To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

Same here.
I couldn't be doing with "you pay this, I pay that" type thing.
All money goes in and out of one account and life is easier.

you're literally a team, bringing up a baby together. All money becomes joint, so whatever you get from SMP can be combined with his income and then that total is used to pay mortgage, bills, food, everything for the baby and then if anything left over, you can each use some for yourself. You both have free access to all the money, ideally a joint account with a debit card each.

Any woman reading this without a baby yet, DO NOT GET PREGNANT WITHOUT AGREEING THE ABOVE WITH YOUR PARTNER FIRST! Any man who doesn't agree to this is not worthy of having a child with you!

Everything your partner earns while you're on mat leave is because YOU are picking up the slack at home. If he had to look after baby 100% of the time, he wouldn't be able to earn anything either.

The thing is, he will agree to this and has suggested it. I'm here for the advice. And I'm really appreciating it.

We have a joint account for joint expenses, ie mortgage, food, petrol, bills etc.

We were pretty evenly matched in terms of deposits to said account I think her £500 me £600 per month

When on Mat leave it was switched to her £200 and me on £1000. Since she hasn't returned to work full time it is still at that and has since shifted to her £300 and me £1500 to do more overpayments to the mortgage.

We did speak and he believes what's his is ours. I'm asking for nuances on how couples do it.

Like you, I was fiercely (and financially) independent until my late thirties. Now that we have a family, we choose to put family first.

We have a joint account too. Everything goes into the joint account. And then we transfer the same amount of ‘pocket money’ to our individual accounts.

Pocket money covers non-child discretionary expenses such as clothes, haircuts, parking fines and speeding tickets, lunches and coffees etc.

Bills and cars etc are joint expenses. If we do something together, it is a joint expense. If it concerns children, it is a joint expense. There are more joint expenses than personal expenses.

Actually, thinking of it in those terms might be misleading - expenses that are personal such as medical etc also come from the joint account. Expenses that are both personal and discretionary are from our own individual accounts.

Well you're doing the right thing recognising you need to bolster your knowledge in this area. This will prevent you hopefully being a future poster who thought marriage was old fashioned or just a bit of paper, and is in a desperate position.

No one knows everything and mumsnet is a great place to learn about various topics.

Have you had the baby? Or is this a hypothetical baby scenario? x

at the moment you are both paying INTO a joint account to cover bills. Reverse this.

all money into joint account and then you both get the same pocket money OUT of the account.

me and my partner get £150 each to spend on clothes, coffees, personal purchases. We agreed what came out of the joint account and what comes out of our pocket money.

the joint account is for both to use regardless of what they earn/put in. It pays for the kids clothes, food shopping, mortgage, meals out etc. I don’t ask for money from him and he doesn’t from me.

in normal life I’m the higher earner but on maternity leave he is. Either way, we agreed our finances, savings goals etc and we stick to it.

We don’t have joint money but we do have a joint account. We were both divorced when we met and I was financially independent. We got married when I was 7 months pregnant to safeguard my DH as his friend had huge custody issues. The law has changed since then… we have a joint account for expenses but I had a good job with v good maternity conditions and pay so didn’t really need help. Also had a great pension. I gave it all up for DH’s job and we moved abroad. I really struggled with asking for money and not earning, so I went back to full time work. IMHO a woman should always be able to fully support herself and her kids without any help. One never knows what is around the corner and relying on a partner to provide is just not sensible these days.

I remember a lengthy post a while ago that encouraged the OP, who was unmarried but, I think, expecting a baby, to consider marriage not as a hearts and flowers party of a lifetime but as a financial contract.

It was long and gave a lot of detail (but still wasn’t comprehensive because there is a lot to cover) of all the benefits marriage provides, usually but not exclusively for the lower earner and/or primary carer. So, usually but not exclusively for women.

It also pointed out that most of the benefits of being married could easily replicated through legal agreements, contracts, trusts etc so that the OP could avoid marriage if she had wanted. The legal fees to set this up would be thousands of pounds. But getting the exact same protection through marriage would cost less than £100.

That OP came back to the thread after talking to her partner to say that they had decided to get married.

We have a historical joint account that was our marriage fund. When the first one of us dies the other is to use it to go out to dinner and is to toast the deceased.

We do not have any other joint accounts we have a complex financial set up because we invest and when we did high risk stuff there wasn’t time to consult each other. We have the absolute Mother of all spreadsheets, many multiple data sets and scenario planning. We however enjoy this sort of planning, it’s a serious pursuit and has enabled us to both retire by 56. We are in direct competition on who can make the most.

