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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I have been seeing someone for a month he keeps telling me that he loves me & I don’t know how to tell him to take it a bit slower?

247 replies

SharpSnake · 18/11/2024 09:18

  • I have been dating someone for around a month now. We have met on two occasions. The first first was just a brief date over a drink or two.
  • We ended up meeting each other over the weekend, he invited me over to his place. I came on the Friday left on the Sunday.
  • We literally spent the time talking and getting to know each other more, the conversation was flowing non stop no awkward breaks or anything like that inbetween.
  • I think we have both had around 4 hours sleep over the past 2 days . We spent the time together just talking and have sex, when we was just lead in bed cuddling he telling me he loves me he mentioned this several times but I just let it blow over. He was also saying I’m full of him and he wants me to have his baby’s.
  • Every time he finished he told me that he is going to get me pregnant. I am no where ready for a child but he has said that multiple times to me now that he wants a baby and our own family together. What can I say to him please? I do really like him but I don’t want to rush into things, I have briefly mentioned this to him but I don’t think he acknowledges this.

( I am on contraception)

OP posts:
unsync · 18/11/2024 16:47

... And another love bombing, abusive man rears his head.

I have been seeing someone for a month he keeps telling me that he loves me & I don’t know how to tell him to take it a bit slower?
rlar · 18/11/2024 16:51

This whole thread has made me so uncomfortable, it's making my skin crawl

Original poster
SharpSnake · 18/11/2024 17:50

So just to answer a few questions…..

  • We met over social media, we have mutual connections, I have known of him I have just never spoken to him untill now.
  • I ended up at his brothers house recently, he has his own place but he does not like to be there so he asked me to come to his brothers. He told me his brother had gone to the Christmas markets. His brother ended up coming back the following day at 10 o’clock at night. He told me that his brother knew that we there however when his brother did actually come back he was not happy, they were arguing & his brother said to him that he was “ Calling the police, because he is sick of him”.
  • I ended up grabbing all my stuff I had never felt so embarrassed in my whole life, he told me that we was allowed to be there and because he is always there and sending me pictures there I genuinely believed this. As we got told to get out I was making my way home, I told him I did not want to speak to him to him ever again. Basically he wouldn’t let me walk away he told me to just come to his place. I asked why he never just originally invited me there in the first place instead of making me look like an idiot in front of his brother. He said it’s because his place is a mess so that’s why he didn’t want me there because he was embarrassed.
  • He told me that he just comes home from work gets dressed and then goes straight to his brothers, he doesn’t like to be at his because it gets lonely. Which I thought fair enough, I was all ready to go to sleep and then just go home in the morning. On the way to his he ended up getting a litre bottle of vodka and told me he was drinking because his brother had peed him off.
  • We got to his it wasn’t that bad as he was making out but it was a mess clothes everywhere washing up in the sink but it was like pure filthy. I just helped him picked up some of the clothes & tried to do his washing up but he just like picked me up and carried me away and told me he isn’t letting me do that, that he will do it himself.
  • we ended up just going to bed he wanted me to drink with him but by this point we had been up for nearly over 24 hours and I was ready to sleep. He ended up drinking this whole bottle of vodka to him self, as I was trying to sleep he literally would not let me sleep either he kept singing down my ear grabbing me playing music it was absoutley painful.
  • part of the reason why I didn’t go home at this point is because I had no phone charger my phone was completely dead and I was far away from home, I met him after a night out so all I had was a jumpsuit (shorts) on & knee high boots. He did give me some clothes to wear the next day to go home in. He bought me a phone charger & paid for my taxi back home.
  • I did actually block him yesterday as we got into a bit of an altercation and I just couldn’t be bothered with anymore but he was ringing my phone at midnight whilst I was trying to sleep I answered to give him the benefit of the doubt and we just started to talk again.
  • He has asked me today to go round to see him again on Wednesday he’s been out and done a food shop he’s sat and cleaned all his place for me to go round.
  • For ex partners he has said he doesn’t actually have any, he said he just has sex he doesn’t commit to anyone but he wants to commit to me. It’s just confusing
OP posts:
Lindjam · 18/11/2024 17:55

He sounds totally insane.

Why are you giving this weirdo the time of day?

Hikingfan · 18/11/2024 17:55

You need std testing and therapy asap.

idontlikefruitpastilles · 18/11/2024 17:57

This man sounds genuinely dangerous, please cut off contact and keep yourself safe. there is nothing good about him from what you've mentioned, he's a liar, heavy drinker, crosses your boundaries, love bombing you. Please please don't see him again.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 18/11/2024 17:58

Why would you want to get any further into this relationship. He's not attempting to hide worrying behaviour after two dates, it's only going to get worse.

lobsterkiller · 18/11/2024 17:59

Fuck. My. Life. No he's got you in the fear, obligation and guilt and you've only met him twice. For your own and safety please disentangle yourself from him.

healthybychristmas · 18/11/2024 18:01

This is a complete shitshow. Can't you see that absolutely nothing about this is right?

BilboBlaggin · 18/11/2024 18:08

So he's lovebombing you and he's a drunk. A whole litre bottle of vodka?

if his house was a mess with clothes and washing up everywhere then I doubt he's the type to wash his bed linen often - yuk!

Honestly OP, listen to what everyone is telling you. This man has issues and you really don't want to get involved with him. You sound as though you're not going to listen to advice though 🤷🏼‍♀️

arethereanyleftatall · 18/11/2024 18:10

I'm really sorry for you op.

If you are confused about this, and this is an improvement on your life, which would after all be the point of a relationship, then you need a complete overhaul.

