If you could choose a man again

[Isshestillonthis]

What top traits would you look for and are they different to what you looked for/wanted when younger?

If I was single now I would 100% look for a man who makes me laugh, is very intelligent and positive and kind and finally, someone well established financially.

When younger I probably only thought about humour from the above list.

Me too, my DH is wonderful. He says I am too. We’re incredibly lucky.

I don't think the perfect man exists to be honest. We are all human and all have our faults.

If I had my time again, I would choose DH again.... every time. If anything happened to him I don't think I could find what we have with somebody else.

I met DH after having two disasterous previous relationships, including my serial cheat of an ex. DH was kind and calm and decent and 14 years later he still is.

He is a great dad, we have a laugh together and he is generous. He is willing to listen to my point of view and is able to change his mind. He doesn't automatically think he is always right.

He is kind both to me and to his family. If someone needs something, he'll help without hesitation. He drove a 400 mile round trip to come and collect me from a family funeral early on in our relationship without me asking because I was a bit of a wreck and he didn't want me having to get the train. That was a key moment when I knew he was the one, that it wasn't even a question for him, he just said "I'm coming to collect you."

Life with him is calm and pleasant. We have similar values and he never speaks down to me. We are able to agree to disagree on some points and respect one another.

So I would choose him again without a second thought. Kindness is the big thing for me. But also humour, intelligence and a good work ethic. Someone who isn't lazy and is generous of spirit.

He doesn't like cheese though which is a constant source of disappointment to me but has probably helped my waistline 🤣. You can't have everything!

I don't think that's too much to ask! I reckon my dad and husband both tick those boxes.

The trouble with unicorns is they're never there when you need them.
And they shit all over the place too.

Long hair was really my only requirement when I was younger. Bonus points if they played the guitar in a band 🤣
It was the 90s, I was very much into the grunge scene. My DH is the absolute polar opposite to my younger selfs “type”
The things important to me now are
intelligence
work ethic
sense of humour
kind hearted
good at DIY

@Loonaandalf "doesn't play video games" - hahaha! Yes my H plays xbox for hours and hours every day, it annoys the hell out of me - its just not a good look for a 50-something-year-old with a wife and kids.....

I wouldn't mind a couple of hours after jobs are done, but sometimes its a whole weekend, whilst I'm ferrying the kids around, shopping, gardening. It annoys the hell out of me. Its a massive turn-off. I just end up thinking "gaming is better than him having an alcohol problem" but ...gah... I'm fed up with it.

After dealing with a few lying, cheating bastards in my early 20's, what attracted me to my DH was that he was very honest, straightforward and grounded. Been together 25 years and these are still really important traits for me. He also makes me laugh until I wheeze. 😁

@Jones3A

Sex is very important to me. Vital really. To simplify it, let's just say I need a man who is sexually dominant, well-endowed, and has great stamina. My man is sexually submissive, small, and very quick. We agreed that I could have a lover.

My own parents are dead..my dh only has his mum and she's disinterested and difficult to say the least. Impossible for various reasons to have any kind of relationship with her and she's a rubbish grandmother. I wish I'd chosen someone with nice parents so my dc could have had one set of nice grandparents

My own grandmother always said to marry a rich man....I don't think this is the worst advice ever

As a young woman I was attracted to great body, good looks, go getting personality, educated, determined and confident.
As a 50 year old lI remarried a man who was as financially secure as I have worked to be with a career that exceeded mine (I have been better with money), utterly reliable and dependable, leader type of a guy with a big career already established and a proven track record of very good parenting.

What I got the first time round were excitement junkies really. What I got the second time was a great marriage.

I'd pick one who didn't snore😆

My husband can never be replaced and I wouldn’t want to!
Hes everything!
I don’t want for anything, he does all the fixing and repairing, he does his own washing, he gets home from work before me, so when I get home he’s done all the housework, lol the only thing he doesn’t do is cooking, but he does do the dishes!!
Even though I work full time, he still pays for nearly everything, majority of the bills, all bar one and he pays for all our holidays!

