To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

If you are committed enough to bring a child into the world together, marriage is less of a big deal. It pretty much exists to guarantee the protection of women having children.

If you feel like it needs to be fair or “justified”: the child is 50% his, so you are doing his share of childcare due to being on mat leave. It’s entirely fair he covers more financially in return.

So we have a joint account and pay in a set amount each month, him slightly more as he earns more. So I should stop paying into that whilst on the 'terrible' end of SMP and use the account for my own personal spending as well as household?

We saved pre pregnancy and during pregnancy the additional amount we would need to cover whilst I was on maternity leave and for baby related items (turned out to be twins so expensive ).
I went back to full time work after six months and after a good maternity package so only short period of less income- although then huge nursery bills!

You shouldn't need to ask for money for yourself. Pre having terrible mat pay,you need to be discussing how money will be shared. How terrible? If you kept all of it, would you have the same personal funds as him? If not, his money needs shared above and beyond bills.

Thank you. I think I just need my own thoughts validated if that makes sense.

wow this comment is nuts. he's just not that into her??? massive eyebrow raise

You both contribute on a percentage basis based on your individual income.

How did you do it pre baby?

We are married but even before that (I moved to his home country & wasn’t working while I learnt the language), we had joint finances & that has continued. With a baby in the mix, anything else would be extremely unfair on the mother.
We have separate accounts but still joint finances… he pays the bills and I have the savings. Big purchases are discussed. We have access to each other’s accounts. I buy most of the baby’s things but he does the food shop except for little extra things I need when I’m out… feels fair to me.

£185 a week. I agree. It's just a conversation I need to get on with having, it's not him that's the issue it's me. I need to realize the enormity of what I will be doing whilst 'not working' and the recognition we all deserve for doing it.

Basically he isn't doing the maternity leave so you're doing him a MASSIVE favour taking it all on.

In the same way. Baby is not here yet 😊

i think its justified to stop paying into a savings acc while on mat leave. i saved for my mat leave, didnt pay into savings while on leave but topped that up when back on full pay

Thanks, the comment is hilarious. I often wonder how people go from zero to one hundred in their heads.

@Teacherprebaby - if you're on SMP and you carry on as you are, you probably don't have any spare money to spend on yourself. While your husband does?

Two of you made the baby, you're both parents, you're sacrificing your salary to look after the baby in their early months of life - all your money should be pooled together and split 50:50.

He should also be topping up your pension contributions if you can afford this as a couple

I didn’t have DC until I was with “D”P who saw us a team who were jointly raising a family. so finances were joint

If it was a “mistake” pregnancy then that would be different.

We've always had a joint account that we both pay into each month to cover all essentials. The proportion each of us has varied over the years as incomes have varied or maternity leave etc.
We still have our own accounts but it means family costs are always covered.

DH and I have kept all money in a joint bank account since we moved in together. We’re a family and so we have family money.

Wow, so pleased your crystal ball can tell you so much about another couples relationship .... she might not want to get married!

True and fair. We both wanted a baby first as we are not 'that' young anymore. Totally committed, he is an amazing partner to be honest. This thread is genuinely about me and what I need to realize for myself.

There are some people who believe that having a baby at all is a little old-fashioned. I would advise you to look up what legal protections both of you are forgoing by choosing to have an illigitimate child - if it's "just a piece of paper" as many claim, then you may as well get said piece of paper.

I am the child of unmarried parents, and the experience is why I would never, ever even consider having a child without being married. My husband and I agreed when we began to sleep together three years into our relationship, that if I got pregant at any point, we would be getting married the same month. Having unmarried parents gives you no solid base as a child, as your parents have no legal relationship with, or obligation to, each other, outside of being your parents. There is no sense of being grounded, a part of a family that was started because your parents loved each other enough to make a legal commitment, not just because your parents weren't as careful as they could have been and found themselves having to deal with an unplanned pregnancy.

I'm sorry OP but your comments on marriage make yoy sound a bit naive.

It's not about jumping on the financial abuse bandwagon (is there one?!)
It's about protecting yourself and your child financially.
There are endless threads on here where women end up with the shitty end of the stick because their partners leave them to pick up the shortfall of maternity pay or expect them to pay for childcare once they return to work, want them to work part time yet they have way more personal spends etc etc.

Marriage doesn't prevent all this but it does ensure that what you've put into the partnership will be recognised legally in terms of housing, assets, pension and so on.

‘Theoretically’ add both your incomes when you are on Mat leave together each month (ie on a spreadsheet or whatever)

take out essential spends (mortgage bills food budget), agree a monthly ‘baby’ pot (clothes, sensory/swimming, random spends) then split the rest between you - either take half each or agree an equal amount and save some as joint savings for whatever your goals are. And if outgoings are unfortunately less than income then make a plan for that.

I mean if you get mega into it then make him contribute some to your pension to make up for a shortfall but I could never be arsed with that.

And if you’re going back part time then do get married.

We pay into a joint account based in proportion to our earnings. That covers bills, mortgage, food etc. The rest stays in our personal accounts for whatever.

For maternity leave, I calculated how much I'd get in total (enhanced mat pay + statutory) divided by how many months I was planning to be off. And then we just re-adjusted the calculation for that. So I still contributed but the split was more like 20:80 compared to the 50:50 it had. Even.