To think that your partner steps up financially when you are on mat leave (SMP)

[Teacherprebaby]

Just that really, how did couples split the finances during mat leave? I'm talking mortgage repayments, bills etc.

This isn't one of those threads....

Thank you, the thing is, he is open to anything I suggest. I'm just here, as you said, for the advice. I really am taking on board the marriage advice most people are giving.

there are so many women on here that would have written exactly as you have and gone on to be in a very vulnerable position.

I guess my question wasn't well worded. He is absolutely stepping up, I'm looking for approaches to this that have worked for other couples.

You're right, how often do I read ' I wish I had known better, or I wish I hadn't been blinded when things were going well'. This thread has really made me reconsider marriage. When I read those stories, I do get that, that woman could be me, or any of us.

Where did I say he wasn't paying his share? That's not what I'm asking, I'm asking for logistics that work for different couples.

Are you doing shared parental leave? I wish it had been around when we had DT’s - DH would have loved the extra time with them.

Thank you, all of these stories are really giving me something to think about.

Wow, no I'm not in that position thankfully.

Absolutely not old fashioned. It’s actually very sensible legal advice and wealth planning.

I do not understand some people’s aversion to having a legal contract that says for this period of time we are living together we are jointly building a life and our finances are shared accordingly. A contract that can be ended in future. But will have a baby without that legal and financial protection, which will result in them being tied to the other person forever.

The thing about marriage is that your relationship has legal status. You have made that relationship legal, which makes you have to unmake it legally as well. That means that if you split up, everything you both own goes into one pot and gets divvied up fairly.

If you aren't married, everything could tick along nicely for years, and then one day it all comes to an end unexpectedly and you have absolutely no entitlement to any savings or assets he's been able to accumulate while you've been doing unpaid labour for the benefit of the whole family such as childcare and housework.

That's why marriage is usually in a woman's financial interests, unless she happens to be much better off than the man.

I would, however, advise that when you're able to (probably not during maternity leave) you keep enough money in the joint account to cover all your family expenses and then divide whatever is left between you for personal spending and savings. Because if you do want to get a divorce at some point and need to pay a lawyer, the fact that you technically own half of whatever he has will not help you exercise your rights if you don't actually have any money of your own, saved in a bank account he doesn't have access to.

This isn't what you want to be thinking of when you're happy together and having a baby, but it's how you prevent yourself from becoming THAT woman who posts on Mumsnet in ten years' time saying her partner is cheating on her and she's been on maternity leave and working part time and the house is in his name and she has no money of her own.

Planning ahead like this does you no harm at all, and hopefully you'll never need to fall back on it.

It's not old fashioned to want some rights and security in marriage.

I've been with my partner 14 years and have a 1 year old
We've always kept money separate, he preferred it that way to begin with as I was a lower earner and bigger spender. I now prefer it because I'm the higher earner and also higher spender and don't want a discussion if I want to spend money on something he might see as extravagant
I have no intention of getting married ATM, I may change my mind if legally it will benefit me.
We've done wills and are currently looking at LPOAs
When one of us was on statutory parental pay we both put all our pay into the joint account and took out a small equal amount each for personal spends. As soon as we were both back full time working we went back to keeping money separate and paying the same amount into the joint account every month for bills
I don't want to share money as I studied really hard to change careers and qualify and am finally earning a decent wage so the idea of sharing some of that annoys me!
Once the novelty has worn off Ill probably suggest we put into the joint account as a ratio of our earnings!

Get married honestly, otherwise do not give the baby his name.

We've always kept £x for personal spending (we each get the same amount), then the rest of our income goes into a joint account for everything shared. So we're essentially keeping a bit of our personal salaries (which felt important to my husband) but splitting everything 50/50. The amount we transfer varies depending on salary.

To me it's the same as all income going into the joint account then us both getting £x transferred to personal account but he felt odd about that. But we're pretty flexible anyway so if one of us uses the joint account for a personal expense it's no issue.

This. Incredibly naive if you don’t understand the financial advantages of getting married before kids.

