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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Adult Children who live at home the heating goes on when your parents say so.

319 replies

oktheber · 21/11/2024 16:07

Just a bit of a rant really with some young colleagues I work with in their 20's who live with their parents. Yes I know it has been snowing, yes I know you're freezing cold but at the end of the day if you're parents will only have the heating on for a couple of hours in the evening then that's absolutely their right to choose to that. Just because you pay them rent, which is not at market value I should say, does not mean you can put the heating on the days you WFH and your parents are right to be furious for you do that.

AIBU?

OP posts:
ElsaLion · 21/11/2024 16:25

My Mum was like this when I lived with her, normally the refusal was followed with 'put a jumper on' (I was already wearing at least two), and the classic ' when I was your age, we didn't have central heating! I would wake up to (frost on the inside of the window/three feet of snow outside and warm my feet up in the oven)'. Needless to say, flus and chest infections were a frequent occurrence in our house!

Hoglet70 · 21/11/2024 16:25

DS pays rent (not much admittedly) and is allowed to turn the heating on if he's cold. He doesn't WFH, thank God, but if he's here and it's cold then he can fill his boots. I do have friends who WFH and sit and freeze as they are too tight to put the heating on (too tight being very different to too poor). Each to their own I guess but I am lucky to be able to afford to be warm.

DramaAlpaca · 21/11/2024 16:26

I have an adult son living at home. I don't mind him putting the heating on if he's cold, but he does always have the good manners to ask if it's OK.

The other day we had a discussion about the upstairs heating, and decided between us to put it on as a special treat because DH is away

Happiestwhen · 21/11/2024 16:27

Tell them invest in a heater instead , but then maybe they won't be allowed to use the electricity 🤔

MyKindCrab · 21/11/2024 16:27

I agree with you OP.
And the market rate for a room with heating on all day is not cheap.

ByHardyRubyEagle · 21/11/2024 16:28

We moved in with my parents while we saved for a deposit not that long ago and they never put tabs on when we could out the heating on!

MrTiddlesTheCat · 21/11/2024 16:28

Aren't there legal minimum temperatures for employees? Put the heating on while they're working and bill their employer for the cost.

rewilded · 21/11/2024 16:28

#Scrooge. Perfect timing OP!

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/11/2024 16:28

My adult DCs paid a contribution to all bills, like any other house sharing adult. So if the heating bill went up, so did their contribution.

MyKindCrab · 21/11/2024 16:28

Those who see no issue with this presumably have zero issues with money and can pay the bill however high it is.

Spacie · 21/11/2024 16:30

I actually get mildly annoyed with mine when they don't put it on. I like to come home to a warm house (and the timer is broken so it has to be doe by hand). And yes they are contributing to the bill.

PixieLaLar · 21/11/2024 16:30

YABU - them paying ‘rent’ to live at home still is contributing to the household bills which includes heating.

SunQueen24 · 21/11/2024 16:30

I think it’s fair for them to be comfortable especially with their WFH, my DH lit the log burner for me today before he left. If it’s a case of the parents not being able to afford it then maybe a discussion needs to be had re a bigger contribution to the bills.

mathanxiety · 21/11/2024 16:30

YABU.

People who think they're saving money by turning heating off and then back on again don't understand how heating systems work.

Is it ok to restrict water or food too, if you believe you're spending too much on it?

Heating is a basic need. A cold house is grim.

Hatty65 · 21/11/2024 16:30

Whilst I'd hate DS to be freezing cold all day he a) doesn't WFH and b) pays £50 a week to live here.

I am at home (cold) all day, cos I can't afford to put the heating on til the evening, so I've some sympathy with the OP.

Those saying in holier than thou tones, 'I never want them to be cold' obviously have no idea what it is like to have to watch every penny you spend. I'm not layering up out of choice. I'm layering up because I won't be able to pay the gas bill if I have the heating on all day. Money is tight.

Suhbataar · 21/11/2024 16:31

I think it massively depends. My teens moan about being cold whilst sitting on their arse for hours on end and wearing shorts and t shirt with bare feet. They get told to put on an oodie/joggers/slippers and move around for 5 mins.

I don't have it on all day when I'm working at home but I a) dress appropriately and b) take a screen break every couple of hours to move around and make a hot drink. If they're doing that and still cold, I'd buy them a heated blanket or poncho - it's not nice to be freezing and working.

Thelavha · 21/11/2024 16:32

I sort of understand OP and I would be annoyed if an adult child put the heating on without contributing to the bill if it was 15 degrees in September, but where I am it's been freezing this last week, I don't think I'd begrudge anyone putting it on in this weather!

LaurieFairyCake · 21/11/2024 16:32

If I had my heating on all day it would likely be £600 a month gas and electric

Not many people can afford that Confused

BobbyBiscuits · 21/11/2024 16:33

If you pay rent then your home should be comfortable. Obviously the bill payer chooses when heating is on but if I was chipping in I'd want a say in it.
I don't see why you care what your colleagues do with their heating in their own homes?

Moonlightstars · 21/11/2024 16:33

My adult child and I would discuss this and come to a compromise. They pay rent but also I love them. If 8 couldn't afford it I would explain that and see if they could chip in some more rent or if we can look to cost cut elsewhere or buy them/helped them buy an electric blanket or something!

Anotherfrozenpizzafortea · 21/11/2024 16:34

My adult ds has been moaning about being chilly at home this week. He pays board but a piddly nominal amount that goes nowhere near half the bills (excluding the mortgage), when he's walking around in literally a muscle vest and shorts.

Ask me again when you've got trackies, socks, slippers, a T-shirt and jumper on! It's winter, and cold. Dress better!

cestlavielife · 21/11/2024 16:35

Here is a plug in heater. Please use this for your wfh space and do not heat the whole house when no one else us in

Better response /\

Did you give them another option between heat whole house and nothing?

recipientofraspberries · 21/11/2024 16:35

I think you'll be a lot happier when you stop getting wound up and giving directives to a vague group of people who will all be in unique situations, with different incomes and personalities and home lives, about what they "need" to do in their own homes.

BeMintBee · 21/11/2024 16:37

Moonlightstars · 21/11/2024 16:33

My adult child and I would discuss this and come to a compromise. They pay rent but also I love them. If 8 couldn't afford it I would explain that and see if they could chip in some more rent or if we can look to cost cut elsewhere or buy them/helped them buy an electric blanket or something!

Well if you’re going to be so bloomin reasonable about things there’s no place for you on this board 🤣

Imagine a world of communication and compromise…

ohtowinthelottery · 21/11/2024 16:38

We went away for 6 weeks in September/October. I told adult DS he could put the heating on if it was cold, and showed him how to turn in on (as it had been off since Spring). As it happens, it was quite mild whilst we were away so he didn't switch it on. The day we were coming home, I messaged him to ask him to put the heating on, if he hadn't already. He had forgotten how to do it!! So no danger he'd be turning it on without permission!

A friend of ours controls the heating by Hive and has been known to turn the heating down from his phone when his adult DCs ramp it up!