Really annoyed.. School mum..wwyd?

[Theamericanz]

My dd is friends with a child in school who has recurrent headlice. The school mum is an acquaintance through our dds & every time her daughter gets a dose of the lice she texts me rather accusingly to "check my daughters hair". I do this weekly & she is always in the clear. She isn't texting any other mums as I've asked a close friend from the class... I'm actually getting very upset over the constant messages! Aibu? What do I reply.. Tonight I said "dds out at a match, I'll check when she gets in".. She saw the message didnt reply.. I dutifully checked dds hair with the nitty gritty all clear.. I text back "dds hair all clear. Best of luck treating your dd". Read n reply. Aibu to be seriously pissed off & where do we go from here. My dd is not the culprit!

I did that tonight when she text initially I send on a photo of a couple of sprays I use on dd & said we find them great. No reply. Then I text back a while later "dds hair is clear. Best of luck treating X".

I actually don't know if she know as I informed the school & they sent out a class email for parents to check heads. I wouldn't have messaged her directly, my dd & hers weren't as friendly back then.

Absolutely this. By the way a drop or two of tea tree oil weekly, they hate the smell.

I think I would be saying words to that effect next time.

”I don’t mean to be rude but are you sure Jane is filling getting rid of them? A bit concerning Jane keeps getting them like this as Katie hasn’t had them for years.”

I think I would start being more direct about this: “Can I ask why you keep targeting us for these messages and not other parents? Katie hasn’t had bits for three years so isn’t the reason Jane keeps getting them, or possibly isn’t fully getting rid of them.”

Why are you gossiping about this with 'other friend' ? If I have a conversation with someone I don't expect it to be repeated, regardless of topic.

Head lice is hardly a big deal anyway. The days of there being stigma attached are long gone. Your 'original friend' with the nitty daughter obviously feels comfortable with you about it. Let it got and don't talk to other mothers about what your friend says to you by text.

At face value, a mum messaging 'my DD had nits you should really check your DDs hair', doesn’t sound accusatory to me. If she knows your kids are friends, then I think it’s good that she’s letting you know, I’d appreciate the heads up everytime. And not sure that I‘d expect a response back to an 'all clear here' reply either

Curious to know how you found out she wasn’t texting all the other mums, I know you asked one of them but did you ask the rest? Has anything else happened that has convinced you she thinks your child is the one spreading them?

This is the seventh time this woman has messaged me. The class protocol is to inform the school in order for a group message to be sent.
This other girl is in the same friendship group as my daughter, her mother is a close friend so I felt comfortable asking her if she was receiving texts as this is the seventh time in the course of 18 months that I have been contacted & I'm pissed off.

This is the seventh time she has messaged me in around 18 months . The protocol is to contact the school who send out a message. I check my daughters hair twice sometimes three times a week. Her message always says "check x's hair" implying I don't already!

Sounds like she is just warning you every time. If your kids are close then that's why she is messaging you. I think you are reading it the wrong way.

@Ottersmith but why then not reply when I say I've checked & text to say my dds hair is clear.

‘This is the seventh time you’ve sent me this message. I check my daughter’s hair weekly and she hasn’t had HL for three years. Please go through the proper channels in future - inform the school so they can send out a generic email to everyone - and stop messaging me alone about this. Thank you. ‘

I’d be inclined to say something next time, like sorry DD is clear, but seems you think your DD is catching them from my DD but i check her hair weekly and she’s not had nits since x date. Might stop her doing this. It would really annoy me.

DD had a good friend who always had nits. I was good friends with her mum too, as was DS with her son’s DS. But she always had nits, as they never completed the treatment properly. They once went into the hairdressers to ask them to cut her hair shorter, whilst she had nits. Then was surprised when they said no. They eventually moved away, and DD never got nits again!

Which is weird when you consider it's her daughter who's had seven episodes of lice while your daughter has remained clear!

Why not text her saying that XYZ product worked for you three years ago and you thought it might be useful since her DD has had seven episodes. Or just buy her the products and say you hope it might stop the repeated episodes. 😂

If she thinks you're lying, you could also share with her your maintenance routine that you describe above.

@Theamericanz this sounds like exactly how I’d message a warning. I think you’re making way more of this than needed and it seems as though you are not open to accepting this point of view. Maybe she just feels comfortable letting you know!

Should you be “seriously pissed off”? No! You’ll be grateful the day you’re prompted to check and your daughter has indeed caught them.

And what would you expect her to reply when you say your child is clear anyway? Did you want a long back and forth of “oh that’s great that your DD doesn’t have them, even though mine does.” “Oh yes it is great, I am so relieved” etc etc

What is there to reply back ?

Is it possible that your kids are close and she feels okay telling you ? Where as she doesn’t want to tell other parents and broadcast her child has lice/isn’t as close ? I know you’re only acquaintances but maybe you’re more approachable and won’t broadcast it & she’s giving you the heads up.

If it’s more a case of her being a cow then trust your instincts and intuition.

You did great with your response and it was an especially nice touch the “best of luck with treatment”. Double points for sending her photos of preventative treatment.

'I don't understand why you insist on telling me, tell the school as per protocol so they can inform everyone to check. DD's hair is checked several times a week, should she get nits, I will inform the school.'

If it’s the 7th time in 18 months, my guess is she’s the issue and she isn’t getting rid of the nits fully each time. My dd got nits twice and passed them onto me. It took me forever to get rid of them from my hair. No product worked and I tried several. I didn’t manage to get rid with combing either. I had to resort to using shampoo and salt sat on my head for a hour and a half or so for months and months. Dd responded to treatment just fine despite having a lot of thick, wavy / curly hair.

If it makes you feel better you could text her again this morning either something like the above or;

‘Some people are extremely resistant to treatment and struggle to get rid of nits even when correctly treated. 7 instances in 18 months is a lot and I am wondering if this could be the issue. We are supposed to tell school if there is an outbreak rather than texting parents directly.’

Can you just block her?

Why don't you just have an actual face to face conversation?
You are making assumptions left, right and centre, from text messages; which do not indicate tone or context.
This could be resolved in a 5 minute conversation. You know, like adults?

I'd do this!!

'We routinely check DD, as any parent/guardian should. So far she's been fine. You don't have to keep asking/reminding us though because I'd let you know if there was cause for concern.'

Sometimes MN is just so bonkers . So this parent has messaged you multiple times over 18 months and your replies have been my daughter is fine, even though you know the protocol is to tell school?

Why haven't you said that to hef? I can't see any reason for all of the aggressive replies and hreats to ostracise the girl for a woman not replying to a text!

Just reply thanks for letting me know, have you let the school know?

And if she doesn't do the helpful thing for the class and let the school know there are nits in the class. Maybe they the reoccurring nits will stop and you won't grt messages that annoy you. Win win.

You need to give her the information you’ve shared here next time she does this. Something like:

Thanks Jane, I’ve checked DD and she’s clear. She had nits once when she was 4, but hasn’t had them since. It took X weeks to get rid of them and was a real PITA, but we got rid of them by doing A, B and C. I keep on top of it by doing X, Y and Z and it’s worked brilliantly at keeping them away. It’s a real shame that Katy keeps getting them and can’t seem to break the cycle. Let me know if you want the names of any of the products we used. I can show you the techniques I use to comb DDs hair if you like.