If you do not marry and break up you split your house as in joint names but that is it. You keep your own assets and pension. It’s in the lower earners interest to marry which usually means the woman. Plus if you think you may have a decent level of assets ever then IHT rules mean it’s far better to be married.

Just have your registry office wedding . We did this though though we did have a reception but it was just the village hall and then had a 3 week honeymoon, a week in the UK, and then two weeks in Kenya.

Can I also add that debt can be kept private.

For instance if your DP runs up £50k of debt and decides to go for a debt plan of some sort, they can ask for it to be kept private and you can be kept in the complete dark. And vice versa, you can keep that from him. No letters sent to house, no calls to landline, not allowed to give details to anyone except the client etc etc.

There are many scenarios where a husband/wife or partner is drowning in debt, on some sort of debt plan but it is not known within the relationship.

So in addition to the budget meetings we have, we also have sought to build our credit scores and credit reports together over the years and they are now the highest they can be. We have monitored and worked on these together. There is absolute full transparency about all things financial, we want to be on the same page.

There are lots of couples who do the "his money/her money" and one of them is up to their eyeballs in debt.

I've known several cases where the plan was apparently to buy together, both saving for a house apparently. Meanwhile one of them has absolutely sunk their plan as they have built up debt and ruined their credit rating in secret. People with high paid jobs, fancy cars etc and they have ruined themselves either with living beyond means or gambling.

I know this from work.

So my advice would also to be to encourage the working on your credit ratings together and go through credit reports together and thoroughly to spot anything that needs worked on. If there is pushback, then why?

Write down or spreadsheet:
Whats his credit rating?
Whats your credit rating?
What debts does he have?
What debts do you have?
Whats the plan of paying off debts, snowball method? avalanche method?
Anything strange in report that could be negatively affecting either of your ratings?
Are general details up to date?
Whats the plan to improve each of your credit ratings to the max?

Going forward this will protect both you and him from the scenarios I have mentioned above. x

Why is it even a question then? 😂

You absolutely should not be afforded the same protections while cohabiting as married couples. Marriage is a legal contract that gives you certain rights, responsibilities and enforceable protections. You shouldn’t be able to accidentally stumble your way into said legal contract by living together, as there’s no way to untangle if you both agreed to forgo marriage during your relationship and now it’s ended, the disgruntled ex is making a grab for half the other one’s assets.

I would strongly advise any young woman to make marriage the first legal relationship they establish with a boyfriend - before joint bank accounts, joint property ownership, and joint responsibility for children.

Completely agree with this.

We worked out how much we would be short and saved up beforehand so we had a pot of money to cover my salary shortfall.

Of course they should, because your job is caring for your baby – otherwise you would have to pay for external care.

My DH covered all our expenses during my mat leave (which was statutory), and my SMP was 'fun money'. We don't have a joint account.

Just put all of both of your wages into it. Wages or mat pay or whatever income. And then yeah both just use it to pay for stuff.

We started pooling money once I started maternity leave. We worked out our total joint income over the maternity period of 12 months, then split it by 12 to give us a reduced monthly income over the period. Based on that initially we had a surplus in the early months when I was on full pay and that was set aside to then supplement the months later on when my income was reduced.

We each drew a personal spending allowance from the pot every month.

Obviously we were lucky we could cover the shortfall this way, rather than having to save in advance.

I am always reminded of this

https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/health-and-families/pregnancy-compensation-mother-pay-gap-b2031258.html

My partner paid for all bills and rent and I used my mat pay for food shopping and baby expenses. Worked well for us.

We don’t figure out who pays what. Never has. It goes into one account. I’ve not worked for 7 years almost, I buy what I want and need. We talk over big purchases.
If there is less money coming in (such as maternity pay instead of full salary) then fewer purchases or cut backs, together.
I don’t get separate finances when you live together.

We saved before mat leave so my split was taken from that. Once that was gone we apportioned the bills based on maternity pay so we would have the same money left after bills etc.

This meant I had my own money, although the joint “pot” is always there I never had to ask for money if that makes sense.

We do the same as this. All money is joint money but we maintain our own accounts to have our own discretionary spending money without feeling guilty. We each get the same amount of discretionary money regardless of what we earn. When one of us changes salary for any reason (new job, promotion, mat leave, SPL) we assess the amount and amend either up or down if needed/desired but always get the same.