To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

The way we did it when we had kids was that we had our fun / personal money (£250 a month - that's what we agreed at the time) and paid everything else into the joint account.

So if my mat pay was 300, I'd only have paid 50 into joint account. There were no months it went below 250 though. I'd saved a few grand during mat leave to plug any gaps and pay for any equipment.

Instead of paying a set amount in, keep the same amount back.

Say he earns £1000
Your SMP is £100
Mortgage, bills, food, household costs are £950
You each keep £75 personal money

Everything went into our joint account. I did find it difficult not having my own money, and I was much more careful with my spending (which was probably a good thing!). Worked for us, kids teens now and we still do the same (both work ft but DH earns more).

We’ve never had a joint account. If I’m low on cash and been working less due to mat leave then DH transfers me money from his account to mine. We don’t track each others personal spending as we both have the same values and trust each other.

He paid everything as he could afford it. I have friends who have been left with CC debt to get by however as their husbands/partners did not support them in this time, I find that really sad and stressful.

Prior to mat leave I saved he spent so he would get baby bits I'd save. When it got to mat leave I used savings so still split bills 50/50 but he picked up more of the shopping/days out/baby bits/household stuff

We have mainly separate accounts but we view everything as ours, and regularly give each other finance updates on how “we” are doing. We both trust each other, and have the same approach to money (one or two luxuries but other that we like saving - and find it motivating to have our own saving targets and pots). Money has never been an issue between us and it works well.

i save for my own mat leave, and will continue to pay the same amount into our central pot throughout for mortgage, bills, childcare etc. However, he is saving for other joint things (e.g. house improvements, child savings). If I didn’t have enough to cover all my costs during mat leave, we would have to have a discussion. I think he would help, but it would also probably mean that I went back to work earlier than I’d like.

I just had a joint account with exh, so much easier.

I dont with current dh but we are older so no chance of dc, n reality he pays for most things but house is paid off anyway. I earn enough to cover all my personal expenses

Haven't read the full thread but I wouldn't even consider this to be 'stepping up'. We shared finances when we got married a year before our son was born so situation is slightly different.

However didn't even occur to me to ask how we would 'split' mortgage payments or to ask his thoughts if I was getting myself a small treat for example.

I think having a discussion on your expectations with your partner would be helpful.

Personal opinion only, but I also think marriage even from a purely financial perspective gives women more financial fairness when you are financially vulnerable due to maternity leave etc, than is afforded to mothers who aren't married. Not a deciding factor for me but definitely considered it an advantage!

That's what I was thinking is the most fair route.

We both do.

I was like this, didn’t want to ask for anything, and it has been a rod for my back. First up, if he isn’t offering, that’s not good. Secondly, if he doesn’t want to do this, then he sees the baby as yours more than his, and not so much his responsibility.

He paid for everything. I didn’t charge him half rent and damages for ‘housing’ and growing his (our) baby for 9 months neither charged him for food my body was producing. So he had to pick up the other bills.

We took is as the opportunity to pool our money. Everything goes into the joint account and gets split into Pots (Monzo account) which cover bills, mortgage, groceries, holidays, birthdays & Christmas, everything! So we know we always have enough for everything we need.

Then we get the same amount of money for fun stuff and "grooming" (clothes, hairdresser) moved into our personal accounts. So we can spend that however we want. Don't need to justify it and don't need to ask DH for money for me.

I think it's mad people do it any other way once you're a family with children.

He should step up and pay.

So annoying when posters reply to a post that triggers them to act, before reading the full thread 😬🤣

Joint account. Salaries pay into it, everything comes out of it.

Little bit of fun money each goes into personal accounts, so if I want to blow £200 on an extravagant handbag or something, I don’t have to ask or feel guilty about it.

Planned ahead and ensured there were enough savings to maintain a fair share for both. I'd argue women would generally have to pay less since they are the ones carrying the baby and getting split apart in birth.

We had a joint account that we paid the same/similar amounts in (as we earned similar) and at the end of my maternity leave there was a bit of a buffer, I put a bit in depending on what I received and he put more in. I’d saved up pre maternity so had my own savings for bits and bobs that I wanted (like a haircut) but tbh I didn’t need to spend much on myself, most of my day to day spending was joint/child related so I took it from the joint account. We’d also topped up joint savings while I was pregnant.

I agree marriage before baby is old fashioned from the point of view of being 'respectable '.

It isn't from the point of view of legal and financial protection. You don't need to do the full white dress and big party thing. Just an appointment at the local Registry Office to sign the paperwork.

My husband didn't need to step up financially because we already shared finances. I personally consider that mandatory for any serious committed relationship (married or not). I couldn't imagine being with someone who didn't want their partner to have the same quality of life and opportunities that they did. Very unattractive and I think it says a lot about how a partner feels about you.

But yes, of course a partner should be stepping up if you're on maternity leave. Whatever split you were doing before should be adjusted to account for the lower income you have now, with some tweaks to ensure you can still afford personal necessities (since the pay is so low you likely can't afford them and still do the same percentage split).

Marriage/civil partnership is not 'old fashioned' its a legally binding contract that confers plenty of useful rights.
Do you also think employment contracts are 'old fashioned'?

You both pay your whole income into the joint account, use that to pay for all bills and family expenses, and each transfer a smaller amount (the same for each of you) back out to your personal accounts for personal spending. Done.

There is nobody who can tell you what you can “expect” or what you “should” do, everyone handles their finances differently and every couple has different set ups for getting through mat leave. You need to speak to your partner and come to an agreement that works for both of you, the reality is he doesn’t HAVE to do anything, so things like “I can expect” or “I should not” are not relevant here, it’s a case of discussing between you what works for everyone and what everyone is happy with, especially if unmarried you have no legal or financial protection so be careful.

I would recommend getting married though because it is the best way to ensure that what's his is also yours (and vice versa) and things are divided up fairly in the event of a split.