Just to add, what ynou're not seeing is that righ t now, he's testing your boundaries (probably not consciously but it is still what he's doing). He is saying 100 things and doing 100 things that are not in the slightest bit appropriate for where you are in your relationship. For a woman with healthy boundaries, one who is confident in herself and her own worth, this would generate the immediate ICK and she would walk away. That's fine, becuase those are NOT the women he wants to be in a relationshi with. e needs a woman who will put up with him acting badly, saying inappropriate things. A woman who will edit her thoughts and behaviours because she feels sorry for him and/or can see "why" he's approaching things the way he is. A woman who will justify his behaviour to friends and family, and longer term, a woman who will alienate herself from her friends and family in order to service HIS needs.
In this case, it's particlarly tricksy. if you are close to your family, it wouldn't surprise me if he is already telling you how h ecan't wait to meet them and be around a "normal" family after his dysfunctional family life. You will be thinking how wonderful it is that he wants to be with your family. And so when he pushes boundaries and you find your family pushing back, you will be frustrated and angry on his behalf that your family aren't more sympathetic. It will inevitably lead to rifts with your family and suddenly, your super close family will not be as close.
And yes, I speak from experience. Even now, years after exBIL has technically been out of our life, SIL STILL thinks we are unnecessarily mean in refusing to allow him into our house or to attend social events with him even though he was violent and verbally abusive to multiple members of the family.