To think needing 9 hours solid sleep to function is ridiculous

[NightFeeds]

That’s it really. Life feels like it is ruled by DH needing 9 hours sleep a night to function. No time for downtime after DC bedtime as it’s then his bedtime. Any disturbances and he’s ruined for days. I can’t compute but realise I’m probably being horrible and this is just a normal need I need to be more respectful of. I’d like to know what is considered normal by others

And my comment was before that 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

It's in the Op that he switches everything off and makes her go to bed!! Why does his health trump her health?

Again for those at the back my comments were prior to this.,🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤣

Prior to the OP? Are you a bit tired?

You wrote your responses before the OP started the thread?!

I’ve just went back to re-read the OP and this below would really grind my gears :

I will be lulled into chilling out and then 10 minutes later he will snap it off and be like “bedtime!”.

Ew 😑😆 like how dare you make a unilateral decision to switch off the movie I’m watching because you’re going to bed 🤣

Yeah, that is ridiculous OP. I'm sure we'd all love to spend over 1/3 of life lying in bed but that's just not realistic when you are an adult with a job and children and responsibilities.

I wish I could sleep 9 hours!

No, because I get my 7 hours hun, but my post obviously loaded afterwards.

Yeah I think people's opinions might have been different if you had made it clear from the start that he expects you to go to bed a 9 too, whether you want to or not.

Even if you are understanding about his need for sleep, (although one can't help wondering what would happen with the children and night wakings etc if you also had the same need), him insisting you give up your own evenings and spoil your own sleep pattern because otherwise you "disturb" him is both unreasonable and controlling.

You are doing a lot for him and are trying to be very understanding, so he needs to think of a way for you to have a more "normal" bedtime and to be able to have a bit more of an evening if you want to.

I definitely need a good 8/9 hrs a night. My dh can survive with 5/6 and I've no idea how!

I definitely need 9 hours to function well, and always have needed a lot of sleep. I 'can' function on less (and have as I have twins), but have been miserable, unwell and very stressed.

OMG I can’t get my head around you also going to bed at 9 wide awake, that’s crazy.
He’s going to sulk if and hopefully when you stop doing this but that’s his problem.

My life doesnt allow 9 hours sleep, even if i needed it! and it wouldnt suit me to have a partner that needed that much sleep to function.
We're opten not even going out until 9pm for food or to see friends, or going on a dog walk.

Does he take any multi vitamins? I wouldn’t be happy about the expectation of silence so he could sleep, but 9 hours is normal for some people. I need around the same to fully function but most night I get 6 hours if I’m lucky.

Some people need nine hours, but all the same, being wrecked and barely able to function for days if he misses and hour or two is either a case of your H using it as an excuse for opting out of participation in family life or he has a medical condition (physical or mental health) that needs to be addressed.

The inability to function part is not normal at all.

I got the message that the OP wants him to get on with participation in family life and parenting despite missing an hour or so every now and then.

I think he's taking the piss.

If his energy is so depleted by eight hours of sleep of a night that he is too exhausted or bad tempered or foggy in the brain to be a team player in the home, there is something wrong.

But that's the point right, you need your sleep and sleep deprivation broke you, and yet you still powered through and went through it because you had a young child and it just comes with it. Seems like the OP's DH isn't sharing the load and lack of sleep, and it's all on OP to deal with night wakes and shorter sleep.

Just off to read this article with interest. Thanks for posting!
I do this and beat myself up thinking I can't get to bed at a decent time and it's uninterrupted sleep.

And yes, telling another adult what time they will go to bed is beyond nuts! Just say "no"! Weirdly controlling and quite bizarre.

Get a kindle, it’s not like a phone to stare at so not going to wreck your sleep pattern and won’t be so bright as to disturb him. I need minimum 9 hours (10-7) to feel not like death so I think it’s not abnormal. I’ve always envied people who have 6/7 hours and wake up fresh as a daisy I’d love to have more hours in my day!

But lying in the dark on a kindle from 9pm every evening may not be what the OP wants to do with her time every day, nor should that be required of her. Although I agree that the Kindle is better but not much use if you’re not a big reader or the books you want to read are in hard copy.

You need to say No to being forced to go to bed, not allowed to read, or watch TV.
If HE wants to go to bed at the same time as the children, you are not stopping him. You already know he is not interested in any interaction with You. He has to accept you are a living breathing individual adult, You will decide for yourself when you go to bed.
I paint, I sometimes paint till after midnight. Sometimes I do admin or reply to emails, chat to a friend, read, do my nails.
I enjoy the calm, at least I feel there's a purpose to my day, not just expedite the day & sleep until the next. wasting basically 20 odd hours of my life a week. Thats the equivalent of a whole day lost,
H used to play this bullying game, and the onus was, I should be wife & do the same...
Basically he is selfish, he is not interested in my wellbeing or interaction.
So please just tell him factually, he needs his sleep so jog on.

nah, it’s absolutely unacceptable that he thinks he can tell her when to go to bed. She should read a paperback, watch tv, text her friends, make a call or whatever the heck she wants to do at 9pm when he goes off to bed.

Yeah, for all I'm defending the 'long-sleepers club', it's absolutely not on for him to send you to bed like a child...

I agree with previous posters, separate bedrooms are fantastic, if you can possibly do that. And very trendy these days, doncha know...