You've had two dates!!! He has told you he sleeps around, is a mess, everyone hates him including his brother, what. On earth. Are you confused about,

arethereanyleftatall · 18/11/2024 18:11

Are you looking for someone to save? Is that it?

GettingThemFromHereToThere · 18/11/2024 18:15

RED FLAAAAAAAGS!!! 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

That's not normal or sincere, of course he can't love you after such little time together. Someone who can fall so quickly will fall out quickly.

Honestly, I'd tell him that he's taking things way too fast, that it will likely be months before you genuinely feel love towards him and that you absolutely don't want to have babies with someone you hardly know. Let's see how he reacts!

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/11/2024 18:17

OP, you are just as messed up as he is.
No normal person would put themselves in this situation and no one would be wondering about it either.

TheTruthICantSay · 18/11/2024 18:19

however when his brother did actually come back he was not happy, they were arguing & his brother said to him that he was “ Calling the police, because he is sick of him”.

This will be you in 5 years time if you don't end this completely now. He's using his brother, and he'll use you. People don't like it when the word narcissist is thrown around but this is classic vulnerable or covert narcissist behaviour. He is a permanent victim. He can't take responsibiltiy for his actions. he is completely oblivious to how his behaviour impacts other people AND doesn't care when its pointed out.

Why would you giv ehim the benefit of the doubt when he's already behaved so appallingly?

RedHelenB · 18/11/2024 18:22

unsync · 18/11/2024 16:47

... And another love bombing, abusive man rears his head.

He's not even that though is he? There couldn't be clearer signs that he's a complete car crash yet OP still wants to see him again.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 18/11/2024 18:25

OP you need to go and get tested for STIs, let's hope he hasn't given you something incurable.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 18/11/2024 18:27

SharpSnake · 18/11/2024 17:50

So just to answer a few questions…..

  • We met over social media, we have mutual connections, I have known of him I have just never spoken to him untill now.
  • I ended up at his brothers house recently, he has his own place but he does not like to be there so he asked me to come to his brothers. He told me his brother had gone to the Christmas markets. His brother ended up coming back the following day at 10 o’clock at night. He told me that his brother knew that we there however when his brother did actually come back he was not happy, they were arguing & his brother said to him that he was “ Calling the police, because he is sick of him”.
  • I ended up grabbing all my stuff I had never felt so embarrassed in my whole life, he told me that we was allowed to be there and because he is always there and sending me pictures there I genuinely believed this. As we got told to get out I was making my way home, I told him I did not want to speak to him to him ever again. Basically he wouldn’t let me walk away he told me to just come to his place. I asked why he never just originally invited me there in the first place instead of making me look like an idiot in front of his brother. He said it’s because his place is a mess so that’s why he didn’t want me there because he was embarrassed.
  • He told me that he just comes home from work gets dressed and then goes straight to his brothers, he doesn’t like to be at his because it gets lonely. Which I thought fair enough, I was all ready to go to sleep and then just go home in the morning. On the way to his he ended up getting a litre bottle of vodka and told me he was drinking because his brother had peed him off.
  • We got to his it wasn’t that bad as he was making out but it was a mess clothes everywhere washing up in the sink but it was like pure filthy. I just helped him picked up some of the clothes & tried to do his washing up but he just like picked me up and carried me away and told me he isn’t letting me do that, that he will do it himself.
  • we ended up just going to bed he wanted me to drink with him but by this point we had been up for nearly over 24 hours and I was ready to sleep. He ended up drinking this whole bottle of vodka to him self, as I was trying to sleep he literally would not let me sleep either he kept singing down my ear grabbing me playing music it was absoutley painful.
  • part of the reason why I didn’t go home at this point is because I had no phone charger my phone was completely dead and I was far away from home, I met him after a night out so all I had was a jumpsuit (shorts) on & knee high boots. He did give me some clothes to wear the next day to go home in. He bought me a phone charger & paid for my taxi back home.
  • I did actually block him yesterday as we got into a bit of an altercation and I just couldn’t be bothered with anymore but he was ringing my phone at midnight whilst I was trying to sleep I answered to give him the benefit of the doubt and we just started to talk again.
  • He has asked me today to go round to see him again on Wednesday he’s been out and done a food shop he’s sat and cleaned all his place for me to go round.
  • For ex partners he has said he doesn’t actually have any, he said he just has sex he doesn’t commit to anyone but he wants to commit to me. It’s just confusing

Darling, this guy is a train wreck 🥺

How old are you both, and how old is his brother?

His home life sounds really bad, and I sympathise, but you can't sacrifice yourself for him

IlooklikeNigella · 18/11/2024 18:33

Get far far away from this man OP, I'm genuinely concerned for you.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 18/11/2024 18:42

MumOfOneAllAlone · 18/11/2024 18:27

Darling, this guy is a train wreck 🥺

How old are you both, and how old is his brother?

His home life sounds really bad, and I sympathise, but you can't sacrifice yourself for him

Show quote history

My guess is that she's very young, and he's a bit older. It's a horrifying read.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 18/11/2024 18:43

Bumblebeestiltskin · 18/11/2024 18:42

My guess is that she's very young, and he's a bit older. It's a horrifying read.

Show quote history

Yeah it sounds that way 🥺🥺

Agree, it's not pleasant

pictoosh · 18/11/2024 18:51

😱

Msmoonpie · 18/11/2024 18:54

He’s already abusing you.

Msmoonpie · 18/11/2024 18:58

You haven’t really responded to the major concerns people have raised here.

I am struggling to believe that anyone could read hundreds of posts all saying the same thing and not have something to say about it.

Comtesse · 18/11/2024 18:58

Mate NO. Just no. This guy is a joke, a complete train wreck.

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