It's a thread about maternity pay and finances on a public forum.
A poster made a relevant and valid comment.
You are totally entitled to disregard posts which you don't think are useful to you but I don't see the necessity to be snide and unpleasant when a poster's input doesn't conform to your own line of thinking.

Yes of course, I'm on mat leave now. We worked out how much we need to cover bills and then each have the same amount of pocket money. I contributed my SMP and he made up the difference. What was left from his salary went into our joint savings.

Now my SMP is coming to an end all of his salary will go to bills and our pocket money, and the shortfall will come from those joint savings.

Me and DH had a joint account from as soon as we planned to start TTC.

When I got pregnant we put away £300 a month into a separate account so by the time baby arrived we had about £3’000 as back-up money.

My maternity pay went straight into the joint account each month. All expenditures came out of the joint account each month as they always had done and then we just took money from the “back-up account” if we needed it to cover any shortfalls.

It’s not about men “stepping up” - it’s about them having the brain cells to realise that women on maternity pay usually cannot afford to contribute to the household in the same manner they used to. Any man who doesn’t realise this and still expect his partner to pay 50/50 (or whatever their prior arrangement was) is either stupid or a twat.

Everything @MissScarletInTheBallroom says. I have been on MN for 18 years. Dh and I were married before having children, I went part time after Ds1 was born. Then I had to quit working for health reasons so I don't have any income and haven't had for over 20 years. Fortunately for us me being home meant Dh could advance his career because he could stay late, not leave a meeting early to collect Ds from nursery, which he used to do as we shared the nursery runs.

Should we get divorced I am entitled to money that I did not earn ie his work pension and a share of the house. I don't have to prove I paid anything toward the mortgage etc because one, I didn't and two I am married so I have automatic rights to the martial home.

You never know what life will throw at you. Your child could have additional needs that sees one of you either working part time or not at all. There have been lots of threads about this over the years. The woman is usually the one impacted by maternity leave and often the part time worker, sometimes school doesn't have enough places for wrap around care so someone has to pick those children up. The women are often the ones in the lower paid job and expected to be the one to pick up their ill child from nursery. They are the ones whose careers are impacted due to childcare commitments. There have been posts where Fathers just refuse to leave work or don't answer phone calls from the nursery.

There are also many threads on the man now earning 4 times what he did, will not marry because he has everything already, a partner, children and his money is his, he is not required to share it. He won't marry because he risks his pension pot etc. This is why people post about getting married because of the legal protections.

Exactly this. It’s a literal legal and financial contract that 9/10 protects the woman - particularly if you have children.

Having a baby limits your earning power at the height of when you should be climbing the career ladder. It often impacts your career for the rest of your life.

Imagine a man being able to climb the ladder, earn a fantastic salary, have a couple of kids and tell his partner not to worry about money- what’s his is hers. Pays into his now very generous pension. Puts all the savings in his name (but that’s ok right because he says you have access). Meanwhile you earn, but not as much as you would have. You’ll live to his lifestyle - buying holidays etc because ‘you’ have the money and build no savings as a result. He then decides he prefers someone else and leaves. Doesn't even need to pay cms because you split the kids evenly. His retirement savings are triple yours and you end up working til you’re 83.

Please tell me you’re both on the deeds for the house.

All money is joint money, however much that is and whoever earns it!

I do wish I had been on here when I became pregnant. I was so naive, and other stuff.

Not married (no intention to and don't need the financial protection, I hate how everyone on these threads assume that the woman does). Wills up to date etc.

We carried on putting money towards bills 50/50 as we've always done (I didn't really struggle with my share until the unpaid part of mat leave, at which point partner obviously put more in). But I didn't have anything left over for spends, so everything I or baby needed went on a joint credit card which he paid off each month.

I have to say that having the baby has made us a bit more joint with our money. Now I'm back at work we're going to review how we want to do it going forwards, but it will definitely involve separate accounts.

Thank you for sharing your story. I understand what you are saying and it makes total sense. Things don't magically work out how you want them to. It is also very obvious that women's rights are not a concern for our government when we 'have to' marry to protect ourselves financially.