My husband. Does 5050, financially stable, isn't tight, has a good job, is kind, great dad, does laundry, doesn't go to the pub, doesn't drink, he drives, hes always on time, he makes my life easier, 100% trustworthy, always does mothers day and birthday stuff, sometimes does breakfast in bed at the weekends, took paternity leave and reduced his hours to do childcare after maternity leave, shared the nights, has his own friends but will go to the end of the earth for mine, we're both playful and in synch and laugh a lot.

The more i see on mumsnet the more I joke about having another thing to add to my dating profile requirements... stuff i didjt think needed saying like he must wear underwear and buy his own parents presents - so simple and yet apparently needs saying!

If I could make tweaks to my husband they would be minor: proactively plans holidays, gets up to dance at weddings, can stay awake past 10pm, would make more frequent, thoughtful gestures like calling his parents more or buying them thank you gifts, getting me a chocolate bar from the shop on impulse 😆 but I guess stability comes at the price of impulsiveness so I can't complain!

I would definitely choose single life though if we broke up - I don't need another man telling me I'm stacking the dishwasher wrong!

We were 17, i was exactly looking…it just happened

i was not his type physically and i guess height wise he wasnt mine but i didn’t see him as short….i don’t know why, blinded by love 😀 maybe he was sat down a lot 🤔

its not like i had a height in mind but i think if anyone had asked i would have said taller than me …no one asked

i picked the right one, he is a keeper

I got divorced in my 40s and took some time to focus on me and DC before dipping my toe into dating.

I definitely didn't have criteria when I met exH, I was young, I knew nothing.

Second time around I tried to be open minded,

I wanted someone I could have a conversation with, someone I could happily do nothing with, with similar values, who made me laugh and wasn't high maintenance.

My second DH is very different to my exH but we're very happy. At first sight he wasn't my type but that quickly changed.

I struck gold - not sure anyone else could hit Dh standards if he ran off / died.

I was clearly advanced for my years, I fell head over heels for a (boy?!) man at 17 who was kind and gentle, an introverted chap that probably wasn't overly noticed by girls due to his quiet nature. 20 years ago now, if I had my time again I would pick him every time. He's proved to be a thoughtful and respectful partner, and amazing dad, and such a brilliant role model for our boys who are following in his footsteps.

Mines good, I wouldn’t bother if anything happened to him. I’m not aure from being on mumsnet that men are worth the hassle really. Fairly sure I would just stay single.

But things that have made him worth his weight in gold, sense of duty, responsibility, not workshy, kindness (most of this is focused on me and our DC but he’s a good man rather than super nice if that makes sense), selflessness, intelligence, sense of humour.

What’s depressing is Dh is seen as some sort of outlier I get “ooh aren’t you lucky” when he basically behaves like a decent normal woman would but is a manly man if that makes sense.

This absolutely this. DH is a good man (very assertive etc) and he does go above and beyond but 90% of the time he does the same things I would do, except I wouldn’t get a standing ovation.

I would choose my husband every single time.
Kind, amazing Dad, hardworking, funny, intelligent, respectful, loyal, generous.
I would never want anyone else.

I would choose the bear.

Same again.

Same method again too. I wasn't doing it consciously the first time round but spending my 20s actively avoiding relationships while filling my boots with one night stands was fun, I learned a lot about myself and when I met DP I was in the right place in my life to give a proper relationship a go. I don't think it would've worked out if I'd met him 5 years earlier.

What’s depressing is Dh is seen as some sort of outlier I get “ooh aren’t you lucky” when he basically behaves like a decent normal woman would but is a manly man if that makes sense.

I know worse you mean, the benchmark is different for men. I suspect there are a lot more men out there like this than many realise, I have a few in my family (and DH!) I suspect they're just often overlooked, they're not seeking attention in life, not causing drama, we talk about the rowdy ones, the ones with exploits, they're louder, more noticeable, but the good ones are still out there quietly going about their lives. Possibly married earlier therefore making the dating pool harder later in life, the ones in my family I am thinking of that are good eggs were snapped up pre-30.