If you could choose a man again

[Isshestillonthis]

What top traits would you look for and are they different to what you looked for/wanted when younger?

If I was single now I would 100% look for a man who makes me laugh, is very intelligent and positive and kind and finally, someone well established financially.

When younger I probably only thought about humour from the above list.

I got mostly what would have been on my list with DH - but if I could add one minor thing, it would be to make him more practical. In a DIY sense.
i envy women who have a bloke who can whip up a shelf, assemble flat packs, minor plumbing, etc.

Nailed it. 🎯 😆

My partner is perfect. He is very practical and if he doesn't know how to do something he will figure it out himself. We own a few boats and he has refitted one of them and every weekend he spends doing work on them. He's very creative. He works hard and earns good money. He is respectful and kind. He's generous and has bought me all kinds of crazy and impractical gifts that I go mad for. He's the funniest man I've ever met. He's a very private person and is reserved, quite, and professional outwardly, so I feel privileged to know the real him who is a more fun, bonkers and up for all kinds of crazy adventures and things. We share a lot of common interests as well as sharing moral sensibilities. He absolutely adores me and this has never faultered over the last few years. I have no idea why tbh, as he is a much nicer person than me. The sex is incredible and he literally doesn't even look at anybody else.

If anything happened, I know I'd never find that again. He isn't necessarily everyone's cup of tea, but that's fine because neither am I. I wouldn't change a single thing about him.

If I were to be single again now, I wouldn’t bother. OLD etc is too much faff. I don’t have the patience to kiss more frogs looking for a prince, and they are rarer the older I get. I can’t be arsed now.

To my younger self, I would say, a la Roy Kent, “don’t you dare settle for fine”.

When I chose another man I chose a woman. Zero regrets!

Not lazy
Kind
Ambitious
English as a first language
Patient

If I were to be single I wouldn't bother. I'd like to be a lesbian but I don't fancy women

😶

It depends what you are choosing them for.

Now I wouldn’t be bothered trying to predict what they are ‘really’ like long term, are they handsome, faithful, will they be a good dad, etc. don’t care about those things anymore so I would go for one that’s good in bed and makes me laugh.

My man is....

Kind.
Handsome.
Quietly confident.
Annoyingly good at almost everything, but modest.
Nice, but not boring.
Charming.
Quiet, but worth listening to when he isn't.
A great dad. My son was three when I met my partner, and seeing how my son was drawn to him and how he reacted to my son was something that attracted me to him in a big way.
Calm and laid back.
He is fun to be with and makes the effort to enjoy things I like.
He has a calming effect on me.
Everything is easy with him. No drama.
He makes me smile.

Is he perfect? The sex was a problem for me, and he was the opposite to what I would normally go for. But we got around that. So I'm not swapping him now.

Yes, I’m bi and would much rather have a female partner next time, hypothetically, since I’m currently in a happy relationship.

😁

Someone who is fun to talk to- unpredictable, thoughtful, good at listening and reacting
Someone who likes doing things with me
Someone who is able to apologise, and able to accept an apology- someone not defensive

I don't think that's an unrealistic list at all. My husband has all the traits on OP's list as well as yours.

It's curious to me that women settle down with men and build such lives that they can't be everything they want to be and do the things they want to do.. Though I know children get in the way a bit in the early parts of their lives.

Yes

I think the character Matt from the tv series ‘A Teacher’ is the kind of guy I find appealing. When he says, “Tell me something about your day,” it’s the kind of question my H would never ask. I like his dress sense, that he’s a professional, travels for work, he has hobbies outside of the marriage, and seems gentle and kind. His body shape is appealing to me - tall, lanky build with some muscle.

That only, and if not available, wouldn’t bother.

When I was younger it was hard enough to find someone I liked who liked me back. I had my heart broken a number of times. I never really had the luxury of curating a list 😬

My husband is loyal, hardworking, very family oriented, and funny. But he’s petty, selfish, nit picky and the sex is crap.

I’m not sure I’d bother either. I’d use a sperm donor and make a life as a single mum with a cat and dog too :)

My ideal man is a unicorn:

Kind, clever, caring, funny, handsome, supportive, cooks, cleans, pulls his weight with housework, romantic, focused, committed, healthy.

Alternative reply: Based on my in laws I'd want an orphan.

I wouldn't bother either. Much better to be free of all that shit.

I like @catscalledbeanz poem.
I'd pick Dh again, but sometimes he drives me nuts. I'd like a sliding doors moment so that I could rarely escape to a solitary shack occasionally, without anyone noticing I'm gone, then 2 days of peace, I'd return time-travelling, so this world thinks I've only been gone for a minute.

Not to be so selfish and lazy.

He’s intelligent, makes me laugh, is good looking, fit and strong. None of these are worth how he doesn’t think or care about anyone else and will only do what suits him. Thankfully our DS17 & 19 see it in him and aren’t selfish or lazy.

This in my 20's I was lucky enough to have the choice- I chose the first option, mostly I am happy sometimes I wonder what if......it's the path less travelled isn't it ?

This!

Well I definitely don’t ever want another one in my home but.

Not selfish. Not lazy. SOH. Capable of self reflection. Kind. Capable of controlling his temper.

I am not anti-men at all. They’re often wonderful but just not a positive in women’s lives.

Anyone immediately think of that TikTok song. ‘I’m looking for a man in finance. Trust fund. 6’5”. Blue eyes’. 😁

Capable, loving, kind, funny. A ‘can do, let’s do’ kind of man. I’ve got one now, and goodness, life is a joy.