To be upset by sister’s attitude

[Remotenut]

my husband and I have 1 son who it took a good while to conceive, we knew we wanted 2 close in age and given how long it took to conceive our son we started trying when he was 9 months old and 6 months later I got pregnant. Im due 10 weeks before my sisters wedding who I’m bridesmaid for

my sister is a major bridezilla (think got a quote for outsourced cutlery because she wasn’t fussed on the cutlery at the reception which is a 5 star hotel so I doubt the cutlery is bad but that’s the level we are talking)

over the last few days she’s been asking me what my plan is with the baby and how I basically need to be at her beck and call over the wedding, including the night before. I said the baby will still be feeding during the night so I need to be at home to feed her. She went mad and asked could I not just leave the baby with my husbands family for a few nights. I explained the baby will only be 10 weeks old, my husbands family all have their own kids and the wedding is 2.5 hours away and I wouldn’t be comfortable being that far away from the baby when she’s so small.

last night it came up again that she’s having her hen a few days before I’m due to go have my section and my brother jokingly said oh what if Remotenut’s waters break at your hen. She turned and said remotenut’s life wouldn’t be worth living if she did that. I said that’s really not in my control (my son was 3 weeks early) and she said well you knew when this wedding was.

i understand it’s her day and she’s obviously wanting it to be all about her and that’s fine but I feel I couldn’t put my life on hold for 1 day (she asked me would I not just wait until her wedding was over to start trying for another baby)

I think I’m just going to say that I’ll go to the wedding but my husband will stay at home with the children. I don’t want that but I honestly don’t know what to do. AIBU to be upset by her attitude?

Outsourced cutlery!

I’m sorry to say this but your sister is an utterly selfish cow! At 10 weeks old I wouldn’t be leaving my baby anywhere especially if she is breastfeeding. I would be telling your sis that you are not going to be a bridesmaid that you will attend the wedding with your baby as she still breastfeeding otherwise you’ll have to wish her best and do something separately to celebrate her marriage. I would be doing this through grit teeth however as she doesn’t deserve it! Bridezilla doesn’t even come close! Wishing you all the best with the birth of your new baby x

Your sister is a prize dick!

I wouldn't be going at all. I had to explain to my sister, multiple times, that a baby runs the show until their old enough to have a set routine and are eating solids, walking and talking. And even then, if they get ill or something happens then they are in charge. My sister couldn't understand it, until she had her own child and suddenly realised all I said was true and, tbf she did ring and apologise to me. We barely speak and live 4 hours away from each other. Your sister sounds a lot like mine and it's exhausting to be around that kind of energy. My concern for you, OP, is that you are going to be, at most, 10 weeks post partum. Now, even if everything goes to plan with the section, baby doesn't try to come early, you have no complications etc, literally only one thing needs to happen to throw a spanner into the works. Tbh, I think this is far too much stress to put yourself under.
Good luck with it all OP, stand your ground and then, if I were you, I'd go low contact.

Omg. This is crazy. I'm amazed she's found someone who wants to marry her!

Objecting to a cream jumper on the SHOPPING TRIP is totally nuts. I hope she recovers some sanity after the wedding.

This thread is nuts. Why the hell are you going to a wedding 2 hours away when the bride won't even allow her nephew there?!

I come from a ‘co-dependent’ birth family. You need to stand your ground. You cannot fulfil your sisters’s wants - really you can’t. This sounds very stressful. Stand down NOW as bridesmaid. I know (from experience) that whatever you say you will be the bad guy. So, for that reason just say ‘it’s better if I stand down because I have other commitments and cannot put my bridesmaid’s duties first’. That’s it. Nothing else. Do not explain any further, just keep repeating this to anyone who asks. I know that you would like your sister and family to see your point of view and understand, but they won’t. Do not waste your breath or upset yourself trying to explain. They will ‘choose’ not to get it. You could enlist your other half if he’s willing. He has concerns decided that it’s too much (new baby and all etc…) and wants you to step down. My family would walk all over me but they would never cross my husband. BTW, your sister sounds a right bitch - don’t turn yourself inside out trying to please her because you never will.

What happened in the end?

My first wedding was at the end of December and my sister (my MofH) was due on 10 February. She was very pregnant.
We switched the wedding from the church to my parent’s house and pared down the guests to only family.
We searched until we found bridesmaids dresses that were appropriate for both pregnant and non-pregnant girls.
We did everything in our power to accommodate my sister.
Why? Because I adore my sister and I’d do anything for her.
And then, at our reception where it was back to everyone was invited, my BIL, unbeknownst to any of us hooked his whore girlfriend up with an old beau of mine and we were so SHOCKED that they’d have the audacity and bad manners to show up and proceed to embarrass themselves and us.
I think now of all the things I should have said and done to them and how we should have thrown them out of the party - we all were in shock. We were paralysed by shock.
And my poor sister - my BIL left her when my darling niece was 17 days old.
Good riddance to white trash.
My sister got the last laugh, though - she met and fell in love with the nicest and wealthiest man - and has continued to live well.
And living well is the best revenge, don’t forget.
I just love her so much.
And the whore? She married my ex-BIL and resents the fact that her husband cannot provide the standard of living to which she feels she is entitled - which coincidentally looks a lot like my sister’s.
Honey, you made your bed hahaha. If you’re reading this, you know I’m talking about you.

Think of it from her perspective. I'm assuming she was involved in your wedding and baby celebrations. Now it's her time. And so unless you've talked about the difficulties in conceiving your eldest (btw up to 2 years is normal if you're healthy under 30) all she thinks is you've deliberately chosen to have a baby when it's HER time.

Just take her out for dinner while you can, spoil her, make it clear you didn't deliberately set out to get pregnant to ruin her day and just be honest about why you're having another baby so close to the oldest. Hear her out. And offer to help her with stuff you can. That is, talk to her.

This is why she continues this behaviour, because you all enable it. Is it really worth all this stress during your pregnancy or at all? For the sake of your mental health and the health of you and your baby, I think you should step down and walk away. That’s what I’d be telling you if you were my friend. If you need a reason then tell her the Dr recommended it due to high blood pressure or something but it’s time to stop this toddler and her tantrums rule and ruin your lives 🌺