To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

Well I've tried to save enough to cover my side of the mortgage but my DP is insisting he cover it so I've suggested I pay 1/3 and he pays 2/3 , I've saved for it so it doesn't sit well with me that he cover it all if it's too much of a strain on him then we will go back to 50/50 though I'll have no savings at all let but that's what it's there for

We just pooled all our money a long time before kids came along. I've never felt bad for spending money DH has earned because everything is joint. It's just our family pot.

⬆️ This

Sorry I know it’s not what it are asking but I wanted to highlight the risks of having a baby unmarried. (Very different if you are independently wealthy or you plan to go back full time quite quickly, or dh will be the primary caregiver)

*if dh does become primary caregiver then getting married would help protect him financially.

Joint account where all household income goes and all household outgoings go out.

No personal accounts in use.

Monthly "meetings" to do a zero budget with categories and percentages of income, forecasting every single outgoing and allocating every penny of income. We do this together.

We have read and followed Dave Ramsey method for over a decade. The book was Total Money Makeover.

I personally don't think it's right to have separate accounts, for a husband to pay his wife to care for his child, for a wife to have to ask for help or for a husband to watch his wife suffer financially.

If your close enough to love each other, live together and have a child together. There is no longer his/hers, it's the family pot.

I think saying it's old fashioned to getting married is naive. You've had his child and sounds like your now in a vulnerable financial position as there's a power imbalance. You have no financial protection that a marriage offers. It's not a laughing matter?

Even for the financial protection you could have went to registry office.

I think the fact your asking now baby is here maybe points out a gap in your financial literacy that you're seeking to start filling now by asking here. But managing money as a family needs knowledge, work and a team commitment mentality. I do think that should have been hashed out pre-baby.

If someone isn't willing for there to be a family pot, for me that's a red flag and concerning you also have no marriage protection either.

If you were my daughter I'd feel very, very concerned. Sending you best wishes x

If you are having a child with a man who’s not already paying half of all bills, then you ARE being financially abused. That’s not a judgement, it’s a fact.
Unless there’s a huge backstory, then I would expect all living costs to be shared equally between couples. During a period of Mat leave, I would expect the working partner to make a greater contribution. But I also would expect the couple to have had this conversation before deciding to have a child together.

My mother recently got contacted by a company that tracks down potential beneficiaries when someone dies without making a will. A cousin of hers had died, so she potentially could make a claim on his estate.

His partner of 40 years had minimal rights and was in the position of having to prove what was hers and what was part of his estate.

Happily he had made a will and it was tracked down to the solicitor who had drawn it up a couple of decades ago.

Seriously, if you are committed enough to have a child together, just do the paperwork. No need to tell anyone else or involve anyone else if you don't want to.

We have a joint account for all family expenses (mortgage, bills, food, childcare for eldest, children's expenses like new clothes or clubs / activities). Pre baby, we earned about the same so we paid in the same amount and then anything extra was our own to spend on what we like. Any excess each month from the joint account went into joint instant access savings, separate to our own individual long term savings (we call it our fun fund!)

Whilst I was on enhanced mat pay, we kept the system the same. When I went onto SMP, we adjusted it so that DH upped his contribution quite significantly and I decreased mine, and stopped adding to the joint savings for a bit. Then periodically we pull over a top up from our joint savings if needed or we need to buy a bigger item.

We worked it out as a couple, but are married and have been living together for a long time so have shared finances for a while. We've built our lives on having two incomes, so it wasn't a case of my husband just covering all the bills and me paying nothing - we had to work out a budget that would allow us to cover joint expenses, personal expenses, living expenses, baby expenses, and then split any money left over equally. We both viewed mat leave as a joint expense, and saved / budgeted together to cover the shortfall.

We also did the same when he took shared parental leave and I went back to work.

Asking from those more experienced.

1. Get married
2. Have joint account that your incomes are paid into and bills come out of. There's no "my money" "your money" when you're a family.
3. Make sure he does his share of household tasks and cooking whilst you're on ML.

Why would you have no savings - are your savings not joint?

@Parker231 no not joint and that's they way we both like it , we have a joint account for mortgage , bills anything house related but then our finances are separate I personally rather it that way and so does my DP.

You shoulda stayed single and very independent 😁

OP why do you NOT think marriage is important? You’ve just entered into a lifetime commitment with the father of your child.
I have zero interest in the morality or religious side of marriage. It’s a contract and protects women who always end up holding the baby when things go wrong. You should insure against things going wrong.

Anyway. We just sat down and worked out what was coming in and put more bills in his name. I went back part time after DC1 then DC2 was twins and it would have cost me money to work so I had a few years off.

I understand the guilty feeling of not earning and always spent less on myself than he did because of that. Don’t be me!

So why would your savings be depleted by maternity leave and not your DP’s?. Do you have the same personal money each month or only what you individually have left?

This was when we moved to joint finances! All the wages into the same pot.

Finances are a major cause of why people fall out. It’s extraordinary that you’re having a child but haven’t talked through money and your future together. It reads as though neither of you is thinking about the family unit- you certainly didn’t talk it through before the pregnancy. Do you talk about other financial commitments? Have you discussed what would happen if one of you becomes ill or dies? Have you each made wills? Thought about what would happen if you split up? Why not?

What do you mean "Ill placed judgement"?
What is judgemental about
@Pinkissmart referring to the fact there are so many totally shocking threads on MN where women are financially abused by their partners whilst on maternity leave?
Unnecessarily unpleasant response to a valid comment.

he believes what's his is ours

This is laughable. The naivety! Are you quite young, OP?

Marriage will help to protect, secure and recognise the financial impact on your career and long-term earning power of you taking a career break / mat leave and having a baby, which sadly still exists "in this day and age", by divvying up assets between the two of you fairly should your relationship (marriage) fail, so you shouldn't been disadvantaged by having a baby.

Without that, should your relationship fail, you've got nothing because your partner "believes what's his is ours" but only while you were together.

Nobody wants their relationship to fail, but inevitably many do. Babies test even the strongest of relationships.

I don't understand, in today's day and age, with divorce levels so high (relationship fail) and single parents so numerous (relationship fail) why any mother wouldn't want to give herself and her child financial security.

We saved a bit each month through my pregnancy to cover my half of the bills. Anything that didn't cover each month he paid extra to make up the shortfall. But, I was on full pay for the first 26 weeks so we only had a few months of me being on a lower wage. We aren't married, our finances are separate and we pay 50/50 bills not proportional to wages so we are doing it pretty much all wrong but it works for us.

Share your leave with him to help you feel more balanced if it helps:

www.teachersspl.co.uk/

Totally, and I have read them. You're right, no one knows what's around the corner. I guess that's why I started this thread, to hear all kinds of advice. I am very grateful.

Married. Everything into the joint pot. Each receive £300 fun money each month.

You have had a baby- your finances are now permanently impacted. There is no fair split other than equally in my opinion (and by equally I mean the shared pot, not equal bills)

Has he also been saving for it?

I get what you're saving. I guess I am naive in terms of the legality and the protections afforded. Luckily, whatever I propose is better for me/us/our family, I know my partner will be in agreement if it is for my protection. That's the thing, the thread isn't about terrible things happening to me, it's about me finding the best course of action. But thank you for the non patronising part of your message 😊