To just give them what they want

[Tetherrrrrr]

I'm at the end of my tether with my children, aged 8 and 5.

Every evening ends up with them shouting and crying and complaining and slamming doors.

The reason for this is that I ask them to unpack their schoolbags, do their reading, and eat a healthy meal. While I'm cooking they have half an hour to watch the television.

And it's nothing but complaints. The older one is vegetarian so I make her a different version of the meal. I give them 'safe' foods, I try to stay neutral, I choose the food they choose the quantity etc.

But they gripe and complain and cry if i ask the slightest thing of them, and even shout sometimes, and the little one slams doors and calls me names.

I'm done. I just want to put them straight in front of the telly with a family pack of crisps and a bar of chocolate every evening and avoid the battles.

Well, exactly. They unzip the bag and take out their water bottles and their lunch boxes and put them by the sink. It's a 30-second job if that.

And they do get a decent snack every afternoon. I'm concerned about giving them a second snack an hour later, half an hour before dinner, in case that exacerbates the issue with eating dinner.

Feed them as soon as they are home.

Do a small activity with them

Tv time while you cook

Family dinner. Then read/bath/bed

They need nourishment and your attention when they come home

TBH I wouldn’t make a thing of unpacking bags at that age. Let them get in and get out of their uniforms, relax and have a small snack.

I'd shove a slice of toast down them before trying anything. Kids get hungry and school club snacks are so tiny.

Homework is so counterproductive to harmonious family life and inculcating a love of learning in a child. I would ban it if I could.

I make the snack for them.

Reading isn't homework.

This. Don't make a rod for your own back OP.

What are the actual timings happening here with snacks and getting home, dinner etc? What is the actual snack at school?

We can recommend this that or the next thing but if your definition of a substantial snack is 2 crackers and a bit of cheese then that's not the same as like a banana and 2 slices of toast.

If reading isn't homework then why do they have to do it every evening? Reading should be fun.

She’s EIGHT!! You’re restricting her food at eight. Ffs she’ll be doing a growth spurt soon she needs some weight on her!

4pm - fruit and biscuits
4.45pm - home, bags, reading for 10 minutes (with me)
5pm - watch tv
5.30pm - dinner then a board game/quiet playing
6.30pm - start bedtime routine

Could you try letting them know in advance what dinner is each night. Up on the fridge maybe? They could even help meal plan. Might help reduce the nightly moaning if they know what's coming.

I think they need down time after school.
Reading is a fun, calm and snuggly pre bedtime activity here. Unpacking and getting ready for the next day we also do after showers, just before reading.

What snack are they having an hour before they get home?
I make my pair a plate full of snacks when they get home, 3-4 snacks (youngest is 7). They still eat all their dinner, they are not overweight. You said your daughter would eat an adult sized portion if she could… she sounds hungry. School meals are small, our school snack is a piece of fruit… They are so hungry when they get in. I get hangry, I know how it feels.

Could you read aloud to them for a bit when they come home from school? Bags unpacked first, anyone who doesn't do this in time doesn't get to join the reading time (and therefore doesn't get your attention either).
Then they watch TV while you cook.
Totally disengage from the dinner battles. Just make a healthy meal, put it out, let them eat it or not but don't offer an alternative. A mild "it's OK if you don't want to have dinner tonight, but that's all there is".
Then get them into bed early and let them choose between reading in bed or going straight to sleep.
Rudeness, name calling, slamming doors = no TV that evening (or the next evening if it's already happened).

Are you waiting til Dad is home to eat - im guessing 6ish?
If so, thats too late for kids this age really. Most 5yr olds need to eat round 5, 5.15. Wait too much after that and they are tired, more picky, and irritable.

I agree and disagree with your routine; shoes off, bags unpacked and put away and hands washed as soon as you get home is reasonable, but reading straight away isn’t. Reading should be cosy and relaxing so maybe tie it into bedtime? When mine were little we’d read stories but also have them read to us before bed. It wasn’t a chore and everyone got on with it happily.

Not sure why your 8 year old is a vegetarian… I find giving young kids this level of autonomy bizarre and it’s clearly creating issues if they are complaining about eating vegetables yet limiting their protein sources to plant-based. I’d be knocking that one on the head.

At that age we didn’t sit down as a family most nights because my husband simply finished work too late and the kids would be so hungry they’d fill up on snacks then not eat dinner. Now they’re 11 and 8, they’ll happily wait until 7pm or later to eat, but I do have to be strict with snacks still: something substantial after school like toast, fruit & cheese or maybe a biscuit / crisps added in. When they were little, I fed them separately about 4-4:30pm and we ate later.

The children get an hour of 'quiet play', but when are they allowed to play as they like?

I totally agree family meal is important but I'd would trial the below if it's causing this much grief.

Walk home from school with crudettes keeps them munching and unlikely to put weight on. Plus vitamins.

Get home: yes, give me the water bottles/lunchbox please and you guys will earn your TV rights.

X amount of time watching TV. (Alternative option is hummus and crudettes whilst watch TV)

Light supper. They will have had their veggie content so don't sweat it. Someone beige will do.

Reading after supper/before teeth.

Right so they are home late. They are tired. Strange for school to give them biscuits and fruit at 4. What time does school end? Ours is 3.15.

They need to do more exercise - is there a park you could take them to run around/scooter/cycle. Even a few times running along the pavement outside of your house. My children also loved gardening/playing with soil. This would definitely calm them down.

You know your children best but I've tried different ways with dealing with after school.

Home, bags in the hall. Snack, chat about their day, lots of cuddles and kisses. Play with toys for half an hour.

Let him settle watching tv for half an hour whilst I prepare/ cook dinner. We usually aim for dinner around 5:30 otherwise he's not too hungry.

Afterwards, we have another half an hour of play then do our homework/ reading.

Upstairs at 7-7:30 for a bath, story and bed.

I might be doing it all wrong/ late but we have tried all routes.

Hope you manage to get a little routine going, I think they tend to respond better to less instructions after school as they have had a day of structured learning so just need to chill out a bit.

Reading a book as punishment? How times have changed

I don't understand parents who pamper to meal requests. My mum made one meal, stuck it on the table, and you either ate it or you didn't. She would have laughed if I'd requested her to make something different, just for me. It was the same with my other 2 siblings. We all still eat pretty much anything now, and are not picky at all.

She may well be, but what should I do about it? Just let her gorge endlessly on junk and turn her nose up at the limitless, albeit healthy, food i provide?

She has a pack up at school and her food day goes something like this:
Breakfast, 8am - toast or weetabix
Morning snack, 10am - banana (eats it about half the time)
Lunch, 12pm - pasta or sandwiches or gnocchi or similar, same size portion as i eat, always with a protein, and a side (crisps or carrot sticks or similar, often uneaten), yoghurt (often uneaten)
Afternoon snack, 4pm - fruit, biscuits, often nuts (always eaten, except fruit)
Evening meal, 5.30pm - tonight was veggie hot dogs with cauliflower cheese and peas, and a pudding.

But she will often refuse anything healthy then plead for doughnuts, chocolate, sweets, fast food... but I suppose this was the point of this post... should I give up with the healthy food and good habits and just let them gorge themselves on ultra-processed food while watching telly? Maybe I should then.

*pander...