To not want to spend another sh*t Xmas with in laws

[Oopydoops]

Myself and DH are together 13 years. We have two DD aged 8 and 5. Every year since we met, we have spent Xmas with his family. The past few years have been awful, his brother is rude and arrogant, his sister spends the day sniping at everyone, her husband is the most pompous man I've ever met in my life and I'm sitting in a corner wishing I was anywhere but there. MIL is selling the house so it will be the last year in that house. But the thoughts of another Christmas wasted on arguments and backbiting and MIL ending up in tears makes me feel sick. My children aren't going to be young forever. I want to enjoy the magic with them. DH wants to go there, feels his mum will fall apart if we don't. I want to stay at home and possibly have my parents over. But I won't win this one. DH will put his foot down and say he's going with the kids and I can stay at home if I want. I honestly want to cry at the thoughts of another Xmas in the atmosphere of a funeral parlour. AIBU in not wanting to go even though it's the last Xmas in his childhood home?

It appears to boil down to a) upset your MIL or b) upset you, your kids. But really, perhaps others aren't happy with the situation either. Could you call in for a chat with your MIL and explain that you, and especially your kids, would really value a family day at home? She may be feeling that she has to cater for the family as she has always done that. Ask her what the arrangement was when her own kids were small. You might find out that she has been dreading the day as much as you, it must be exhausting for her. Another option is to suggest an alternative, perhaps evening get together on a different day. You could invite her for dinner. Also, is it possible that your SIL is the way she is because she is also deeply frustrated with the situation, and like you, feeling powerless to say anything?

Lol as soon as I saw you reference St Stephen’s Day, I knew there would be lots of ‘what is this St Stephen’s Day of which you speak?’ style comments

I’ve been in the UK and for years I still inwardly cringe a bit when circumstances require me to say Boxing Day instead of St Stephen’s Day.

But with regards to the main point, bin off Christmas Day at the in laws. Can’t believe you’ve been doing this every year since you’ve been together.

<grumbles about Irish men and their mammies>

I didn't know which day it is either, I was thinking maybe it's the last day of Christmas but I think that might be twelfth night. I was raised as a Catholic too 😂 but we've only ever called it Boxing Day

Regarding the ILs though, my DH knows I'm thinking the same myself after my SIL made it clear how she feels about both me and DH. If he could drive I would let him just go with the kids, I'm dreading Christmas Day at the ILs. He would back me up if we decided it was too much though, I'm undecided. I would like to enjoy Christmas.

Xmas is commercial and overrated and like a competition for the most perfect family the only winners are the retailers as everyone else is skint and miserable after spending money they didn't have trying to impress people they dont like
Best yhing i ever did was to step bzck n say no not doing it any more