To just give them what they want

[Tetherrrrrr]

I'm at the end of my tether with my children, aged 8 and 5.

Every evening ends up with them shouting and crying and complaining and slamming doors.

The reason for this is that I ask them to unpack their schoolbags, do their reading, and eat a healthy meal. While I'm cooking they have half an hour to watch the television.

And it's nothing but complaints. The older one is vegetarian so I make her a different version of the meal. I give them 'safe' foods, I try to stay neutral, I choose the food they choose the quantity etc.

But they gripe and complain and cry if i ask the slightest thing of them, and even shout sometimes, and the little one slams doors and calls me names.

I'm done. I just want to put them straight in front of the telly with a family pack of crisps and a bar of chocolate every evening and avoid the battles.

I’d tell them any whinging will result in tv time removal and they can sit and look at a book. Follow through a few times and the grumbling should die down quickly.

It could be that they're tired and hungry when they get in. Could you let them watch TV first with a snack and then after that they unpack their bags and do reading.

Is their other parent in the picture? What are they doing while you're wrangling and cooking?

What's the consequences for screaming and slamming doors?

Either

Healthy snack when they get in and meal later

Or

Slow cooker and meal as soon as they get in.

My kids are hungry so when I collect them I bring them a savoury snack like crackers or bread sticks. Then they watch TV while I cook them they do homework after eating. If I attempt to get them to do homework before tea it's horrible for everyone.

Can you make slight adjustments that work for you all, rather than an all or nothing approach?

No TV til they pull their act together.

They're not overly hungry... they have their snack an hour before they get home.

Partner is at work, normally arrives in time for dinner.

I haven't taken away privileges yet, but I suppose that's because it always kicks off at dinner time and at that point there are no privileges left in the day. I could do it for the next day though.

We do it in that order because I think a family meal is important.

Do they have to unpack their bag and do reading before tv time and dinner?

Yes, read straight away

I have similar age but keep things as chill as possible when they get home as they've had to follow rules, be good, quiet wait for everything all day.

Appreciate everyone's different but think it's reasonable to just let them have freetime and relax and indulge in whatever they want, screens and games with a mixture of crisps and fruit. It's what I'd want to do when I get home from being out.

If I have any nonsense then it's a ban on the games/TV etc they like doing.

Then they have their meal, bath etc. The only thing I'm strict on is they wash their hands and take their shoes off when they get in, and they have their bath/shower when I ask them to.

Think you need to relax on the TV and snack situation. Just let them indulge. No one's going to do homework and reading if they're tired, hungry and stressed out.

Therein lies your issue I think. Can’t they read after a bit of downtime and dinner? They’ve been at school all day!

I wouldn’t get them to read as soon as they get home. They’re only young and imo at that age they need more downtime than you think.

What time are they getting home?

The reading has thus far been the least problematic part of the evening...that's okay but they don't like unpacking their bags and they hate dinner because everything's disgusting and how could I possibly put a vegetable on their plate or any food that they don't love ie McDonalds or pizza.

Trying to be cautious with snacks as older child has had weight issues before and isn't far from it again now - she would easily eat a larger than adult size portion if I didn't stop her.

We come straight home from school.

always kicks off at dinner time and at that point there are no privileges left in the day.

^

This is nonsensical. You decide the privileges

I definitely would save reading for bedtime. They’ve just got home from a day of it ( I work with these age groups) so need down time.

At what point did it become the case that your kids get to say no to your instructions?

And why is your 8 year old not eating what everyone else eats.

Sorry OP, you seem to created this drama for yourself. Kids will follow instructions or not. It’s down to the parent. And in your case, the tail is wagging the dog.

What bags need unpacking ? It’s a day at school not a holiday!

Snacks don't have to be crisps or unhealthy. A small bowl of hummus or meat n cheese. Something to boost their brains after a whole day of school.

Edit from here cos I had the age wrong! 8 is still a bit young but they do go through growth spurts etc.

At 10 my DD was starving after school because school meals are the same portion size regardless of age. It's also coming up to the age where she will be starting to go through puberty, that's a lot of energy for a body.

I remember being five and my mum telling the teacher that I would have a meltdown every day after school when she met me. The wise teacher told her to take me home via the playing fields so I could run wild and let off steam after the oppression (my view) of school! It worked.

Most children need to let it all out after being in the square conforming box of school so give them some space and freedom before then bringing in home jobs and tasks. Yes it’s important for them to have these routines but try to line them up for success. Reward calm cooperative behaviour and have consequences that you and DH both agree on and consistently apply.

Shouting and door slamming not acceptable of course. It’s so draining OP but worth persevering and finding positive ways through or you will go i to teenage years without boundaries.

At my school lunch is at 12 and no snacks in the afternoon as they finish at 3.15. Most chn have a snack after school. I would give a banana or some crackers with cheese or peanut butter. Let them chill while you cook . Then eat, and have a bath before bedtime and reading a few pages in bed before lights out.

Yet you say they eat a hour before coming home after school???

Hang on.

Privileges?

Kids calling you names and slamming doors.

What the hell is a privilege? And why is it even a thing when it comes to the parent saying do X and the child doing it. And your kid calling you names is a sign of weak no parenting.

You sound like their employee, not their parent.