To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

[NightFeeds]

That’s it really. Life feels like it is ruled by DH needing 9 hours sleep a night to function. No time for downtime after DC bedtime as it’s then his bedtime. Any disturbances and he’s ruined for days. I can’t compute but realise I’m probably being horrible and this is just a normal need I need to be more respectful of. I’d like to know what is considered normal by others

I have hyper but know lots of people with hypo, and the NHS is absolute pants at treating it... sooo many people under-medicated, if at all... One of my tradesmen has it, and he said he went to a client's house and fell asleep on their landing, woke two hours later... and he still had the devil's own job getting his meds increased...

I need 8-9. I prefer 10 but obviously work, kids and wanting to see DH gets in the way!

Yeah I wonder….they’d both just have to get on with it and sleep less on at least some nights, even if taking turns.

I think it’s worse when the “longer sleep” partner just takes it for granted the other will pick up the slack/change their habits.

In the OPs case, I wonder if her partner has ever acknowledged the fact she cuts her nights short for him or he just takes it for granted. The latter attitude is likely to cause more resentment.

I once had a flatmate who had me tiptoeing around the house until after 9am because she apparently had sleep difficulties that meant she couldn’t fall sleep until late and therefore needed to sleep in. So even me washing a breakfast bowl in the kitchen at say 8am (on a weekday) was too loud! I was ok-ish about it until she became quite entitled and failed to realise she was impinging upon my lifestyle.

I live with Myalgic Encephalitus. I need to carefully manage my rest times, my sleep times and also make sure that I have enough to eat, as I have Type 2 Diabetes. If I don't, my symptoms worsen very quickly. I've had both these health issues for several decades. If I need quickly to change forgone arrangements, afterwards I'll be laid up for twice as long.

Some common sense 🙌

I think the issue isn't that your DH wants 9 hrs sleep it's that he's making you go to bed!!!

You are a grown woman and you should get to decide when you go to bed!!! You need to discuss this with him. How did you start with this arrangement of going to bed when he tells you to? I couldn't live like this.

I love my evening when kids are in bed, watching TV, catching up on admin, doing a hobby, doing online shopping, calling friends, watching a movie, going out for a drink, he's basically taking this all away from you!
It's fine if he wants to sleep, that's no issue. But you need to decide your own bedtime!

Yes and demanding a grown adult to go to bed with you when they aren't even tired is awful. So controlling! I'd be really depressed if someone basically imprisoned me to the bedroom at 9pm every evening!

Me too! It’s absolutely not ok

I am also going to sit down with him and try to agree a best use of my time when I do not want to go to bed, which is not disruptive to him but also is fair to me. I end up going to bed and lying awake reading my phone (which is too bright for him anyway) and feeling utterly despondent most nights and it’s got to change.

I agree with pp it’s unfair he’s insisting you go to bed at 9pm too, so I’m glad you’re going to raise this with him as it’s not on.

My ex that I stayed with on weekends often went to sleep before 11pm which is early for me on a weekend night. But it was fine as I’d just watch tv or read for another hour or so then crawl into bed with him when I was tired.

I would not have tolerated having to trot off to bed at 10.30pm just because that’s what suited him.

Well research shows the health implications of not getting sufficient sleep. So I would prioritise health to be there for my family before anything 🤷‍♀️

It's perfectly within the normal range.

What about your family's health? Or does that not matter?

Would you insist your partner goes to bed at same time?!!

That's not the issue. He's making her go to bed when she isn't tired

Everyone should other than children being oxygen first. It is kind of obvious who in the thread needs more sleep.

I clearly stated that it didn't excuse him parenting.

No, that was a cross post. Why would you accuse me of something that wasn't even referred to in my post.

Definitely people who need more sleep to be less cranky.

Sure but that doesn’t mean there’s a linear relationship between failing to get exactly nine hours a night and a shorter life.

Your post implies that the OP’s husband will die young if he doesn’t go to bed at 9pm every night which is ridiculous.

It’s far more nuanced than that. Sleep is one element of a healthy life but it’s by no means the only element. Having a happy family is at least as important as hitting the exact optimal number of hours of sleep.

People are being absurdly dogmatic about this. It’s not as if an extra half hour is going to push the bloke into an early grave.

But he's currently making OP go to bed when she's not tired, which impacts her sleep and wellbeing.

So why is his health more important than hers?

@Marblesbackagain

this!

@Marblesbackagain

oh live a little! Have a night down the pub or whatever! The odd night of having less than 7 hours sleep a night never hurt anyone (certain illnesses aside)

But he's currently making her go to bed at 9pm!

If I’m made to go to bed before I’m tired, I won’t just go to sleep and sleep for longer. I will in fact end up going to sleep later as I’ll be tense and frustrated. If I did go to sleep at 9pm I’d be awake by 4am because my body just doesn’t need that much sleep. Also, annoyingly, my body really struggles to sleep at all much before 10.30/11, regardless of the time I need to up the next day. That’s probably as mystifying to long sleepers as the other way round.

The research showed those who didn't get sufficient sleep did loose time. Do not dogmatic the sufficient element is variable.

Eh I do live plenty thanks. As I said I need 7 hours so I sleep late at weekends.

@Marblesbackagain

The research showed those who didn't get sufficient sleep did loose time. Do not dogmatic the sufficient element is variable.

Can you link to this research?