If you could choose a man again

[Isshestillonthis]

What top traits would you look for and are they different to what you looked for/wanted when younger?

If I was single now I would 100% look for a man who makes me laugh, is very intelligent and positive and kind and finally, someone well established financially.

When younger I probably only thought about humour from the above list.

Hygiene

Motivated

Practical

Calm

My dh. He has all the qualities pp are listing. The only thing he doesn't have is my love of going out to gigs & music. He prefers his football & relaxing a home. If you compare us you'd think he's too introverted for me, but I would pick him again over all my other boyfriends

Never again!

I had a flat tyre this week - the only time I’ve thought one would be handy 😂

Honestly, I will never ever do the “man” thing again!

I asked for kindness, generosity with their time and effort. My ex was charming and clever and funny. Until he wasn’t. Essentially, I hoped for a grown up.

I thought I’d found an adult male, a grown up and a wonderful combined family. The reality was very different. The “family” objected to daddy loving someone else, literally anyone else. The grown up turned out to be a small man with a delicate ego who threatened me year in year out with divorce if I “misbehaved”.

I don’t believe in any of it… the men I’ve known have not been worth the pain
In fact, anyone who’s ever let me down has been a man. Those who’ve been there for me, women.

I picked wisely he’s not perfect but he suits me and is kind - BUT I wish I had picked a rugby playing him, someone with thick thighs that when I sat next to - made my thighs look far more delicate. 🤣

I'd choose kindness, intelligence and sense of humour. I chose looks first time around but they don't last.

Sensible, funny, from a good family, has similar values and outlook. That feeling of safety and being at home. I don’t understand when people say they want to get away from their spouse. I want to spend every moment I can with mine.

I am lucky. We’ve been together 28 years. He’s …

-practical
-generous (sometimes a bit skint but then reins himself in)
-kind
-great sense of humour
-loving dad
-intelligent
-has held onto so many lovely friendships over the years
-has many interests
-enthusiastic about life despite some health concerns
-quirky in his own way

That’s been exactly my life too……
Definitely didn’t see it coming and it’s awful . Collapsed with autistic burnout as soon as children arrived but not diagnosed until years later .

@Mangocity I absolutely love what you wrote. I have had a few failed relationships in your first category but am now having a shot at / living the dream in relationship terms.

We are older now and have learnt from our past lives so I would say you can have some qualities that enhance the relationship that might not be there when just starting out so can become the complete package if you get lucky.

Sorry for jumping into the thread, the post just jumped out and grabbed my attention 😁

I'd want somebody like DP. But that's not very likely - he's an absolute gem. Bit of a twat sometimes, but so am I; to get someone else with just enough twatness to not irritate me and to be able to tolerate or even like my twattery is damn near impossible.

@dewfirst did you stay with him ?

I would choose the same again. I can’t imagine anyone else loving me more than he does, and I wouldn’t want to be with anybody else. He may drive me slightly crazy sometimes, but he’s kind, makes me laugh like no one else does, and he’s just lovely.
I definitely think kindness is hugely important, and integrity too. DH is a good and honest person. I am very lucky ❤️

I would pick my 2nd husband everytime. God no to my first one though I do have children with the ex who I wouldn’t be without. The ex was a lousy husband and dad.

My 2nd husband is my soul mate, best friend and the dad he didn't have to be to our four and grandpa to our 5.

My 2nd husband, is kind, loving, fiercely protective and loyal, a quirky humour like me, I am his princess and spoilt rotten

I would pick my husband again:

kind
compassionate
gentle
intelligent
funny
hardworking
driven

Quite agree.

Loyalty - I want a ride or die person who I know will always have my back
Kindness - a partner who will make a cip
of tea, nip to the shops without chalking it up and keeping score
Humour and positivity - someone who can find the funny side of life and not get stuck in negativity
Financially fair & decent
Thirty years ago I wanted someone who looked like a surfer and knew how to roll a joint 😂

Definitely for me he would be financially savvy, patient & emotionally intelligent

Tried it twice, never again. So much happier on my own.

This time round I'd choose a woman instead!

I think kindness is a very under rated quality in a man. Too many women don’t seem to value that enough, thinking mainly of looks and money. Of course, the ability to be good at DIY and to be a good cook would be very appealing attributes too!

I think I hit the jackpot with dh.

He's loyal and kind, and they are the most important qualities. He's my best friend and we're on the same wavelength. We have the same sense of humour and interests. Similar values. He's not the unfaithful type, which is a good job because he's actually getting better looking as he gets older. He's tall, slim and has cheekbones, a square jawline and fab hair. We were well matched when younger but for all the intermediate years since having kids till recently I'd been very overweight so must have seemed an odd couple. 🤣

To be honest I aways admired him a lot but also took him for granted a bit because he was good natured. Now I absolutely treasure him.

All of which is to say although he's an increasingly good looking man when compared to his peers, it's his kindness and good nature that I appreciate the most!

This is beautiful. My husband is farrrr from perfect, but I did live a lot of life before finding him.. I pretty much was living that third life.

if I hadn’t read your post, I would have said “hygiene” 😂

Get a cat.