If you could choose a man again

[Isshestillonthis]

What top traits would you look for and are they different to what you looked for/wanted when younger?

If I was single now I would 100% look for a man who makes me laugh, is very intelligent and positive and kind and finally, someone well established financially.

When younger I probably only thought about humour from the above list.

Did you stay together? I hope you get some fun in your life again.

p.s. I understand.

I wrote a list in my previous post of all the positives in my DH & I wish now I'd added the other side. He can also be fairly stubborn,too interested in sport at times & keeps a home office room like a bombsite but same, I wouldn't change a thing 😂

its interesting reading these , out of dp and me , I’m by far the messier one .

I think that's my list too

I would pick the one I can't have

I would choose the same man again. He isn't perfect, nor am I, but all the important things are there. He's kind, he's family-oriented, he's intelligent and hardworking, he shares my sense of humour, he takes on an equal share of domestic labour, he respects and values me, he is a feminist, he is great and generous in bed. Yesterday he wrote a little note for DC1 to find in their packed lunch for a school trip and it made me gooey all over again.

If I were on the market again for some reason, I wouldn't settle for less.

I'd be a lesbian

I’d choose my husband again and again and again. Does he wreck my head at times, absolutely and he borders on OCD which can be tiring. But he’s kind, thoughtful, practical and can turn his hand to most DIY tasks. He is incredibly close to his family and I know myself and the kids are the most important things in the world to him. Hes my best friend, we share the same sense of humour and generally have a laugh in life so I think I’ve done pretty well

I'd love a man who loves me, finds me attractive and doesn't get satisfaction from causing me deep pain.

And to everybody who says they'd check how they treat the women around them, mothers, sisters etc, well that's not a predictor I'm afraid. I did all that, it was all good: treated mother and sister well, valued his female friends including during one breakup from an abusive marriage (oh the irony) and all the above were professionally employed in careers that need dedication.

But, when it came to his wife, "of course" she wasn't going to have a career, she was there to make sure he was comfortable and sacrificed EVERYTHING, including her health, to that role. And he wouldn't let her get out of it.

So, a man treating his mother and sister well simply says he treats his mother and sister well. It cannot be inferred that behind closed doors he'll treat his wife well too. In public, however, no doubt people will see him as husband of the year, and later, father of the year.

*when it came to his wife, only after years of hampering every effort she made to further herself and get work, he'd admit that "of course"..

A man who likes dogs. Mine complains about ours all the time. Too smelly, moults too much, leaves hair everywhere, steals treats, growls at kids, puts his dirty paws on the kitchen counters and occasionally pees on the floor. The dog however is much better behaved so the situation is totally unjust.

Moults?! Like a crab ? I'd be concerned about that too😂

This exactly! Should have been all the red flags I needed in hindsight. This time kindness.

Same here. When I read stuff like this on here I'm never sure if I've been incredibly lucky or if the bar for men is just set really low on MN.

My partner is fabulous but I'd love if he had more initiative/confidence to make changes, and practical skills for DIY.

One who didn’t like football.
Someone I had a better sexual connection with.
Someone financially more competent.
Someone who could cook

I am a healthy weight and quite fit
I earn well into six figures, good pension, investments etc.
I am hard working
I am kind
I am thoughtful and organised
I am reliable
I can cook
I can get a stain out of almost anything
I am good at getting up in the night and early in the morning.
I am not emotionally needy
I am optimistic
I don't mind getting my hands dirty
I will give almost anything a try
I am faithful

On the flip side
I am quite messy
I can be argumentative
I am stubborn
I can't change bed sheets

I'm attractive, and I keep myself in good shape
I can meal plan and write workouts, as well as motivate a partner, to get them in/keep them in good shape
I'm okay with having step children and various kinds of pets (just not indoor cats)
I'm sterilized (good for partners who don't want more children and don't want to use condoms. Would do IVF for another child if partner desired, or be okay with adopting)
I like older men (so they'd get a younger partner in exchange)
Willing to keep house (though I am always trying to get better at it)
Good at cooking
I'm satisfied with just one partner at a time, and I'm always busy, so no need to worry about cheating
Christian and involved in my church (good for other Christians)
I'm very good at communicating in ways that diffuse tension and prevent fights
I'm down for all sorts of adventures, and I have the freedom to travel
I'm very expressive of my affection, across all the love languages
Practical, frugal, and literate when it comes to finances
High libido
Relatively stylish, I think? Also okay with showing skin or covering up according to the setting/partner's preferences
Prefer to defer to partner when there are matters of disagreement
Low maintenance

What else do men what?

@Neurodiversitydoctor we were almost identical until you said you're not emotional needy and can get up early in the morning 😂

My DH is crap at DIY. But h3 has a legal background and knows all about Sale of Goods law and contracts, which is great when it comes to trades people and consumer rights. I would not change him for the world.

I totally get the practical thing. My DH is an absolute academic. The thing that attracts me most is he could build a house with all the necessary electricals, plumbing & anything else required. I love it when he wears the green trousers with all the trade pockets 🏠 😁

Lovely 😍

Wonderful 😁

Sense of humour and emotional intelligence. And great with kids! Obviously, being financially secure is the baseline.

It does exist. My husband is all of the above and more. Happy days!