To be upset by sister’s attitude

[Remotenut]

my husband and I have 1 son who it took a good while to conceive, we knew we wanted 2 close in age and given how long it took to conceive our son we started trying when he was 9 months old and 6 months later I got pregnant. Im due 10 weeks before my sisters wedding who I’m bridesmaid for

my sister is a major bridezilla (think got a quote for outsourced cutlery because she wasn’t fussed on the cutlery at the reception which is a 5 star hotel so I doubt the cutlery is bad but that’s the level we are talking)

over the last few days she’s been asking me what my plan is with the baby and how I basically need to be at her beck and call over the wedding, including the night before. I said the baby will still be feeding during the night so I need to be at home to feed her. She went mad and asked could I not just leave the baby with my husbands family for a few nights. I explained the baby will only be 10 weeks old, my husbands family all have their own kids and the wedding is 2.5 hours away and I wouldn’t be comfortable being that far away from the baby when she’s so small.

last night it came up again that she’s having her hen a few days before I’m due to go have my section and my brother jokingly said oh what if Remotenut’s waters break at your hen. She turned and said remotenut’s life wouldn’t be worth living if she did that. I said that’s really not in my control (my son was 3 weeks early) and she said well you knew when this wedding was.

i understand it’s her day and she’s obviously wanting it to be all about her and that’s fine but I feel I couldn’t put my life on hold for 1 day (she asked me would I not just wait until her wedding was over to start trying for another baby)

I think I’m just going to say that I’ll go to the wedding but my husband will stay at home with the children. I don’t want that but I honestly don’t know what to do. AIBU to be upset by her attitude?

Her poor Fiance. I'd give the marriage 6 months tops.

😳 at the update. She's batshit.

She is a nutcase. You should not leave your baby behind, and I think it’s a great idea to suggest stepping back. Say clearly my baby’s welfare is always the most important thing to me. I will not stay your sister for you to tell me I’ve ruined your wedding every week for the rest of our lives because I had a baby, I’m not going to stay around for any more of that. I also didn’t ruin your boyfriend’s birthday and I didn’t ruin your wedding dress shopping. I’m done being told that, you need to find someone else to punch down on all the time.

I’m going to tell her when I see her calmly that I’ve been thinking about it and it would be better if I step down because I can’t fulfil what she needs and if that’s not good enough for her then she needs to lower to expectations of what I can and can’t do on the day. And if she kicks off she kicks off.

Tbh I think you should just tell her that you aren't doing it & stick to that.

Can't believe that your husband goes along with it as well!

@Remotenut was about to say I was sorry for her fiancé but if he went along with the spoiled birthday meal narrative he’s as bad! Is he ok or like her?

She's off her nut isn't she? I'd tell her to stuff her wedding frankly, whatever you do won't be good enough.

Your sister’s an entitled arsehole. Probably borderline narcissist. Everyone enables her.

Why does your sister not give a shit about what will be her little ten-week-old niece?

He goes with the flow. He comes from a household that doesn’t really give two hoots about him so you can see how he ended up in a co dependent family where he craves the ‘closeness’

Let's just hope they don't have children.

You're due "10 weeks before" - that means nothing really. You could be late, you could still be recovering from a C section, you could have a 7 or 8 week old baby who is feeding every 2 hours etc etc. And all this stress for you while you are pregnant isn't healthy for you or baby. I would bow out, tell her you that you are prioritising your actual HEALTH and say you'll be a guest at wedding, on your terms with your family. She needs people to stop enabling her.

You are being unreasonable to even think about accommodating your sister being so ridiculous when you'll have a newborn baby to contend with. I'd be attending as a guest only, or not at all.

Mine too !

Have a good laugh and see if she will either bring wedding forward or postpone it so you can give her your undivided attention without a baby.

I think an air raid shelter might be needed after that, but I'd love you to demand ask this

Stand down

OP you might as well bite the bullet and stand up to her now. It was never going to be over after the wedding and the boyfriend's birthday meal hoo-ha just proves it.

If they have kids you will be expected to treat them as mini messiahs. You will be told how much you have to spend on presents (and it'll be a lot), you will have to exclaim how brilliant they are when they do a poo (and you'll be told every time), but the main things is...everything your children do will be either ignored or actively put down. You won't be allowed to visit your parents if she's there because God forbid you might take some of the DGP's attention from her little princes/princesses.

For your own sake and that of your kids, meet this head on right now. You have nothing to lose except an awful lot of grief. And so what if other members of the family are so enmeshed that they make you the bad guy. It sounds like having reduced contact would be the best thing for you.

Your sister sounds like she has a personality disorder.

Ask husband first.
If he says yes then go.

Personally, I'd stand down as bridesmaid. Your DSis is over the top imo.

I think your sister is deranged. Don't be bridesmaid. In years to come let's hope she is ashamed of herself.

The cream jumper part is so unbelievable. I can't believe you went along with that.

And to allow her to keep badgering on about ruining a birthday meal. What the hell. Stand up for yourself OP

She’ll throw tantrums and your family will misplace their anger towards you.

You need to change your mindset to everyone is being ridiculous and I’m not doing it anymore.

Let them.

Could you possibly rent a room at the hotel where the wedding takes place for two nights, so that your husband and kids can be there and you can split the time between the kids and your sister? Can you also suggest that your little one is also a bridesmaid? Matching outfit and all? That would be so cute! And you’ll have to be with her the whole time.

It is.

If someone tells you to keep your coat on as an adult the appropriate response is “Err, I think I’ll do what I want, thanks”.

its a good suggestion but the venue is 2 hours away from the church so we have a 2 hour drive from the church (15 mins away from home) to the venue so I couldn’t go back and forth

she won’t let them be on the wedding. She usually dotes on my son and she won’t let him on the wedding. She doesn’t want, and I quote, the attention to be taken off her