I have been seeing someone for a month he keeps telling me that he loves me & I don’t know how to tell him to take it a bit slower?

[SharpSnake]

• I have been dating someone for around a month now. We have met on two occasions. The first first was just a brief date over a drink or two.

• We ended up meeting each other over the weekend, he invited me over to his place. I came on the Friday left on the Sunday.

• We literally spent the time talking and getting to know each other more, the conversation was flowing non stop no awkward breaks or anything like that inbetween.

• I think we have both had around 4 hours sleep over the past 2 days . We spent the time together just talking and have sex, when we was just lead in bed cuddling he telling me he loves me he mentioned this several times but I just let it blow over. He was also saying I’m full of him and he wants me to have his baby’s.

• Every time he finished he told me that he is going to get me pregnant. I am no where ready for a child but he has said that multiple times to me now that he wants a baby and our own family together. What can I say to him please? I do really like him but I don’t want to rush into things, I have briefly mentioned this to him but I don’t think he acknowledges this.

( I am on contraception)

I blocked him on social media I didn’t even think about blocking his number, I was just so tired I went straight to sleep. I woke up to him ringing my number at midnight again and again I don’t even have his number saved so I answered it half asleep

Definitely.

@SharpSnake mate - this guy is a raving alcoholic. I doubt it’s the rest of the family that are the issue - it’s him.

why do you feel the need to save him/others?

maybe look into that and work on yourself. You deserve so much more than this. You are so much better than this.

if you accept these kind of people this will be your lot in life.

you are worthy of more.

This isn’t spam unfortunately this is my actual life, I mean I can provide receipts.

Right, so you have blocked it now, yes?

To be honest I have no idea I’ve always been this way inclined I used to always bring home stray dogs as a child, I just love to help I see people who are broken and I just want to fix them I don’t know why I’m this way either.

Yeah on everything, the only issue I’m thinking of is he knows where I live but I don’t think that will be an issue well I hope not anyway I doubt he would turn here.

It's actually quite mind boggling to read OP trying to justify all this. I don't think she wants our advice, particularly as everyone is clearly telling her to get out now - run, don't walk.

Oh, and OP, I had IUDs for twenty five years. I still used condoms. So should you, more so if it's someone you barely know. As for men who say they're sterile, it's amazing how many there are who will get someone pregnant.

• I have literally just posted that I have told him I no longer want to speak to him & that I have blocked him?

I used to be similar and still struggle with it today at 50.

It stems from me feeling that if I help people enough. Go out of my way. They will like me. They will love me. It will make me good enough/worthy?

I don’t know why I’m like this. I was loved enough as a child and now. But we moved around Africa, Europe and the UK a lot before high school in England. I was always lonely at high school. Never felt like I fit. Never had best friends. Just groups I was on the periphery off. So maybe this behaviour stems from my need to be accepted. Wanted?

Like I’m not a good enough person in my own right living my own life if I’m not rushing to someone’s aid or taking on others problems.

I’ve done this with strangers, relationships, family and volunteer and work commitments time and time again. It leads me to burning out and becoming ill.

I now have a stress related immune disorder and linked ailments.

I’ve learnt what my boundaries and non negotiables in life need to be. I’ve learnt how much energy I can expand to people and projects. I’ve learnt the power of No.

I am enough. I am worthy.

as are you.

@SharpSnake Apologies, fast moving thread. Tbh, I was surprised it took you so long to block him. Well done.

OP you sound so kind-hearted, but to a point this quality will get you in trouble if you don't learn about boundaries.

It's absolutely wonderful to help other people in certain situations, but NEVER to your own harm. There's also absolutely nothing you can do to "save" someone in a situation like this - that can only come from within them.

Stay away from this guy - without even knowing you I can 100% guarantee you deserve so much more than anything he can offer you in life. Do NOT get tied to him emotionally or, god forbid, with a baby.

We all make stupid mistakes when young so don't beat yourself up about what has happened but LEARN FROM IT and never let yourself get into a situation like this again (especially the unprotected sex / love bombing and emotional manipulation parts). You sound like you've reflected a lot already on all the red flags and issues with this whole situation, which is excellent. Commit them to memory!!

Well done for blocking him OP. Your earlier posts sounded staggeringly naive so I’m very glad you’ve seen the light and that this thread has helped you. Most of us did stupid things at 22, so chalk it up to experience but make sure you actually learn from it. And remember: you cannot “save” shit men!

@SharpSnake You sound like me. It's my toxic trait having the need to try and fix people or make things better. I've learned the hard way unfortunately. It's been life ruining. Keep that bloke blocked. I suggest doing The Freedom Programme which will help you avoid situations like this in the future. I'm so glad you posted before you were sucked in and indeed pregnant.

Never ever ever offer to clean a guy's place when you're dating

His plan is to tie you down so that he can completely control you. Tell him thanks very much for a nice weekend but you don't think you are a good match. Then block him on all platforms and never have any contact with him ever again. Then sit back and realize what a close call you had at being controlled and how clever you were to have got out of his trap.

It's called compulsive caregiving and it's a maladaptive response to neglect or abuse in your own life. Look it up and learn about yourself before you ruin your life over a dysfunctional man.

Absolute load of tripe.

I have literally just posted that I have told him I no longer want to speak to him & that I have blocked him?

Just make sure that you stick to this and don't 'give him the benefit of the doubt' again. He's a walking nightmare and it's immensely troubling that you looked past so much abusive and disturbing behaviour right from the off. Taking in stray dogs is not comparable. Men like this will destroy you. If you want to make everyone happy, start with yourself and prioritise and value your own feelings. Broken men are not your problem to fix. They will break you too if you let them.

You could look into a volunteering or paid role where you get to help people sort their lives out perhaps? It's a much healthier and more effective way to meet that need. It's wonderful to see the good in people but be careful that your own goodness doesn't get swallowed up by their needs. Which it absolutely can do in a relationship.

Agree.

I've known a lot of fixers in my time. They're mostly trying to fix other people in order to feel better themselves.