I have been seeing someone for a month he keeps telling me that he loves me & I don’t know how to tell him to take it a bit slower?

[SharpSnake]

• I have been dating someone for around a month now. We have met on two occasions. The first first was just a brief date over a drink or two.

• We ended up meeting each other over the weekend, he invited me over to his place. I came on the Friday left on the Sunday.

• We literally spent the time talking and getting to know each other more, the conversation was flowing non stop no awkward breaks or anything like that inbetween.

• I think we have both had around 4 hours sleep over the past 2 days . We spent the time together just talking and have sex, when we was just lead in bed cuddling he telling me he loves me he mentioned this several times but I just let it blow over. He was also saying I’m full of him and he wants me to have his baby’s.

• Every time he finished he told me that he is going to get me pregnant. I am no where ready for a child but he has said that multiple times to me now that he wants a baby and our own family together. What can I say to him please? I do really like him but I don’t want to rush into things, I have briefly mentioned this to him but I don’t think he acknowledges this.

( I am on contraception)

Omg Op there is much better than him out there. End this now. He is a total cracker jack!! Your mum and friends should be telling you this.
Actually this is so bad I'm wondering if it's a wind up.

I have the Super Ick on your behalf.

Dump & run.

Block him on everything.

🤢🚩

I genuinely hope this is a wind up!

Well he sounds like a fucking freak and you sound like a moron.

Best of luck.

@SharpSnake Jesus Fucking Christ. Having just read your update, I am horrified at this. He doesn't even know you and he's already abusing you. Are you not concerned that he drank that much vodka in one sitting? I mean I love a drink but that is alcoholic levels. He sounds utterly dangerous. It's not "confusing", it's terrifying. You are absolutely batshit if you pursue this. This man is bad news. Please cut this off now 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

OP: If you are prepared to accept this situation, and you still think he is "nice", you really are too vulnerable to be in any kind of romantic relationship right now. There are major red flags all over this, and you've only had two dates.
Please please please take a step back and work on your self-respect, because it's clearly on the floor.

All the advice is pointless

if it’s not this revolting man
it will be another one that draws this vulnerable Op in
and likely there will soon be babies born,
and then more with a different revolting man

So, when’s the wedding? He sounds perfect for you OP. Nab him before some other lucky lady does!!

This isn't just red flag behaviour - it's a whole linen mill of red. This man is not a good choice for a partner. He's drinking heavily, being deceptive, and also love bombing. You don't know him.
Cut him out of your life, and for god's sake, get the MAP (and probably a sexual health check too.)

• I am 22 he is 26 (27 in January) his brother is also the same age as me
• After I left him he went and got more alcohol and just carried on drinking.
• I just wanted to help him get on his feet but after posting on here and reading what everyone has put and what I have posted I can now see the red flags

& I have booked an std screening on myGP app, I don’t know what I was actually think I was just very very drunk not exactly an excuse, it was irresponsible. I don’t sleep around like this either so I don’t know why I chose to do this

And before you posted you thought his behaviour was normal ?

What do you intend to do ?

But when you posted, you were presumably sober and thought both his behaviour and your own was entirely normal?

To be honest Op, I guessed you were about 22. Plenty of time to learn about relationships. Chalk this one up to experience and move on. Think hard about how you want to be treated and don't accept less. Whilst everyone has vulnerabilities, these should be discovered over time, amongst lots of good qualities. Dates should be fun, going out together, minimal drinking, getting to know each other. And if you are the type, as I was, to get attached if you sleep with someone, then refrain from this until you know them better. And always make that decision when you are sober. That is my motherly advice. Now please dump him and update us. Under no circumstances are you to go round to see him, meet up as friends etc. If he wants his clothes back- post them.

I knew it wasn’t right I just didn’t realise how wrong the behaviour actually was. Now that I’ve posted this and actually read the comments and my own thread back it’s like a slap in my face and woke me up a little bit

Where I live it’s a very small deprived town, I don’t think I know one person who doesn’t have issues. My mum says I attract the wrongerns I guess I just felt like I could save him and turn his life around for the better. Like I offered to make him dinner today and I was going to take it round to him when he finished work but he didn’t want me to make the fuss. I have offered to help him and clean his place with him, I just like to help people. I’m the same with my friends I have took friends in who have a lot of troubles and it has never really done me any favours I guess I need to start learning from this. I just want everyone to be happy

You're very young. Someone 27 would see through him and wouldn't have got so close to him

It's not your responsibility to help him, unfortunately. You cannot sacrifice your own sanity for someone else.

