His GF asked him not to visit our kids anymore

[Twinkiebinkieseven]

Hi all,

Just pondering. So the ex is in a relationship. His GF threatened to end things if he didn't stop seeing the kids at mines which he's been doing for the last few years about every 4-6 weeks. We only had this arrangement because he moved 3 hours away.

So now, the kids will see their dad a handful of times a year now.

I feel pretty angry about it TBF and can't believe he would choose her over his kids. I'm struggling to stay amicable. AIBU to think he's a terrible dad or am I unreasonable?
Fyi - I really don't care that he's in a relationship as he was a horrible partner but anything that hurts my kids, hurts me.

His a useless sperm donor. I hope he pays?

Also keep the text or email or whatever where he openly says he can’t come because his girlfriend says so. As proof for when he tries to spin it at some point.

If he only sees them every 4-6 weeks, so once a month or less, surely he could just pick them up and take them out for the day?

The GF might be requesting this, but he doesn't have to agree. Or he could find some middle ground. But it's all up to him.

He's a terrible dad. He doesn't deserve any kind of relationship with his children. I hope you get every penny you're entitled to for them.

What a shit excuse of a man. I’m sorry OP.

This is nothing to do with his GF, it’s entirely his choice. If he was a decent father he would just stay over somewhere locally and see his kids all weekend. Or tell her no. Or not have moved 3 hours away.

Hes a piece of shit and your kids deserve better.

He was already a man who was willing to move 3 hours away from his children.

he was already a man who was willing to only see his children every 4-6 weeks.

if this decision really comes from his girlfriend, they are a perfect match.

sorry your children have to put up with this feckless excuse for a father.

Dear goodness, he's a disgrace. Is he actually agreeing to this. It's possible he's making it up because he can't be bothered.

Please tell us he is paying via CMS. You have nothing to lose by going via them for all the financial support you can get.

One day he will regret it. I don't know if that helps. But one day he really will. And it will be too late.

Why did he move 3 hours away?

It doesn't matter why he moved away. He could easily take them out for the day somewhere local to you and then return them home. Are they not old enough to stay a long weekend with him at the half and end of terms?

I don't think his girlfriend has anything to do with this really.

@Wellingtonspiegood shout

That’s awful ☹️
although it sounds like she’s not objecting to him seeing the kids as much as him coming and spending time at your house

I asked because if he had choice like it was because it was the only job job he could get, sick parents, another child with someone else previously, couldn't afford the same area, restraining order, had a mental breakdown and his family and friends are where he moved back too. So it does matter why. If it's simply because he moved for another new woman then this is all on him and he should be making the trip to keep a relationship with his kids. Or even if OP was willing if every 6 weeks or so she took the kids to him on a Friday and he brought them back in a Sunday night

This is possibly just an excuse on his part. He moves 3 hours away, hardly sees his kids then his gf has threatened to break up with him if he sees them.
He chooses a shag over his kids. It might be the get out he wants.
He seems a waste of time tbh, How old are the kids?

I think the girlfriend’s request is likely to be fictional, because this prince of men can’t bring himself to say ‘I can’t be bothered to see my own children every month and a half.’

Luckily he pays albeit not as much as CSA would like because I agreed to a lesser amount to accommodate the travel costs.
I don't blame the girlfriend at all. He cheated on her and tried to get back with me whilst with her a few times so she's probably insecure due to his scummy behaviour.
As much as he's proven himself a lying self obsessed snake, I thought he loved his kids enough to keep up the contact.

Also agree this may well be a lie. He's a habitual liar so I wouldn't put it past him.

Why can’t he just stay in a hotel?
Or have them for the school holidays?

Why did he move 3 hours away?
Surely he knew that this arrangement was only temporary, so what was his long term plan?

I understand the gf being unhappy about him staying at his ex’s home but I don’t understand how thst means him seeing his kids less.
It’s not like they’re in a different country.

Well now he won’t travel time to do the csa amount.

Kids are 6 and 12. They do love their dad which is why this hurts so much 😢

Just awful !! My husband stays at his exs house twice a year as she and their son live in a different country !

Previous girlfriend to me had huge issues with this so he ended things with her !!

early days I did find it a bit stressful when he went to stay there as it was all unknown to me - but I could understand that it cost a lot to fly there and he couldn’t also afford hotels every visit - he is able to spend longer periods of time with his son if he starts at their house

your Ex is actually choosing this woman over your kids it’s awful 😣

@Wonderi he wanted to go back to his home town

That doesn’t explain why he can’t stay in a hotel or take them for the holidays.

Will you be asking for more money (ideally through official channels) now that he’s no longer travelling?

This is a dishonest thread: it’s not about not seeing the children; it’s about not seeing them AT YOUR HOUSE.

@Wonderi the frustrating thing is, I never wanted him at my house. It was very triggering and I had to get over it quickly for the sake of my kids. I suggested having them in the holidays. He does sometimes but is reluctant to use all his leave on kids holidays (like I do!)