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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I have been seeing someone for a month he keeps telling me that he loves me & I don’t know how to tell him to take it a bit slower?

247 replies

SharpSnake · 18/11/2024 09:18

  • I have been dating someone for around a month now. We have met on two occasions. The first first was just a brief date over a drink or two.
  • We ended up meeting each other over the weekend, he invited me over to his place. I came on the Friday left on the Sunday.
  • We literally spent the time talking and getting to know each other more, the conversation was flowing non stop no awkward breaks or anything like that inbetween.
  • I think we have both had around 4 hours sleep over the past 2 days . We spent the time together just talking and have sex, when we was just lead in bed cuddling he telling me he loves me he mentioned this several times but I just let it blow over. He was also saying I’m full of him and he wants me to have his baby’s.
  • Every time he finished he told me that he is going to get me pregnant. I am no where ready for a child but he has said that multiple times to me now that he wants a baby and our own family together. What can I say to him please? I do really like him but I don’t want to rush into things, I have briefly mentioned this to him but I don’t think he acknowledges this.

( I am on contraception)

OP posts:
Ohnobackagain · 18/11/2024 13:50

DesertGecko · 18/11/2024 09:22

  • He was also saying I’m full of him and he wants me to have his baby’s.

🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮🤢🤮

Yep @SharpSnake @DesertGecko this was the ultimate in ‘ick’. Just repulsive.

MumOfOneAllAlone · 18/11/2024 13:53

TheSilkWorm · 18/11/2024 13:43

I'm not sure if you've been on the dating scene in the past decade or so but these days people rarely talk on the phone while dating and most communication is done over messaging. So video calling to break up with someone would usually be experienced as deeply uncomfortable!

I haven't tbh so I definitely could be being old fashioned

But if someone's into you and you've spent lots of time together, (in good circumstances of course) I don't think a text is sufficient

Mumtobabyhavoc · 18/11/2024 13:54

Ohnobackagain · 18/11/2024 13:50

Yep @SharpSnake @DesertGecko this was the ultimate in ‘ick’. Just repulsive.

I just got it.
The "every time he finished" is really making me want to vomit now.
It kinda sounds like a drugged up sex fest.

Not enough vomit emojis to explain my disgust.

justfirthisboard · 18/11/2024 13:55

Sounds like a lovebomber with a breeding kink. 🤢🤢

Penguinfeet24 · 18/11/2024 13:55

With the greatest of respect, he sounds unhinged. This guy clearly has some deep rooted issue and is grabbing on to women in the hope if impregnating them and somehow fixing himself through it. It's utterly wrong and huge red flags. I would also be massively sceptical that out of all his siblings he is the only one they have nothing to do with - I suspect there's good reason for it. Please OP, remove yourself from the situation immediately and never, ever do this again - so dangerous for you.

muchadoaboutnuffin · 18/11/2024 13:56

OP- I won’t repeat the rest of the comments here, but I thought I’d give you some perspective.
I have also been dating someone for a similar time. These dates have included pub trips and some activities. We have had some “deeper chats” but certainly no trauma dumping or anything along those lines. The ‘relationship’ so far has basically been getting to know each other and enjoying spending time together. I don’t know his home address, and he doesn’t know mine (although obviously discussed vague area!). It’s been really fun and I like him a lot. This, imo, is normal (although I do appreciate that everyone works at different paces to a certain extent and there’s no judgement there).

Declaring love to this extent, discussing the fact that he “wants to get you pregnant” and oversharing quickly about previous traumas is not normal. These are tactics used by unstable, often controlling people to draw you in quickly and fast. If you have told him you want children, I’ll bet he’ll be using the pregnancy thing to draw you in as a sign of ‘commitment’. He will be telling you his traumas, because he wants you to open up so he can see where your weaknesses are.
This man is not emotionally healthy, he is not emotionally stable; you will never have an emotionally stable or healthy relationship with him.

Run now, because the longer it goes on, the more manipulative he will get.

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/11/2024 13:56

This is love bombing he's trying to trap you

Read or listen to Matthew hussey 'love life' book - this is the marathon date, another tactic.

If you can't just tell him 'slow down pal we're still getting to know each other ' then he's a weird freak

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 18/11/2024 13:56

truegum81 · 18/11/2024 09:24

i would wager the OP is a very vulnerable person in RL

Are you op?

pinkdelight · 18/11/2024 14:07

thisoldcity · 18/11/2024 10:29

I agree with pp obviously - run.

But, this is the first time I've heard of a 'breeding kink' and I'm very old and thought I'd heard of everything. Explains a lot I suppose.

There's loads of porn about it, impregnating women yourself or getting 'bulls' in to do it. So grim but nothing new. I remember way back in those Nancy Friday books, some men's fantasies being about putting their spunk in women's drinks to get off on the power of their seed. Bleurgh.

