To make up an excuse to not go? Also... can you help with the excuse please?

[Rebeccaa1996]

I have agreed to go to an event Sunday with a group of old friends. It's a meal and drinks to celebrate a big birthday. I've now seen the menus online and it's going to be bit pricey and I think a shared bill with everyone ordering carefree whatever they like. I'm a bit tighter for cash than the rest of the group would know and I know the venue isn't negotiable and don't want to have to single myself out by asking to pay individually for items. Über will be at least £30 and the dinner split will be I think £40-50.

Would it be really terrible and mean to not go? I like the group but the idea of £80 spent on a night out feels like a lot of money which honestly I could do with for Christmas.

And if I do, what's the best way to excuse myself without looking like I don't care about the birthday friend?

No, 'everyone' can't put aside £20 a month, especially in the run up to Christmas, and it's tone deaf to suggest otherwise.

And plenty of people will be happy with a meal down the local pub for a 'big' birthday, if that's what fits their budget. Sounds like the OPs friends are well aware she's less well off than them, and didn't consider her finances when booking this - which makes them sound like crappy, thoughtless friends.

@CandidFinch yes that's a valid point 🙂
However the OP can't afford £80 so if her friend cared that much she would choose a cheaper place to go to.
Unless this is a BBF since they were in nursery type friendship I doubt the birthday girl isn't that bothered if the OP is there or not.

And after being honest her friend will inevitably respond "oh don't worry, we'll all chip in for your share!"

Her friend will more than likely then forget, or be too drunk on the night to remember, and then the OP will be stuck in the shitty situation of being forced to awkwardly beg them for money, or pay a bill she can't afford.

She should 100% tell a white lie to get out of it.

In which case they should say no in the beginning. It's not tone deaf at all, I don't know many people who can't save twenty quid a month, I'm sure they waste a lot of money on crap they don't need fags, nails ect too many people say they are skint when they aren't. I would think nothing of a friend saying in the beginning they can't come but lying because they didn't plan when they had loads of notice would piss me off. Your a shit friend if you pretend your kids ill to get out of plans.

@namechangetheworld the OP said she is more strapped for cash than what the friends would be aware of so I don't think they are well aware and she also said they'd try to make it cheaper if she told them so I think it's a bit unfair to make out like they're well aware and don't give a shit

I would email the birthday friend and be honest. I would apologise a lot and suggest a birthday drink for the two of you. She will be disappointed but a genuine and sincere apology goes a long way.

Yeah, every single one of the thousands of people out there who are literally on the bones of their arse are wasting their money on 'nails and fags'. Jesus wept.

She did try to decline the invitation, several times, as per the OP.

Quite frankly, if anyone over the age of about 12 was so invested in their birthday party that they would fall out with a friend who couldn't afford to attend, they're probably not worth spending much time on anyway.

No ones on the bones of their arse what a load of shite. People in the UK don't know what being on the bones of their arse means.

I find it rather depressing that so many of you feel the need to lie instead of being able to say that an evening out is out of your budget.

You need better friends.

Oh enough!! So we're on the 4 Yorkshire men sketch now?!! 'Bones of my arse?!! I'd have loved to have arse bones!! Me dad sold 'em to rag man when ah were 2, didn't need 'em oop chimnee'!!

@Cynic17

ffs, of course she should apologise!

This thread is now why I am decline things even when I feel like a dick doing so. I got invited to camping for a night a while ago for a "fun wine girl's night". Fuck no. I don't even drink. I said no thanks and explained why - I won't sleep and won't enjoy it.

Yes, I felt a bit weird and even mean saying it, but because I had been honest there was nothing anyone could say. Now I don't have to make up an excuse or live in dread of it coming up.

@Hoppinggreen

if you wanna lose all your mates maybe

@Needmorelego

nooone wants Pizza Hut buffet as their 40th birthday meal with their friends!!!

@LuckySantangelo35 I love Pizza Hut. My next big birthday is the big 5 0 next year. I would be very very happy if I went to Pizza Hut.
(not sarcastic - genuine)

@Needmorelego

ok but you have to concede it would be most people’s idea of a good venue for a 40th or 50th birthday meal out with friends!

@LuckySantangelo35 well yes obviously I understand that people like different types of restaurants. But you were the one who claimed "no one wants Pizza Hut".....well I'm one who would 😂😂😂🍕🍕🍕
(actually going for a meal out on my birthday doesn't exactly excite me - I'd rather do something else)

This is why you don't make excuses or some bullshit lie.

If you don't want to go, you just say "sorry, I can't go", and you don't.

Exactly. But since you didn't decline firmly at the time you should be honest if you pull out now.

If you lie people will know you're lying.

The number of people suggesting lying and feigning illness doesn't surprise me. There seem to be a lot of people whose default is to lie rather than communicate honestly.

The difference in this case is that OP said no and was then railroaded out of it.
I'd be upfront OP. Say it's too much money and you don't want others to fund you. You risk losing the group but maybe they're not such good friends if they're that insensitive to your situation.

Yes, they happen. But they haven't happened to the OP and so it's a lie.

I think you're looking a bit peaky, OP.

You can tell who gets their news from the Daily Mail :-).