Take heed of what his brother said.

I feel like the idea thst men suffer in silence applies to some men. But a lot of men make their suffering everyone else's problem. If it's not you, it'll be some other kind girl. Leave x

OP, the most important person you need to make happy is yourself. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness.

Don’t have a relationship with someone you think needs “saving”; you can’t save anyone from themselves, and you will end up getting hurt.

Please cut ties with this person - and focus on yourself!

You can't help others unless you first look after yourself.
Don't place yourself at risk to help others.
Learn your worth and when others are taking the piss of your kind nature

I will help anyone, friends, family, strangers on the train but primary role is to look after my needs and those of my nearest and dearest. Example I was on a train with someone who was trying to get to the airport but got on the wrong train in the opposite direction. The train conductor told her to stay on the train until the next major city then go back to the original city and go to the airport. It would have taken her almost 2h. I helped her set up Uber on her phone and left her once it was on its way. Its a half hour drive. I would have liked to wait until she was in the taxi but I had to collect my daughter from school and I had to prioritise that over her. I swung back past the station on my way home and she wasn't there. I hope she made her flight.

My cousin dated a guy with a sad backstory, no family remaining used it as an excuse to not be around at Christmas and other holidays. They were just too painful to be around people. Blah blah. Lies all lies. He did have a family only his family were aware of his wife and kids and couldn't exactly introduce his mistress to them! He was also with his wife and kids at Christmas. Don't take things at face value!

• I have just messaged him and told him that I don’t think it’s a good idea that we keep speaking, and I’ve deleted him.
• He Was 110% love bombing me as last night over text he was just being horrible anyway. He told me that me posting videos/pictures of my self on my story was me seeking attention and validation. I even deleted everything of my story that I put on because he was just being moody and distant about it and then he started the be nice again.
• he then proceeded to tell me he won’t let me get close to him, that he’s fucked off everyone else so I won’t be any different.
• I ended up blocking him but just kept ringing me and ringing me. He messaged me this morning just being fine again not even an apology it’s just like he’s switches he’s okay sober but just nasty when he has a drink. I know if I did continue this then it’ll just get worse when feelings do eventually get involved. So it’ll be best for my self to end it now so I’ve sent him that message I haven’t heard anything as of yet but I do think he was asleep so I will keep this thread updated if he does try to contact me 😬

HIs brother has a right to autonomy over his own home. This guy shouldn't to upset about being asked to leave if he came over without his bro's knowledge. And he shouldn't be waking you up when you're trying to sleep.

RUN! I had one of these in my late teens when I was too stupid to know any better. He love bombed me and we moved in together very quickly, that's when his true colours came out. He wanted a baby too, thank fuck I didn't get pregnant!

https://www.docdroid.net/VD3j819/the-gift-of-fear-pdf

https://ia902200.us.archive.org/19/items/why-does-he-do-that-inside-the-minds-of-bancroft-lundy/Why%20Does%20He%20Do%20That_%20Inside%20the%20Minds%20of%20-%20Bancroft%2C%20Lundy.pdf

https://www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/online.php

With respect OP. I think you should try some of these resources and focus on yourself for a good, long while. You are so young, do not let shoddy, damaged men define who you are or the future.

I have attached The Gift Of Fear, Why Does He Do That, and a link to the online version of The Freedom Programme.

How is he ringing you if you have blocked him?

• This is exactly what I was saying to him because he was going mad, saying he was going to back hand his brother, that his brothers embarrassed him, he didn’t think he would react that way. I tried to explain to him that his brother did not know we was in his house, he has come home and probably thought what the hell, not only was his brother there who didn’t know would be there but also a stranger (me). It was soooo sooo awkward I would have never of gone there if I would have known. He told me several times that his brother would not be bothered that he’s allowed to be there, but by what his brother was saying he really did not want anyone there.
• His brother rang there mum and dad and he was so angry about this, he said he doesn’t see why they have to tell his dad all they do is slag him of ect ect …
• I tried to go to sleep at like 2 I was soooo tired he kept me up until atleast 5 o’clock he was grabbing me singing down my hair like grabbing me and moving me about. I was telling him that he was annoying me and that I’m going to go home, he would apologise go quiet for 2 minutes and then just start again. Blasting music out of his phone next to me not even like he had it on low either.