His GF asked him not to visit our kids anymore

[Twinkiebinkieseven]

Hi all,

Just pondering. So the ex is in a relationship. His GF threatened to end things if he didn't stop seeing the kids at mines which he's been doing for the last few years about every 4-6 weeks. We only had this arrangement because he moved 3 hours away.

So now, the kids will see their dad a handful of times a year now.

I feel pretty angry about it TBF and can't believe he would choose her over his kids. I'm struggling to stay amicable. AIBU to think he's a terrible dad or am I unreasonable?
Fyi - I really don't care that he's in a relationship as he was a horrible partner but anything that hurts my kids, hurts me.

So has he said that he's not going to see the kids as scheduled? Or just that he's not going to be seeing them at your house? If it's the latter then what's the issue? As long as he still sees them when he's supposed tom surely there is no reason that it has to be at your house?

Bit of a drip feed! No wonder she doesn’t want him coming to yours!

How do you know he cheated on her, when they live three hours away? Was it with you? And did you tell her?

@HeddaGarbled No. He initiated this arrangement which I was never happy with. It's been nearly three years that the boys have gotten used to him coming. Having someone walk through your door who financially, emotionally and verbally abused you and then cheated while you were pregnant is not fun.

He doesn't want to use up leave - I suggested just taking a couple days off each holiday but he has told me he doesn't want to use up all his leave so only takes time off every other holiday to have them with him.

The option to come and take them out for the day comes down to 'him having no money to take them out for the day.

This arrangement was purely for his benefit and now he's pulled it away.

A decent father would not have moved 3 hours away from his kids, nor would he put the wishes of new partner above his kids.

I would bet he is just using his girlfriend as a convenient excuse (ie he is lying through his teeth and she has never said anything about visiting his kids) to distance himself.

Even if it was true, he could easily stay in a hotel.

There’s a lot of questions you’re not answering, OP. This whole thing is a bit peculiar, tbh.

I cannot fathom how he can do this to his children. What a fucking deadbeat waste of breath.

I know because he told me and also told me she found out @TwigletsAndRadishes. They've broken up and got back together a few times.
As I say, I have no issue with the GF. He's not a nice person.

Even if he cheated with op. Thats between him and his gf. Bugger all to do with him seeing his children Which he should do and keep
his dick in his pants.

I can see the gf’s

AIBU. I’ve been dating my dp for a few months who has kids from a previous relationship. They live three hours away. However, he’s only allowed to see them at his ex’s house, or he always visits her when visiting the kids. Either she’s portraying op as controlling and manipulative, or new gf doesn’t trust op’s ex.

@ThatTealViewer ok?!

Do you not get on with the girlfriend can’t she come along aswell and take the kids out or have them
where ever they are.

i was in a relationship and have a child who already has children and i would never of told him he can’t see his children but i would of liked it to be out of the exs house. I knew though that the ex couldn’t stand my partner for various reasons which are similar to yours but I still didn’t want that level of comfort ability for him.

I don’t see the real need for them
to stay in your property anyway if I was you I’d of got him ro take tbem
oht and stay away from me years ago instead of let him into my safe space.

My Dad did this, she was the OW as well - he has little relationship with any of us now despite his best efforts.

You haven’t told us;

• Why he couldn’t see them somewhere other than your home - stayed in a hotel, for example.
• Why he can’t take them for holidays.
• Why his girlfriend couldn’t just come with him to see the kids. He can hardly cheat on her if she’s there.
• Whether you intend to continue letting him pay less than he should be.

Like I said, it’s all a bit odd.

Well I understand her reasonings after your update, but i’d certainly be telling him what a selfish arse he is. And he can up his CSA given that he won’t be travelling as often.

He wouldn’t be seeing my kids at all. They deserve more.

Do you have any questions for her?She has come here for a hand hold and trash talk her nasty ex. Nothing peculiar about that. I think what you posted is peculiar it adds nothing to the ops life or help with how she is feeling.

So when IS he going to see them @Twinkiebinkieseven You said now they are only going to see him now a handful of times a year? What is the new plan?

These are your questions and you think she is peculiar 😳

@Fireworknight @purple. He doesn't want us to meet as he's worried where her questions might go. Thats what he tells. But meanwhile I have no doubt he's making me out to be the monster. Id love a third party drop off. You have no idea how much I'd love the extra free time to myself.

OP this is so sad for your children and it must be heartbreaking to see them hurt.
Your ex is awful for putting a woman who he's not even in a solid relationship over them, or if it's a lie then he's a shit for just not doing the best by his kids.
Ultimately though, the best thing you can do is let him make his own choices, and tell the children why. Make it crystal clear why, even though it hurts. Children will clock and they will know what's going on anyway. It's clear he isn't putting them first, and you facilitating an arrangement that makes it look like he does only sets unrealistic expectations for them, and sets them up for future disappointment. Sounds like he's edging further away and seeing how little contact he can get away with.
They will see him for who he is, and their relationship with him will reflect the effort he puts in. They won't care as much when inevitably further down the line he does something else or stops seeing them altogether.
Sorry he is such a twat.

Just go to CMS re maintenance if hes not travelling you don't need to adjust...

Equally I wouldn't let him in your house either.....

He's a shit dad and an ex stop inflicting him on yourself....

get im to tell them dont youd o it

an go to cms to get the right amount

Make an application to the CMS and make him pay. You're trying to keep this man in your children's lives but he doesn't care. Make him pay for them.

@Silvers11 THAT is a very good question. I've asked when he wants to have them over the Christmas holiday. He can have them anytime he wants (I've got enough friends family to keep me busy so I'm not precious). Again, h said he's not sure about using his annual leave and will get back to me!