Adult Children who live at home the heating goes on when your parents say so.

[oktheber]

Just a bit of a rant really with some young colleagues I work with in their 20's who live with their parents. Yes I know it has been snowing, yes I know you're freezing cold but at the end of the day if you're parents will only have the heating on for a couple of hours in the evening then that's absolutely their right to choose to that. Just because you pay them rent, which is not at market value I should say, does not mean you can put the heating on the days you WFH and your parents are right to be furious for you do that.

AIBU?

What a weird and insensitive attitude to have. My parents' home is also my home, it is a family home. Never in a million years would my parents ever make me suffer in the cold. They would make sure I'm warm and comfortable, especially if I'm working from home.

Are you aware that parents who don't/can't have the heating on all day may not doing it because they want anyone to suffer but sinply because they cannot afford it? It's very privileged to not have to think about bills.

Wow this post really does show up the difference income makes to lifestyles.
We have the heating on for an hour 2/3 times a day 16/18 degrees - not through choice but affordability. We wear lots of layers including dressing gowns over clothes.
It’s not a case of being mean it’s what we can afford . Heating for many is a luxury .

Years ago if we were visiting MIL in winter we would put our coats on as we were getting out of the car but she had no central heating, just gas fires downstairs, nothing upstairs.

My family home is a flat. That is how I can afford to heat it!

We are committed flat dwellers.

I lived in a freezing cold home as a child and adult child living at home. No matter how warmly dressed I was it was always always cold. The heating went on for two hours in the evening. Nowhere near enough to actually warm the house.

There's being mindful of the utility bill (ie being properly dressed first, not in shorts and t-shirts, only heating the rooms your using)

And then theres this.

We certainly do have the heating on with our adult kids. The fact they live at home helps pay the high heating costs. . We draw the line at high heating past 11pm, and also raising the thermostat above 19 so that people don't have to wear jumpers! It's generally a warm house.

@Fiery30

well, no , it’s not your home, it’s your parents home. Presumably where you live is your home? Your parents wouldn’t say that’s their home too would they?

If it’s for cost reasons then the clear response is, “I have no issue if you are going to pay for the cost of that on the monthly gas bill”. If it’s not for cost reasons then I think the parents ABU. Not exactly rocket science is it. If parents don’t want it on just for the sake of having control still over their adult children, then we have to ask who really is the child in this equation.

If it’s not for cost reasons then I think the parents ABU

It isn't possible that there are other options? An adult child who wants the heating set to 'tropical' because they prefer to wear just a t-shirt? A parent who prefers 'just above freezing' for no other reason than that's what's comfortable for them? How do you compromise in such a situation? I am a 'just above freezing' kind of girl plus I am compromised financially. I am prepared to compromise to a point, but if my adult child doesn't like it, he is free to find his own home where he can live like he's in the Caribbean.

It's the differences in expectations that are causing problems, old(er) people tend to dress for the temperature, younger people tend to expect the temperature to match their dress. In schools there were never ending arguments from pupils (and the dopey parents) who wanted the heating on maximum and all windows closed because they didn't like to wear a jumper or even a long sleeved shirt!
As a side line, I wonder how much firms are saving on renting office space and heating it with so many now working from home and the workers are saving on commuting, office clothes?

Absolutely not!!!!. I would never want my adult child to be sitting in the cold whilst working from home. My youngest is a 3rd year Uni student and does pay me some rent every month. This money comes in very handy towards the winter heating bills. My son can have the heating on any time during the day/evening. My only rule is no heating on overnight as I cannot sleep comfortably with it on. Thankfully he feels the same.
Don't know how anyone could work/study comfortably if they are freezing cold.

I am going to disagree with you here.
Adult children who have their own income should make a contribution towards the household whilst still living at home. I think the majority of parents take way below market rental rates. It definitely teaches your adult child that they have to pay their way if life and also the responsibility of having financial monthy commitments that have to be paid.

@Reallybadidea

i think you’re being sarcastic? Let’s hope so…

I think it’s very clear that @Reallybadidea is being sarcastic /mocking the sentiment they outline considering they open with this:

“Don't you know that on Mumsnet a parent's responsibility for their child's wellbeing is lifelong?“

Yabu

That's a totally different issue. I am simply replying to OP's post where there is no mention of the parents struggling with money. Again, I also never said anything about the heating being on all day.

No, it is my home too. I grew up there, it's a family home. And any home of mine is theirs too.

I would have found it bizarre and shameful as a grown adult working full time if I didn't contribute to the household I lived in...

If four working adults are living in a house, each working and using all the features of the house, why should only two pay for everything? The 'children' might even earn more than the adults, even if they don't, if they don't have any bills they will have a huge amount of spare income, how is that fair while the parents are struggling to pay the bills?

It's also in no way a 'new' thing, so no idea why you think that.

Why does it come as a shock to you that different cultures do things differently? In the nordic countries most 20/30 year olds won't pay their parents rent either, but that's because they aren't living with them - the average moving-out age is a decade younger than countries like greece and croatia. Yet they constantly top the world happiness indexes which doesn't seem to match with your vieled suggestion that, what, Britons don't love their kids as much? Or are obsessed with money?

You might find if you had a thermostat set to a reasonable temperature you'd pay less and feel warmer. It takes a lot of energy and costs quite a bit to heat a house from a cold start.

I hope you can be persuasive.

Living in a cold home can lead to heart attacks and stroke in elderly people.

Of course they can put t be heating on!

Completely agree

@ParkBench5 Such a bizarre comment, to say ‘It’s another example the UK is a terrible place to live for young people’. The UK is multicultural and proud to be.
When people comment on MN, saying this is just a British attitude, they’re only demonstrating their own complete ignorance.

Charging DC to stay in their own home is a peculiarly British thing and I find it very bizarre.

This. I'm from an EU country and the thought of charging your own children rent in their own home is indeed strange.

I would have found it bizarre and shameful as a grown adult working full time if I didn't contribute to the household I lived in...

Contributing can take many forms other than paying money. They can help with the cleaning, cooking, etc which is what most families do anyway for each other