For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

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My DH’s friend is getting married end of next year, and last week an envelope addressed to my husband was posted through the door which was the invite to his friend’s wedding and his friend confirmed that it was just DH and no plus ones. They’ve been friends for almost 20 years. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5, almost 6.

we’ve known about the wedding for a while now as we were both given a save the date, and from that I assumed I was invited too. I was quite excited, but I’ve been a bit sad for the past week at not being invited. I’m fine with my husband going on his own, and I’ll probably just have a chill day at home and pamper myself. But I’m still a bit disappointed, which I think might be an overreaction.

My husband and I didn’t have a wedding, just an us and parents only registry office thing as I’ve never liked the idea of having a big wedding for myself. But had we have had a big wedding, I would have invited friend’s and their partners, especially if they’re married as I feel that’s what is “normal”.

I’m sorry if I’ve rambled, I don’t want to drip feed

I can see why you're upset OP but being in the middle of planning my own wedding I can see it from their point of view if it's a cost/# issues. Besides the point, am I reading it right that they have already sent out invites for a wedding at the end of next year!? Thats crazy, usually a couple months out is standard especially if save the date cards have been sent.

That’s very strange there was no apology or explanation considering they sent you a STD. As a pp said I’d just match energy and let your partner sort everything out with the wedding and any other future events with then.

I’m so glad this would never happen in my social circle. I did attend one wedding where some people (including me ) did not get a plus one, but that was people who were single or not in established relationships where neither the groom or bride had met their partner.

I was excited to dress up and have a good evening, and spend time with DH and his friends. I’ll get over it, just needed a little vent and I’ve already got a good plan for what I’m going to do that day anyway

I would imagine just the group are being invited, so no other partners? That would make me feel better if that was the case. I’m part of a group, sometimes our partners may tag along but when one of the group got married, just the group, not partners, got invites.

That is not a good excuse to bring out. Covid was a while ago.

You don’t invite the husband and not the wife to a wedding. I would be upset too, op.

Are any other partners invited?

My friend (from school) couldn't afford to have partners at her wedding, and one of the husbands was another friend from school.

It is what it is.

We never rearranged it, and we had a child as covid was ending so we’ve not had the time to. We’ve been married for a long time at this point so it seems weird to have a party now

I can understand being upset if you feel like they see your friendship differently or you’re sad you won’t get to see your friends get married, but being upset because now you don’t get a night on the razz with your DH is weird.

I have no idea, I haven’t asked DH and I’m assuming he hasn’t asked. He seems to be fine with it (but I also haven’t asked what his thoughts are)

So this shows more as to if they have to keep numbers low for costs or venue, why you personally were not invited. They are very much DH’s friends.

My DH has a close group of friends. There are about 10 of them but they all love all over the country now but we visited as a couple or now a family and vice versa, as well as group stuff but it sounds like you don’t have much of a personal relationship with them. It’s not a slight in you but if the are having to keep it small it makes sense as to them only being able to invite people who are essential and close to them.

I'm surprised you haven't discussed it with him OP. In fact I'm surprised when the invitation came he didn't raise the matter with you himself. I would have thought he would have been upset on your behalf.

My DH and his friend are part of a group, so they all see each other together. Very rarely it’s just one of them. They’re all very close.
We do live quite far from them now too, and busy with work and our families, so meet ups aren’t as common as they used to be, but DH still speaks to the group regularly.

So, it doesn't sound as if you are close to the bride and groom ?
More that your dh has a long history with them and you sometimes get invited to some things as part of the group.

Don't get me wrong. I haven't voted, as I think YANBU to feel a bit disappointed / sad, but I also think the B&G ANBU in that they need to make a cut off somewhere, and you aren't that close to them as a couple.

Very poor manners to invite one spouse but not the other.
Incredibly poor.

I can understand why you are a bit hurt, OP. First of all, it's bad form to send someone a save-the-date and then not invite them to the wedding. I also think it's bad form not to invite a spouse.

I wouldn’t be surprised if he already knew, but just didn’t want to tell me. I said I was excited when we got the save the date, so he probably didn’t want to disappoint me. He’s never been one to ask if he can bring me to parties/meet ups unless it’s been obvious I’m invited too

I wouldn’t say I’m close to them, he is my DH’s friend. DH isn’t close to the bride either, I’ve spoken to her more than he has

That probably is the case, which is why I’m only sad and not annoyed. I do understand why I’ve not been invited. I’m annoyed at myself for being sad about it

It is very poor manners not to invite both halves of a married couple.
I’m not surprised you are upset OP. Your feelings are completely valid.

It’s ok to feel what you feel. And this is fresh so the feeling will pass.

Maybe they don’t want any children at the wedding so have left you out to look after the child.

This!

I think its terribly rude to ask you to save the date and then not invite you. Also think no plus one is rude, but that will likely be the minority opinion on here!
I was actually invited to a wedding on my own and replied with, thank you so much for the invitation and would have loved to come, but with everything involved in attending a wedding (flights, hotels etc,) it would have to be both of us or neither of us. They actually then gave me a plus one!
I think people forget the enormous expense for guests to attend weddings and should be a little more considerate of guests tbh.
What does your husband think?
I'd be offended too if I was you. But, you can do no more than accept it and do something nice for yourself that day instead.

I'm 65 and have never heard of a wedding where a guest's spouse wasn't invited. It's the very height of rudeness. It wouldn't occur to me to invite one half of a couple. If you can't afford to invite partners then maybe scale down other aspects of the wedding. YANBU OP.