Adult Children who live at home the heating goes on when your parents say so.

[oktheber]

Just a bit of a rant really with some young colleagues I work with in their 20's who live with their parents. Yes I know it has been snowing, yes I know you're freezing cold but at the end of the day if you're parents will only have the heating on for a couple of hours in the evening then that's absolutely their right to choose to that. Just because you pay them rent, which is not at market value I should say, does not mean you can put the heating on the days you WFH and your parents are right to be furious for you do that.

AIBU?

I wonder if these adult children also get to eat the MN chicken that makes 5 meals for 5 adults.

When your adult kids pay for their own heating bills, then yes, they can have the heating on. This applies either a) if they still live in your home, but pay more cos they are colder than you or b) they now live in their own place.

She most certainly would 😆 Like, leave the kids alone! Why is she getting aggrieved at other peoples heating situation?

I’m guessing OP isn’t coming back, are they? 🤣

My two brothers and sister still live with my parents, but my mum hates being cold so the heating goes on. Back when my parents were skint, we were kids and they had a prepayment meter it was different. Now there's five working adults and my mum pays the gas and electric bills by direct debit, and has built up a lot of credit on her account.

Im 50 and parents are mid-70s. Whenever I visit they simply refuse to put the heating on. All us kids get fed up, and we have to keep our coats on and often leave earlier because its too unbearable. Ive tried nicely to broach the subject - we all have- but Mum gets really really annoyed, and complains that heating makes them 'ill' and gives her headaches. I asked why she doesnt care about comfort of her guests and she just gets arsey and says if we dont like it we can leave (which we do - visits are always cut short over winter). I dont get it, she is such a lovely lovely mum, and loves visitors and is so welcoming - yet every winter this is an issue. I honestly dont know what to do about it - we all use humour now (me and my brothers and sisters in law) to them as well. Nicknamed 'the ice house' and makes jokes about how the penguins are. They just brush it off or get annoyed. I do not get it. They have plenty of money too so its not that. Does anyone get this idea that heating makes you feel horrid?? I understand overnight but in the day???? And also even if I felt like that I would be utterly mortified if my guests felt cold.

Adult DC wouldn't have that issue in our house as I am the one who is most likely to put the heating on during the day, there would be no argument from me if they wanted it on!

Oh and we have to take our shoes off. I keep my coat on and she gets annoyed if we say we are cold as if we making it up! No Mum its fucking artic in here and I can see my breath and my feet are like blocks of ice!

😂 I don’t get it either, exactly how does this affect op.It’s a strange old world.

Don't be ridiculous 🤣 if my children are cold they can put the heating on especially if working from home. I don't sit in the cold wfh and wouldn't expect my children to sit in the cold.

😂

What a naive comment.
Some people cannot afford to subsidise adult children and/or have heating on all day.

@DieStrassensindimmernass

What a naive comment.
Some people cannot afford to subsidise adult children and/or have heating on all day.

It's not naive at all. I know this. OP never mentioned affordability, neither did many other posters. It's all about controlling the adult children and making their lives as miserable as possible because they can.

My comment stands.

It's very cold this week. If someone wants the heating on when they're at home all day I think that's fine.

However, if one person always wants the heating on, then swans around in a vest top and leaves doors and windows open - then that's not reasonable and / or they should contribute a bigger proportion of the energy bill.

its not reasonable to the parents to withhold heating from someone who is cold and willing to pay for the extra heat they use.

My parents were ridiculously mean with the heating. We didn't have cental heating but switching on the storage heater in the hall was some sort of major event. They honestly thought that could heat the whole upstairs of a large house! It was absolutely freezing & miserable, I never had friends round & couldn't wait to move out.
I'd never want my dds to go through that & always tell them to put the heating on when it's cold.
I'd be mad if they left it on & went out though!
DPs did get central heating once we'd all moved out...

@DieStrassensindimmernass

My comment stands.

You called me naive about finances, your comment doesn't stand at all. I gave no indication of my understanding of the financial matters of others, therefore you cannot make that judgement. Thanks for the effort though.

No, that would not be it.
That is because the need to be in control on the heating due to too high bills is plainly obvious to some of us, so we do not explictly say it.
Nothing to do with controlling anyone, all to do with the price of it.

Depends how much the adult children contribute and whether or not the parents are financially struggling.
If you aren't financially struggling I do not think there's any justification for forcing your adult children to sit in the freezing cold. Can't ever see myself descending to the level of pettiness and control of getting angry with my kids at having put the heating on when it was snowing!! Unless I was really struggling and they weren't contributing at all...
And even if you are financially struggling, if your adult children are contributing towards the bills then they also get a say in when the heating is turned on.

It maybe my house but it's our home. If someone in it is cold, the heating goes on. If the young people you are speaking of pay below market rate, that's down to the house owner. If the house owner wants to play scrooge, they'd be better off doing it with the rent, not the heating.

6C? I seriously would not function at that temperature, unless I was doing a physical job rather than sitting at a computer. I'm not even sure my fingers would work properly to type.

My house can get down to 6, if the heating isn't on for a few days and there's a cold spell. This only happens if we're away for a few days, I certainly wouldn't live in it like that unless I really couldn't afford any heating at all.

It completely depends on circumstances.

But we are a family on maybe 1.5 to 2x the the average UK household income and there is no way we can afford to have the heating on 14ish hours per day! There's almost always someone in at home, working. And we live in a 3 bed terraced house (warmer due to neighbours) in London (warmer generally due to it being London) where the temperature outside is mostly more forgiving than lots of the UK.

So for people on this thread saying "no one in my family is ever going to feel a bit chilly in the house in a cold snap in the winter" - do you have any idea how privileged you are?

I saw a video about this earlier. I thought ‘contribute towards the bill and stop complaining.’

My adult dc can put the heating on if they are cold. If if was a major issue we would discuss it like adults.