To not want to spend another sh*t Xmas with in laws

[Oopydoops]

Myself and DH are together 13 years. We have two DD aged 8 and 5. Every year since we met, we have spent Xmas with his family. The past few years have been awful, his brother is rude and arrogant, his sister spends the day sniping at everyone, her husband is the most pompous man I've ever met in my life and I'm sitting in a corner wishing I was anywhere but there. MIL is selling the house so it will be the last year in that house. But the thoughts of another Christmas wasted on arguments and backbiting and MIL ending up in tears makes me feel sick. My children aren't going to be young forever. I want to enjoy the magic with them. DH wants to go there, feels his mum will fall apart if we don't. I want to stay at home and possibly have my parents over. But I won't win this one. DH will put his foot down and say he's going with the kids and I can stay at home if I want. I honestly want to cry at the thoughts of another Xmas in the atmosphere of a funeral parlour. AIBU in not wanting to go even though it's the last Xmas in his childhood home?

@Gemmawemma9 They're also HIS kids. You cannot just call them your kids just because you gave birth!!!

@Oopydoops What is Stephen's day? Never heard of that

YANBU for wanting Christmas at home with your parents. YABU for calling boxing day, Stephens day and making me Google it 😂

You know what she means. Stop pretending.

Invite MIL for Xmas to your place (with the proviso that next year, it will be your parents instead). If she is nice, she deserves a Xmas without her nasty adult children making her miserable.

Tell your horrible BIL and SIL to go and sort themselves out at Xmas.

Out of curiosity, where do you choose to go away to each year?

This ^

Put your foot down and tell him you are spending Xmas - with your children - with your parents. He can go to his mum's on his own if he wants to.

(Ps - I'm a husband saying that)

Why dont you host yourselves? I think it’s strange for parents to expect adult children to go to them once they have their own children. Surely your children want to open presents etc at home not be packed off in a car?

"Christmas is for kids?"
Since when?

I would guess she wants to spend her last Christmas in her family home, in her family home. Next year may be different.

So is it because his brother and sister are horrible to his mum? Therefore he feels he needs to be there to make Christmas as nice as he can for his mum? If so he's a very nice chap but it's a big ask year after year.

This is why people drink. Most of us couldn’t get through Christmas without alcohol, or tranquillisers, or something. Any big family get together means tension. My BIL, for example, is an oaf with disgusting table manners. He eats like a pig, smacking his lips together, burping, etc, then takes his shoes and socks off and puts his feet up. We’ve got nothing in common, and find it impossible to connect. He isn’t a bad man, and my sister is very happy, but I find him almost unbearable.

Well, that's the thing. "You would guess". I'd say ask the MIL instead of guessing

Tell him fine, go to your parents, you can stay home with the children and invite your family to come visit.

Invite the MIL to yours and also your parents, oops no room for the other people this time, sorryyyyyyy

OP, would it be possible for you to host your MIL and your own parents, rather than going to MIL's? That way you wouldn't need to see the people that make Christmas miserable for you, and as you say MIL get's upset with the 'normal' Christmas, then maybe she'd like to come to you and avoid her other kids for a change. That way, both you and your DH get to spend time with your own parents on the day, and MIL is saved from all the problems with his siblings. Just a thought, although you've probably left it a bit late to make any major changes to such a regular set up for this year. However, I'd certainly be putting MY foot down next year, and setting expectations for this on Boxing Day, so that your DH knows that this is the LAST Christmas he gets it all HIS way!

Can you stay nearby so that you can escape to your own space away from them? And next year spend time with your family if that's what you'd like.

You need to be strong and say you're staying at home this year and he can visit his mum on boxing day or whatever.
Not up to him to take the kids since they've been every year. Fuck that

Stay at home and invite MIL to you, or go away and take her with you. Problem solved!

I had never, ever heard of Stephen's day either.

Nor does the H decide what their kids will be doing!

No advice to give but just to say - you are not being unreasonable.

I'm dreading Christmas too for similar reasons. Usual annual guilt-fest at spending Christmas with relatives I'd rather not.

How could you not know that Boxing Day also known as St Stephen's Day? Have you never heard Good King Wenceslas? Who, "last looked out, on the feast of Stephen"???

personally, I’d go OP

knowing full well this is the last year. Just constantly have a glass in your hand and tune out the in laws, secretly rejoicing that this is the last one. You might even enjoy it, knowing this info

Next year, you invite the MIL round but don’t invite the others. Job done ✔️

To be fair, she missed an s in Stephens's day. That would confuse anyone.