If you could choose a man again

[Isshestillonthis]

What top traits would you look for and are they different to what you looked for/wanted when younger?

If I was single now I would 100% look for a man who makes me laugh, is very intelligent and positive and kind and finally, someone well established financially.

When younger I probably only thought about humour from the above list.

Did you just get here? 🤣

I wish Mumsnetters were like this.

I got my second chance and picked way better! As they say, if it’s not working dump and upgrade.

I made the mistake of marrying someone because they were funny…

I am very happy single but would choose someone intelligent, wealthy, good at DIY, and absolutely must be an orphan, with no other family or DC!!!

we Are humans and all have flaws

I wasn’t looking for a set of qualities when I got together with DH in our teens but he has all these.

I also wouldn’t look for another husband if I
out live him.

Reliability - you don’t realise what an attractive trait it is until you have lived with someone utterly unreliable.

My DH is a kind, devoted man, but he’s not a happy one. Life just generally makes him miserable, despite ours being objectively quite a good one. He comes home and his gloom just settles over the house and affects us all.

So were I to chose again, I’d look for someone cheerful. Someone who just generally looks on the positive and sees the joy in life. I do wonder what it must be like to be with someone who seems pleased to see you and is happy in your company.

Definitely a builder 😂 everything else my DH has in abundance. Being someone who loves DIY and renovating projects I do quite often wish I’d gone for someone like my Dad 😂😂😂… who would enthusiastically build anything from a figment of my imagination! I am quite handy and can do a lot apart from plumbing but If you grow up with someone who is really skilled I think you assume everyone is capable but really they’re not!!

Can I nosey a little about what you mean about sex please? It's probably the only regret for me that we aren't more compatible 😞

Someone who is calm in a crisis and has good diy skills. Both of which you will need numerous times in a long marriage.

Someone ambitious and curious rather than complacent

Someone who doesn’t play video games

Someone who is worldly, active and somewhat romantic

I would marry my DH again. When I was young, people used to take the piss when I said that I thought kindness and a similar moral code were really important. Now they agree. Dh is clever, kind, funny, has similar values to mine and has a great arse, so what's not to like??? 😁 (He has lots of other good points too, but those were the key ones I noticed first)

I would choose DH again, although to be fair we met relatively late in life (30s) after other failed long term relationships so I think we both knew what we were looking for.

• He’s an optimist: sees the good in the world and brings the sunshine (unlike me, the cynical realist)
• Always up for doing things and enthusiastic if I suggest an idea
• Hugely unselfish and committed to bringing at least 50% to baby care, household chores etc.
• Similar intelligence level and overlapping interests. We can sit and chat about things for hours.
• Very similar values and parenting approach
• Believes in me and supports my ambitions

Of course there are some negatives too that drive me nuts!

Yes agree with this! DIY skills are rare these days. You’ve got a keeper if you find one! I do realise as a feminist I should learn them myself. One day…

I would choose a nice small man with a nice small head. Gave birth to my first child this year and Jesus Christ my undercarriage is wrecked. 😀

I am very happy with dp . The only thing I wish is that he was keener to go on holidays .

Someone not a drinker, good with people, kind to others/parents, openly loving of me

Loyal (looking at you stbxh)
Kind
Patient
Loving
Similar sense of humour
Not into long walks up mountains as I am a lazy cow

At 47 and 2 failed marriages behind me I can 99.9% confirm I will never meet another man and I am (kinda) ok with that.

I think most of us when younger were looking for that spark.
Having had that spark and some very handsome men, I'd rather someone not handsome but funny and kind and polite and useful in DIY and self aware and all the good traits. I've got a really decent man now, but if I lost him, I'd just not bother now. Become a cat lady and be happy in my own company.
I'm not fussed for sex and could just get some if I wanted anyway. The rest of the stuff that comes with relationships like this is just not worth it for some company and some sex.

This is pretty much a perfect list. I would add energetic/proactive (not in a can't-sit-still kind of way, but a not-happy-to-sit-around-the-house-all-weekend way) and sexually compatible.

I wouldn't bother. I think I'm the kind of person that is happier on my own.

I struck gold with my husband but we met when we were in our early 30s so was somewhat more cynical/ savvy and knew I wouldn’t settle. God forbid if anything went wrong I wouldn’t even look again.

Healthy relationship with his mum
Kind
Considerate
A team player
Doesn't cheat

I got none of the above with DH

Kindness over charm every single time
loyal
solvent
relaxed
calm in a crisis
reliable
affectionate
intelligent
healthy