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 18/11/2024 14:09

There are so many red flags flying here. I can guarantee this is NOT a good man. So many warning signs I wouldnt even know where to start. Please dont take this any further and don't see him again.

pinkdelight · 18/11/2024 14:11

he has said to me that he is infertile he said to me out of all the girls he’s slept with he hasn’t got anyone pregnant

And this is clearly saying he's had lots of unprotected sex so why you'd let him anywhere near you with no condom is worrying. Please ditch him and look at why you got drawn in by a mess like this.

FartSock5000 · 18/11/2024 14:17

@SharpSnake listen to Mumsnet.

This guy is love bombing you and after only 2 dates stomping all over your boundaries. He is a walking red flag and you won't end up in a happy, healthy relationship.

RUN now while you can.

It is absolutely not right to be telling a complete stranger you love them after 2 dates. He does NOT love you. He doesn't know you!

His breeding kink is already being acted out on you without your consent. YUCK.

Dump and block!

Bumcake · 18/11/2024 14:35

He sounds frightening. Run for the hills, and ask yourself why you’d entertain this vile nonsense.

TheWorldisGoingMad · 18/11/2024 14:48

Where did you meet him? Is he from a different culture to you and perhaps wants lots of kids. Someone who wants to impregnate you as soon as possible has ulterior motives and you should run for the hills and block him on every channel. This is the biggest red flag you can have. 🚩If you decide to make excuses for his behaviour, or you're desperate to feel love (no offence intended). You may make a huge mistake here. The fact that you're asking means you know this is not good.

truegum81 · 18/11/2024 14:58

do you already have may children op?
i can’t imagine how awful your relationship history must be

RedHelenB · 18/11/2024 15:00

Surprisedcupcake · 18/11/2024 09:20

I have second hand ick for you

This. Don't you can any an adult relationship where you discuss having babies?

PocketSand · 18/11/2024 15:30

I think I'm infertile means you are unreasonable to use birth control. Insisting on condoms therefore means you think he may have STD. He told you he loves you, how could you think so badly of him. Shame on you.

Boundary transgression all the way. Playing the victim to transgress boundaries.

This is all kinds of fucked up.

Best not to engage. There is no happy ending.

Are you worried about ending it? That you owe him because he confided how mean others have been to him and you don't want to be seen that way? There must be a reason why his family have blocked him. Maybe he told you that so you would fear his anger if you blocked him?

Please forget his needs and look after yourself. Maybe get in touch with women's aid. There will be a reason why you see this man as a potential partner when he is giving serious ick and lots of women are saying run for the hills.

Superscientist · 18/11/2024 15:37

Run and get yourself checked out asap.
There are twisted people out there. I would be wary whether the infertility comment was there to lull you into sex without a condom to deliberately infect you with an std.
Chalk this up as a life lesson and stay clear of him and any other men that have this MO. It will only end in tears

Mylovelylittlepetbedbug · 18/11/2024 15:41

OP ,you say in your original post that you don't know how to tell him to go slower?
If someone with a weapon was about to attack you you would know instinctively that you would scream ,shout for help and run.
This man ( if this is genuine) means you just as much harm . You don't need to ask MN do you? You know he will harm you. I have ,in my time ,listened to smirking men getting off on describing what they did to people ( not just adult women with capacity) and this is similar . I'm going now as I'm too invested.Hope you are safe .

Matformouse · 18/11/2024 15:48

Honestly, you say you like him and he's a nice person but so far you've met him on two occasions and his behaviour is odd, by your own reporting. It makes me think your radar is off on what constitutes a nice and decent person.

You could be putting yourself in a dangerous situation at worst and just been saddled with a nice but weird person at best. Who says those sort of things to someone they just met? No-one who emotionally stable. Is this the best that you want for yourself out of a relationship?

I'd be concerned about his family history. You seem to have bought his sob story straight away and you're feeling sympathy for him. Likely what he wants. You have no way of knowing how much of it is true. Be very careful.

OneBlackHeart · 18/11/2024 15:49

OP my abusive ex had a sob story about his childhood too. Also about how his ex gf was crazy and put him through hell. Maybe this guy is telling the truth but he's got you feeling sorry for him so it's much harder to reject him....

EssentiallyItsTrue · 18/11/2024 15:57

Sounds revolting. You were really daft not to use protection. Why would anyone do that.

ohyesido · 18/11/2024 16:01

Full of him? Seriously?

This man sounds incredibly full on and could turn on you easily. I'd walk away

Notchangingnameagain · 18/11/2024 16:02

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩

This guy is not a keeper.

itsgettingweird · 18/11/2024 16:09

MrTwatchester · 18/11/2024 09:21

DUMP HIM.

He's a maniac.

Quite dramatic but also spot on!

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