To make up an excuse to not go? Also... can you help with the excuse please?

[Rebeccaa1996]

I have agreed to go to an event Sunday with a group of old friends. It's a meal and drinks to celebrate a big birthday. I've now seen the menus online and it's going to be bit pricey and I think a shared bill with everyone ordering carefree whatever they like. I'm a bit tighter for cash than the rest of the group would know and I know the venue isn't negotiable and don't want to have to single myself out by asking to pay individually for items. Über will be at least £30 and the dinner split will be I think £40-50.

Would it be really terrible and mean to not go? I like the group but the idea of £80 spent on a night out feels like a lot of money which honestly I could do with for Christmas.

And if I do, what's the best way to excuse myself without looking like I don't care about the birthday friend?

@Needmorelego

we all have to put ourselves out sometimes to maintain our friendships, that’s life 🤷‍♀️

@LuckySantangelo35 no one should spend money they can't spare to maintain friendship.
That's not friendship.

@Needmorelego

yeah but there are ways that OP can still make it and have less outlay, she can spend less than the others.

If you can’t afford it then don’t go. If you really like the friend you could invite her out at a later date for coffee and cake, or get her a card and a small gift. There is a good chance that costs will spiral if this is an expensive place. You might end up being expected to also participate in alcoholic rounds and quite often the birthday person doesn’t pay for anything (the friends buy it all as a birthday treat). Has anyone paid a deposit already per head or can the group just turn up and pay? If they need to pay a deposit per head then you can’t really drop out last minute (it will need to be earlier). If no one has paid a deposit etc then you could just feign illness on the day and make your apologies.

@Rebeccaa1996 did you go?

I did go!
Food was good, drive to avoid travel expenses and the booze.
Had a good time.
Thanks!

I think a bit of it is maybe lack of motivation. I book things then when it gets close I don't want to go. Start to worry about the journey or the cost. Maybe there's more to it.

Nice to hear you had a good time.

I’m a little like that too.. I look forward to plans made but then as the date draws near, I suddenly feel that I don’t want to go and think of a million reasons why I can’t.. but I never regret it when I do force myself to go!

Glad you enjoyed it! I am the same with things planned way ahead, I always get a bit anxious or tired nearer the time at the thought of going, but usually things go well. It's often the things I DO really look forward to that end up being disappointing 😕

Nice update.

I am the same OP. I get really bad anxiety about something I know will be fun.

I am ND though. Dyspraxia and possibly ADHD.

Glad to hear you went and enjoyed it. I guess remember this next time you're tempted to cancel. I bet your friends appreciated you being there.

Thanks for the update OP

I find it rare that you regret going to something but hard to motivate yourself sometimes! I'm that your friend really appreciated you making the effort

*sure