Really annoyed.. School mum..wwyd?

[Theamericanz]

My dd is friends with a child in school who has recurrent headlice. The school mum is an acquaintance through our dds & every time her daughter gets a dose of the lice she texts me rather accusingly to "check my daughters hair". I do this weekly & she is always in the clear. She isn't texting any other mums as I've asked a close friend from the class... I'm actually getting very upset over the constant messages! Aibu? What do I reply.. Tonight I said "dds out at a match, I'll check when she gets in".. She saw the message didnt reply.. I dutifully checked dds hair with the nitty gritty all clear.. I text back "dds hair all clear. Best of luck treating your dd". Read n reply. Aibu to be seriously pissed off & where do we go from here. My dd is not the culprit!

That was a crazy response. It’s plain as day that it was a joke. There’s always one…

I wouldn’t be able to help but say to her - I understand I’m the only one who gets this message from you and I’ve had no head lice issues with my daughter for several years now.

I find your messages quite accusatory and upsetting. The school send out notifications and I am a competent parent, so please don’t contact me regarding this again.

Regarding the answer to record a video as you search your daughter's head. I was going to say that too! Do that and send it to the mum... and say this is the same findings every time you ask me to check my daughter's hair. . Sorry to hear your child is having recurring head lice maybe change her bedding? As eggs can lay dormant!

I would reply..."Sorry to hear your daughter is suffering again, we are quite lucky, my daughter has never had lice, fingers crossed. "

My DD had lice from June to October. We went through 4 different solutions, each taking a month to try. Each would work, then two weeks later more itching. I doubt it's recurrent, but it's more that your DD's friend's mum is struggling like we did. So my response would be a bit of an uno reverse: "Thank you for letting me know. Once again, DD hasn't caught them from your DD. I'm sorry you are still fighting the good fight against the nits. I've heard of cases where the blighters eggs hatch days after you think you've got rid of them, and you get another infestation. Have you tried Full Marks every weekend for a month with conditioner comb-throughs every Wednesday in between? That has been successful for other folk dealing with persistent nits. DD remains clear, and I thank you for catching it early with your DD. Please let the school know so they can put a bulletin out to get other parents to check their kids"

I think I would be quite abrupt in my next reply and tell her to pursue other avenues before constantly coming to you first. Alternatively block her or just don’t reply.

Who cares?

It's not like anyone can deliberately get lice

It's just bad luck. Nobody is throwing accusations

"Hi X, sorry to hear that. I think this is the seventh message you've sent in 18 months, and DD hasn't had nits in all that time. Have you asked any other mums? Probably best to stick to the usual protocol and message the school so they can try and help."

Reflecting what's she's doing right back at her will hopefully be quite effective.

Just don't reply!

I would say something like ‘omg that’s so annoying for you, do you know who she keeps getting them from? (my DD) hasn’t had them in months!’
and then she can either point the finger at someone else or be honest and say she’s pointing the finger at you. I feel like that’s a smart sneaky way of showing some concern but deflecting 😂

If you get on ok with her I would probably be honest and say, "maybe I'm reading too much into this, but your messages imply you're thinking my daughter is passing them on to your daughter. I can assure you, I am checking my daughter at every occasion. She had head lice 3 years ago so I know what I'm looking for!
What's worked for us is said headline repellent and regularly nit combing. I'm very confident your daughter isn't getting them from mine so you might want to share with other parents in the class?" Or something to that effect xx

Bose r 3 in 1 with lice repellent. I used that on my kids (both boys - had headlice twice) and they never got them again

Sorry got autocorrected.
Vosene** 3 in 1

"Gosh SchoolMum! Your DD seems to have head lice an awful lot! My DD must be lucky as she's never had them! What a pain in the arse it must be for you! Good luck with the treatment!"

I'm more concerned you're losing sleep over a text about headlice.
Block and ignore.

If my son had a bout of the shits, I might message his friends parents to keep an eye on him too.
Doesn't mean I'm accusing them of anything

I'd ask her outright, are you accusing dd of having lice or just giving me the heads up because every time I have checked she does not have lice and I know you are not messaging the other mums about it.

Be direct with her when she asks next time. She's taking the piss! Just tell her straight that your daughter never has headlice and she needs to fumagate her child's room to eliminate this!

I wouldn't be as nice as u! If someone kept messaging like that I would say to her "sorry I'm fed up with the barrage of txt messages from you, it appears you think your daughter is getting them from my daughter when it's not the case, as my daughter is checked regularly and always lice free. I'd appreciate it if you stopped messaging me about lice. Thank you" I would literally say that but I'm outspoken!

I think its weird you are pissed off. You can't read a tone in a message. Plenty of mums have text me with a heads up over lice or an illness. Maybe she isn't texting the other mums as she's embarrassed and I'm not sure how your one friend not being text means no one else is.

Has the mother seen them on your child? If your dd has long hair and is hanging around with someone who has them all the time, then the chances are you are just not seeing them.

Combing through every Sunday night and treating regularly - doubtful she wouldn’t see them if they were there.

This!

It was a simple message letting you know her daughter had lice and seeing as the girls are friends she’s letting you know that there is a possibility your DD could have caught them from her DD. You’ve made all kids of (unkind) assumptions from a one line txt message. I think the only one analysing if your ‘parenting is up to scratch’ is you.

Re-read her message with a non accusatory tone and see how differently it lands.

I have had 7 messages in 18 months. I check my daughters hair at least twice a week, it's part of our routine. The protocol even a child has headline is to inform the school. They then send a message out. My daughter has not had lice in three years. We treated when found, check twice weekly ever since (& when messages come from the school). Job bloody done. School is first port of call when informing of life.

So just say “you need to let school know” to her???

I say lucky you If a few irritating texts is the most troubling aspect of your life.