Adult Children who live at home the heating goes on when your parents say so.

[oktheber]

Just a bit of a rant really with some young colleagues I work with in their 20's who live with their parents. Yes I know it has been snowing, yes I know you're freezing cold but at the end of the day if you're parents will only have the heating on for a couple of hours in the evening then that's absolutely their right to choose to that. Just because you pay them rent, which is not at market value I should say, does not mean you can put the heating on the days you WFH and your parents are right to be furious for you do that.

AIBU?

But they’re paying rent! What are they paying for?

I earn a slightly above average wage, single income household and while I don’t have the heating on 14 hours a day I do have the heating in my study/spareroom on for about 4-6 hours throughout the day.

It depends on your home insulation /size of house etc I guess but mine doesn’t need to be on ALL the time for me to avoid being cold.

for some reason my bedroom is a lot more draughty than my other rooms, so sometimes I do need to have the heating on overnight unfortunately. Ideally I’d have it on for for about 4 hours when I go to bed but there’s no timer. I can’t win - end up waking up too hot but the alternative is waking up in the middle of the night feeling cold if I leave it on.

I have to say I don’t take it for granted that I can take the financial hit in increased energy bills having grown up in a low income single parent household where it just wasn’t possible.

Not at all. But if my ds is WFH and needs the heating on it goes on - he can contribute a bit more to cover it.

The clue is in the "working" bit. They are earning money. The issue is T them wanting heating - it's parents not asking for a fair contribution if they need more.

The thread is called, Adult children who live at home, the heating goes on when your parents say so, l’d say this is controlling and many other posters have said the same.
The majority of adult children would be paying rent, contributing, so why is it unreasonable they would be able to have heating on when they’re cold.They have to ask permission, this is reasonable?

Perhaps their parents love them more than yours did, and don't want them working in the cold.

Anything below 18 degrees is actively bad for your health. Take it from the government's public health guidance. Below that it puts pressure on the body, including your heart. One of the reasons A&E fills up in winter.

Really? 🥺
Or they can just move out and enjoy their own decisions re heating.

What is reasonable is to find a compromise that keeps them all reasonably warm and out of debt.
But, I do not know of anyone who keeps an eye on the heating just for fun. They do it due to the affordability. Also, the typical person that puts the heating at 20 C and walks around in tshirt. It is just plain obvious.

Of course, compromise is important and yes affordability, l get this.I do think this thread, is coming from a dictatorial stance, if grown up children are financially contributing, to live in the family home, then of course they should be able to have heating on and not have to ask for permission.Your example, of people walking around in a tee shirt, is just a big generalisation, it’s not typical.As a child, teenager, always had a warm home, l also understood, dress appropriately, if still cold then, the heating would go on.

I would hate my DD27 or anyone else in my home to be cold.

Lucky you that money wasn't an issue for you.

Your inability to empathise is what's weird.

Sigh 🙄

I wouldn’t be able to work properly if I was too cold.

they shouldn’t be sitting there in shorts and T-shirt wanting heating on but as long as they are appropriately dressed with warm clothes then if the heating is needed to keep them warm it is needed and necessary.

Went to visit my mother for 2 days for a wedding and didn’t even ask just popped the heating on because it was FREEZING and miserable. In fact my entire childhood and teen years were freezing and miserable because they live in a city where it rains all year and the cold is so damp it gets to your bones. I run naturally cold and it makes me completely miserable and sparks some health issues I have (I have literally moved to the sunniest city and country nearby to not go through cold weather unnecessarily).

Being cold is a miserable experience. I love going to visit my grandma and love her partner but he is loaded yet you have to beg for a little bit of heat in the home (even with heat on you will still be frozen but less likely to see your breath). It’s bonkers to me.

I on the other hand live in a city where winter are warm (yet I am still cold and will be putting the heating on when temperatures properly drop) and summers are scorching hot. I don’t mind the heat, and don’t like AC’s because the change in temperature and dry air makes me sick. BUT I know most people appreciate it and I want my guests to feel comfortable in my home so I have installed an AC unit in all bedrooms + living room in my home (and I technically live solo so don’t need 4 AC units). My mom comes to visit for 2 weeks each year and you bet she has the AC running so I will turn up the heat at her place when I visit guilt-free.

and if I lived with her full time and paid rent I would definitely put the heating on and expect her to charge me the rent she feels is fair inclusive of being able to live in a comfortable environment temperature wise.

Get Teddy Bear Fleece bedding. I've never been cold in bed since I discovered it. Don't need a hot water bottle either.

Currently I'm the only one working from home as DS works at a supermarket! I've had my electric blanket on lots of today. We did put the heating on in the morning and evening but it hasn't reached past zero outside so was pretty cold. I quite often have hats on during teams meetings!

My comment stands in relation to the content of your initial comment.

Depends if it's rent inclusive or exclusive of bills.

It's unreasonable because it might cost too much! We've told you this already. Sometimes unless you are paying the actual bill, and not just contributing to it, you're not aware just how much some costs actually are!

What a horrible comment.

This is quite unusual charging children to live in their own home and not letting them be warm and comfortable. Do you ration the food and water too?

People in their twenties are not children, and should be moving towards independence and funding homes for themselves. Making things too comfortable for them in the parental home can act as a disincentive to do this.

It's not unusual to charge adult children rent (or 'keep').
It's not unusual to have to be careful about energy use/costs.

So many naive comments on this thread.

Surely part of parenting is to move on from “telling” as if the child is a toddler, and move onto “discussing”. There’s absolutely no reason why a working adult DC cannot contribute more for the extra heating costs, so I really cannot understand why any parent wouldn’t just have a reasonable conversation about it and set the ground rules- ie if you want more heating during the day then you’ll need to pay for it.

That’s how parenting works when it’s an adult child.

Regardless of my ability (or not) to pay for extra heating I’d never want my child to sit there in this kind of cold and try to work. A simple discussion would sort it so- just, why???

And on that note, just why are you so upset about someone else’s business OP?

@Begsthequestion

or maybe OP’s parents had less money?