To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

Yes of course. It's his baby too, any financial penalty from mat leave needs to be shared evenly.

Just worked it out together. Both had the same fun money. One of us isn’t going out for dinner or on Holliday whilst the other is skint. You are a team now more than ever.

We have pooled all finances in a joint account since we got engaged. Everything goes into and out of that account. I wouldn’t have a baby with someone without this tbh.

by partner, do you mean married or not?

My partner paid what I couldn't. We saw it as one pot. I have always been the higher earner but we paid 50/50 bills prior to mat leave and I paid for our car and holidays/savings. During mat leave his wage was ours to use as a family to pay all the bills. We are fortunate that we could just about cover it like this, if we had another, it wouldn't be the case due to childcare and increased bills meaning we would be short each month

Everything going in and out of the same account. Since we got married. I wouldn’t have a baby with someone and then live with them like I was a flat mate splitting bills. Of course they should be sharing!

If they are committed enough to have a baby together, then they approach it as partners who love and care for each other. Perhaps all in one pot with equal personal/ spending money?

So tired of seeing threads from women whose partners use pregnancy as an excuse to financially abuse them

So whilst I'm receiving 'terrible' mat pay, I can expect him to pay for mortgage and bills? I'm not sure how comfortable I'd feel 'asking' for money for myself. Context: I was single and very independent for about 3 years before we got together.

My partner paid me for caring for our child, sent me a set amount every month, on top of SMP and my occupational mat pay. Then I contributed the same amount to the joint account as I have always done so that I'm still equally contributing to mortgage/bills etc. I know other people probably find it simpler to just let their partner take on the bills/mortgage but I liked being paid, it was recognition for the bloody hard work of looking after a new born.

Show me where I said that? 🤣 Relax. I'm asking for nuances, I'm not being financially abused. Any advice with your ill placed judgement?

Yes, like PP, we shared finances since the day I moved in e.g. we both paid off his credit card and he financed my mat leave. I've always earned less but all money is pooled and we treat ourselves as and when we both fancy it. We're married not living in a houseshare.

I like that idea! And you are absolutely right.

If you want to go out for a coffee and lunch with some new friends, then you should be able to!

We got a joint account and everything comes in and out of that. He is the much higher earner.

You are a couple with a baby - surely everything is joint and no longer mine or his? Why would you be asking for money - do you not have access to all income, savings, credit cards etc?

We didn’t have any formal arrangement and I still paid into the house account 50/50 but he definitely covered loads of extra things during that time like food shopping, days out, any extra expenses etc. If I’d asked him to pay for anything I’m sure he would have. We still have joint and separate finances but we definitely see it all as one pot. We don’t count who’s spending on what though we just kind of assume it all comes out in the wash and we live well within our means which I guess takes the pressure off those kinds of discussions.

I think the important thing is that it feels fair for you both and if it doesn’t you need to seriously talk about it and maybe even have some couples counselling for a calm external view.

Firstly, get married before the baby is born.

Secondly, surely you should have talked about this before getting pregnant. In our case we had savings so used that to cover the shortfall once I was on SMP.

One big (small) pot

How did you decide on the amount he paid you? Did it leave you both with the same personal money?

Not married. But very much a partnership. I'm just new to this situation so want to consider the fairest way to approach it. It's my independence getting the better of me I think. Asking from those more experienced.

We had married and pooled our money long before we considered having a baby.
if we did not pool our finances, I would expect my partner to

. reimburse me for half my lost wages
. cover half of all maternity related expenses. Clothing, travel to appointments, and even any special food.

. cover half of babies expenses
. cover half of my day to day expenses while out and about and the baby during maternity leave. Taking a bus. Getting a coffee. These are part of socializing our shared child and are joint expenses.

. cover half my new clothes for my newly postpartum body and as many as I need until things stabilize

I’m sure i missed some, which is why keeping separate accounts is just ridiculous. Having a baby impacts your expenses in so many ways it is almost impossible to fully enumerate. Your partner owes you half of each and every one of them.

Same for us! 30 yrs on & money has never been an issue im our relationship! And not because we’re well off but because we have always seen it as our family money and there have been times when he was the main earner & vice versa.

So whilst I'm receiving 'terrible' mat pay, I can expect him to pay for mortgage and bills?

Can he afford the mortgage & bills alone? Did you discuss finances prior to pregnancy? Have you been saving for maternity?

A little old fashioned to have to get married in this day and age.

We did speak and he believes what's his is ours. I'm asking for nuances on how couples do it. I know everyone loves to jump to the financial abuse 😂

Honestly I just don't understand why people don't insist on a registry office wedding. It is the best financial protection you can have when you are reducing your income due to maternity.

He's just not that into you if he won't marry the mother of his child. Period.

A little old fashioned to have to get married in this day and age

Not really, from a financial perspective it often makes sense…