reply- Checked this morning all clear, thanks for the warning she’ll keep her distance
Hopefully She’ll get the message

I already replied tonight "Checked dds hair, all clear. Best of luck treating X".. She saw the message but didn't reply... I'll definitely use that line in the future. As no doubt she'll be on again.

I love the ideas on here. I just wanted to add if there is a class WhatsApp I would post on there childsname has nits. Please check kids hair. That might stop the mum being so aggressive.

Are you serious?

Yes there is a group but I think that might be a step too far. I love the distance idea though! I could say to her next time (as there will be a next time!) why don't you pop that on the WhatsApp group just to inform the 30 other parents & guardians.. It's also the passive aggressive seeing the message & not replying that riles me!

You could but say, heard there's an outbreak of nits, please check your kid's hair

She's obviously not treating her properly if she has them so much. Must be some eggs left so the cycle begins again. I used to find wet combing worked better than the lotions. Used to get tea tree shampoo and conditioner they hate the smell.

I don't want to involve the wider class. The point is she thinks my dd is repeatedly giving her dd lice when my daughters hair is clear. I actually think I don't want anymore communication with this woman, I am so angry!

Maybe it’s a heads up rather than accusing if she knows the girls spend a lot of time together? If it is a pointed remark then one of the above suggestions is great. Ask her to put it in the WhatsApp group to let everyone know.

My dd had them a few years ago & I completely agree. We did olive oil over night (so messy 😭) & 4 weeks of wet combing which was so time consuming but worked. Since we've been using spray in conditioners with tea tree & we havn't had a case since. I'm so angry that she thinks dd is the repeat offender!

No this is about the 7th time I've got a message & she's not messaged another mum who is in the girls circle of friends. It's the pointed way she doesn't reply ever when I say dd is clear..

Op, I actually think your message is fine.
You’re basically telling her that her kid is the one with the problem not yours.
Don’t waste anymore precious energy on this.

Ignore her messages from now on or send the exactly the same message you have already sent until she gets the message .

I hope so. I'm regretting not posting here first as there were some great replies.

Yep I will & I will be giving her a wide berth too. She obviously doesn't think my parenting is up to scratch!

I would find this super annoying. But also I think I'd block her number / completely ignore her texts from now on, leave her's "unread" or something. But that's probably very passive aggressive and not very helpful

Maybe next time in addition to the keeling distance one you could say - oh dear, X seems to have had them quite a bit recently. XYZ tea tree conditioner has worked well for us, maybe try that? Hopefully then no more recurrence.

Out of interest when DD had them three years ago did the friend have them too? could that be the reason this mum thinks DD is the source and us basically fixated (wrongly) on her?