For being sad that I didn’t get invited to DH friend’s wedding

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My DH’s friend is getting married end of next year, and last week an envelope addressed to my husband was posted through the door which was the invite to his friend’s wedding and his friend confirmed that it was just DH and no plus ones. They’ve been friends for almost 20 years. I’ve been with my husband for 8 years, married for 5, almost 6.

we’ve known about the wedding for a while now as we were both given a save the date, and from that I assumed I was invited too. I was quite excited, but I’ve been a bit sad for the past week at not being invited. I’m fine with my husband going on his own, and I’ll probably just have a chill day at home and pamper myself. But I’m still a bit disappointed, which I think might be an overreaction.

My husband and I didn’t have a wedding, just an us and parents only registry office thing as I’ve never liked the idea of having a big wedding for myself. But had we have had a big wedding, I would have invited friend’s and their partners, especially if they’re married as I feel that’s what is “normal”.

I’m sorry if I’ve rambled, I don’t want to drip feed

And they'd probably get told they are being unreasonable because the wife might have known the groom much longer and be considered a 'friend' in her own right, not just a "plus one."

I agree that some posters would say this and others would say YANBU, it should be “fair” and have the same rule for all.

Just as on this thread, some people agree with you that “knowing the couple longer” gives OP additional clout and others think
the blanket rule of no partners is reasonable.

My point was: whatever the B and G do, someone will think they are wrong. So they may as well proceed as they see fit!

Re the save the date - I agree, it is a bit thoughtless that it was passed to Op at a meet up rather than to DH, and that the bride and groom (perhaps) didn’t do their guest maths correctly before they were handed out. It amazed me how many cousins DH had when we came to the list, many of whom we haven’t seen since the wedding, but at least we did the spreadsheet before we posted anything out 😀

But OP herself described herself as getting on with her husband’s friends, but not being close to them. That would seem to be the definition of not being a friend in her own right.

Agree.

Every wedding I've been to has been so different - from full-on traditional country house with extended family to hippy-ish beach ceremony to what was essentially a rave in a club. Guestlists all varied massively. No one ever seemed affronted and I'm now wondering how much inner seething was done over all these supposed "rules" that aren't actually rules at all.

They’re her husband’s close group of friends, she says they have regular meet-ups, she gets on well with them and she’s spoken to the bride more than her DH.

With married couples - you invite both regardless of whether you’re as close friends with one as with the other. You don’t not invite the spouse of a close friend unless you’re intending to offend them.

They’re her husband’s close group of friends, she says they have regular meet-ups, she gets on well with them and she’s spoken to the bride more than her DH.

She still specifically said she wasn’t close to them.

Regardless of your feelings on whether both halves of a couple should be invited, there’s nothing to suggest the OP is any more than a friend’s wife to the groom.

Close to doesn’t have any objective definition. OP socialises with them regularly.

I’m not sure how common it is to be equally close to a husband and wife - quite unusual I’d think unless 2 good friends got together.

So it’s not relevant anyway.

Close to doesn’t have any objective definition.

I never said it did, but for the love of God - the OP herself said she isn’t close to them!! We don’t need an objective definition - the person actually involved has defined how close she is to the groom!!

I would be upset too, and I think it's rude

She hasn’t defined what she means by close to is the point. Some people might regard regular socialising as close to.

It’s irrelevant anyway, you don’t invite married couples on the basis of closeness to both partners, you do on the basis they’re married.

She’s socialised with them enough for it to be very odd not to be invited.

It’s irrelevant anyway, you don’t invite married couples on the basis of closeness to both partners, you do on the basis they’re married.

But that’s your opinion, and actually what you’re saying is irrelevant, because the couple getting married aren’t excluding the OP - they’re excluding partners.

She’s socialised with them enough for it to be very odd not to be invited.

Only if the context was everyone else getting a plus one.

This is boring now, it’s the majority opinion it’s not just mine.

You find someone on the street who thinks it’s normal to invite one half of a married couple.

Do you think people on MN only exist online? We ARE people in the street.

Where is your proof that this is the majority view?

You’re just arguing for the sake of it now.

Whereas you’re doing what?

Sorry that you’re feeling like this, OP. I know I would be sad if my partner’s friends didn’t invite me to their weddings, as we’ve all socialised together and I’ve been with my partner for years. It’s 100% valid to feel upset about this, so don’t doubt yourself for feeling like that. The one thing I would say, however, is if I were in that situation I would definitely speak to my partner, even if it were just for moral support. I’m sure he’d rather know how you’re feeling and have an opportunity to support and comfort you. I hope you have a lovely day whilst your OH is away - have a takeaway and chill! 🫶🏻