For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

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My DH’s friend is getting married end of next year, and last week an envelope addressed to my husband was posted through the door which was the invite to his friend’s wedding and his friend confirmed that it was just DH and no plus ones. They’ve been friends for almost 20 years. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5, almost 6.

we’ve known about the wedding for a while now as we were both given a save the date, and from that I assumed I was invited too. I was quite excited, but I’ve been a bit sad for the past week at not being invited. I’m fine with my husband going on his own, and I’ll probably just have a chill day at home and pamper myself. But I’m still a bit disappointed, which I think might be an overreaction.

My husband and I didn’t have a wedding, just an us and parents only registry office thing as I’ve never liked the idea of having a big wedding for myself. But had we have had a big wedding, I would have invited friend’s and their partners, especially if they’re married as I feel that’s what is “normal”.

I’m sorry if I’ve rambled, I don’t want to drip feed

"It is very poor manners not to invite both halves of a married couple."

You see I don't agree with this . I was invited to a friend's wedding , DH of 15 years was not as were other DW's DH's , but the bride said it as owing to numbers and put all of us on a table together DH wasn't fussed at all. Weddings can be very expensive.

I can see why you are disappointed and I can but please don't take it as a personal slight.

I think it’s just one of those things, it may be a bit disappointing but planning a big wedding is such a nightmare when it comes to numbers & budget.

I went to a wedding a few years ago of an old school friend who I was still close too, husband (of 12 years) had met her a few times, we had a few meal with her & partner but he wasn’t invited. Only partners that knew both the couple the well. I literally knew no one else at the wedding and sat with some work friends, but I was just privileged to be invited when I knew numbers were tight, my husband didn’t care.

To be honest, weddings of people you don’t know very well are pretty boring. It’s not just an excuse for a night out, maybe arrange a nice night away with your husband to soften the blow. It’s ok to be sad, but I wouldn’t make it a think for either the couple or your husband.

Why should they scale down their wedding to invite someone who the OP admits they’re not close to, and who seems to be more bothered they’re missing a night out with their DH than the couple themselves.

The mumsnet obsession with manners is bonkers.

I get on really well with DH’s friends so I know I would have had a great time. I am planning a spa day for myself at home, so that has softened the disappointment/sadness

My DH and his friend are part of a group, so they all see each other together. Very rarely it’s just one of them. They’re all very close.

We do live quite far from them now too, and busy with work and our families, so meet ups aren’t as common as they used to be, but DH still speaks to the group regularly.

You're saying that 'they' not 'we' see each other together

It kind of seems like you're not part of their group ?!? If this group is a mix of men and women then it's strange your not a proper part of it after all theses years

Which is telling

I said a night with DH AND his friends, which includes the couple!

I think it's very rude in the circumstances.
One of my best friends I've known for 10 years plus but we tend to socialise only with each other as her DP is a bit of a hermit (however the odd occasion we've all socialised as couples we all get on well)
I would never dream of inviting her but not her DP to my wedding.

Regardless of cost it's extremely unclassy.

Again

They should be your friends by now too and not just his after all the years

'I get on really well with DH’s friends so I know I would have had a great time. I am planning a spa day for myself at home, so that has softened the disappointment/sadness'

I’m always relieved when I don’t get invited to a wedding!

It seems like there's something going on you aren't aware of

It’s just 5 men and their OHs. I go to the meet ups with DH most of the time, I have missed some due to being busy. The OHs and I aren’t a part of the group, we’re not in their group chat.

I know weddings are expensive but it’s rude to not invite you both. I’d be telling your DH that you’re not happy about being left out and intend to distance yourself from this couple in the future. They only see your DH as a friend, not you.

This would annoy me too. That is weird to invite someone to a WEDDING but not their wife (or husband.) Don't invite a partner who they're not married to or even living with fair enough, but a wife or husband??? Weird, and rude.

If someone did do this to me and DH, he wouldn't go to said wedding. And I wouldn't go either - (if I was invited and he was left out.)

To be fair so does the OP- it’s been 8 years and she still calls them her DH’s friends, not hers.

What do you mean?

Well I suppose that they just don't really like you for some reason

He doesn’t consider my friends his either, they’re just my friends. He does like them though and comes to the group gatherings.

Are the other ladies of the group invited ?

What on earth does this mean ? The 'normal' bit

My husband and I didn’t have a wedding, just an us and parents only registry office thing as I’ve never liked the idea of having a big wedding for myself. But had we have had a big wedding, I would have invited friend’s and their partners, especially if they’re married as I feel that’s what is “normal”.

I mean I personally find that strange after 8 years but fair enough!

Although I don’t think you can then be too surprised if you’re not invited to everything, including weddings.

wow that was rather blunt and hurtful. Im sure OP doesn't need to think that. Weddings are completely expensive.

They’re not, but the relationships are still new/they don’t live together. DH and I and the couple getting married are the only ones in the group in a long term relationship

Rude.

I’m ignoring them, don’t worry! I know his friends like me as otherwise I wouldn’t have been given a save the date or invited to parties and meet ups! I know the lack of invite isn’t personal

I would say it was a cost thing, they maybe even wanted to invite you, considering you have known each other longer / more established, but didn't want the questioning* from the other men. Get yourself a lovely bottle and pamper bits.