To not want to spend another sh*t Xmas with in laws

[Oopydoops]

Myself and DH are together 13 years. We have two DD aged 8 and 5. Every year since we met, we have spent Xmas with his family. The past few years have been awful, his brother is rude and arrogant, his sister spends the day sniping at everyone, her husband is the most pompous man I've ever met in my life and I'm sitting in a corner wishing I was anywhere but there. MIL is selling the house so it will be the last year in that house. But the thoughts of another Christmas wasted on arguments and backbiting and MIL ending up in tears makes me feel sick. My children aren't going to be young forever. I want to enjoy the magic with them. DH wants to go there, feels his mum will fall apart if we don't. I want to stay at home and possibly have my parents over. But I won't win this one. DH will put his foot down and say he's going with the kids and I can stay at home if I want. I honestly want to cry at the thoughts of another Xmas in the atmosphere of a funeral parlour. AIBU in not wanting to go even though it's the last Xmas in his childhood home?

You have to stand up to your husband and tell him that after 3 years of spending Xmas with his family you will be staying home with the children and inviting your parents to spend Xmas with you but you will understand if he wants to go to his parents. You must not let him dictate to you.

Ask your MIL over to yours for a proper nice family Christmas. The sister and bil can go do whatever.

St. Stephen - the first day after Christmas day celebrating the first Christian martyr who was stoned to death.

Boxing Day - the very same day in the calendar but when alms boxes to collect offerings for those in need.

hope that helps.

You must have heard the Christmas Carol "Good King Wenceslas" right? What day did he look out?? It was "On the Feast of Stephen", so there you have it.

I just don't think "Boxing Day at home" is going to outweigh the childhood memories of hostile, bickering Christmas Days at MiL's as they get older!

I always hated them as a kid. It was the same as Christmas day but with no presents. I'm an only child though.

But as I and others have pointed out, the carol doesn’t contain a handy reference point that “the feast of Stephen” is Boxing Day. Most of us have heard the song “Do You Know the Way to San Jose?” too, but it doesn’t mean we’d be comfortable giving directions.

Fuck's sake, is this still going?
All the time people have spent posting affronted messages about it, they could just have googled 'what's Stephen's Day?' instead Which is kind of what I meant about lack of intellectual curiosity.

This. Exactly

Just go and make the best of it and celebrate the last time there.
Make a surprise holiday plan away for following Xmas and pay for it but don’t tell anyone else including your children or husband until too late to do anything about it.

I’m curious, why do people alternate between parents and not spend some time at their own home? Did you all spend Christmas at your grandparents’ houses? My best memories as a child are from staying at our home.

Tell your husband you will fall apart if forced to go and if he takes the children with him- Ask him will he now give you the same thought as his Mother and what will he do if you stop him? Hit you?

If your husband intimidates you and doesn't put your wellbeing first - He's an abusive husband and you need to get rid.

Invite MIL out to lunch for a Christmas meal to a top restaurant and be spoilt. Then suggest he goes and cooks for the rest of his family ?

If you aren't far just nip in not spend the day.

His mother will fall apart? How pathetic and selfish of her. Does she not give a hoot about YOUR mum? I despise the Xmas rules put in place like this. Tell him you'll see her boxing day or something and this year it's your turn to have the day how you want it.

Well we were always the hosts, which I can see is different, but personally speaking, I actually wanted to see my grandparents and wider family at Christmas! I think too much time on MN makes that seem unusual, because obviously no one bothers to post a thread to say “We’re visiting MIL on Christmas Day and that’s fine by me”. But it’s not uncommon to actually like your extended family!

Options go somewhere you and the children if husband wants to go to his parents! Book a week away Butlins , Pontins, Potters, Disney USA ! Enjoy yourself. Don’t go to MIL!!!

Center Parcs - it ticks the boxes for us!

Why does DH get to dictate EVERY year. He needs to understand is way past your turn to decide! I would tell him you've already invited your parents and that you're doing if at home this year, END OF!! You can all spend Boxing Day (or another day) with his family.

Like pp said, invite your mil to yours with your parents, not his siblings. Pretty crap for your dc to have to leave the house on Christmas Day and be subject to shitty sniping/pompous arse all day. Put your foot down, he doesn’t get to dictate every single year!

That’s so hard on you and your kids, very selfish and controlling of hubby. You need to draw your line in the sand now and stay at home with the kids and let him trot off on his own. There will be fireworks but will be worth a lovely Xmas with your parents.
I feel your pain, Xmas hard enough since losing my parents and have hosted MIL every Xmas since married 21 yrs ago, she’s not a very nice person so I have to try hard with her but last year broke me, she got drunk yet again and fell over fractured her pelvis and ruined the day again, DD in tears and hubby vowed then we were going away this year - told her last week and still feel guilty about it but we need to do something for us this year. I’m lucky that hubby sees how badly behaved she is and to top it off she smells and refuses to shower so we can’t even go out for dinner it’s too embarrassing!

Lovely!

Stay home with your family and your parents, invite his mother, leave his siblings to fight among themselves.

Why don’t you ever get to spend it with your own parents? Your DH is being entirely unreasonable demanding you spend it with his family every year? Surely you should alternate at least? I would be dying on this hill I’m afraid, I really would.

Could your MIL be persuaded to come to you without the others?

Wow!how selfish he sounds, and it sounds horrendous, wouldn’t want my children to spend a Xmas in that atmosphere, feel so sorry for your parents 😳 tell mr big your seeing your parents and want YOUR children to have a happy fun time for a change, and your parents matter too.. say you will go there for New Year’s Day or something..
if he doesn’t agree he’s a bully, I’d tell him to go and not bother to come back 🤨

Tell him, ok it's your childhood home, and they're moving, so this is the last time. Suggest you invite MIL to yours next year, but not his brother / sister. Sounds like everyone needs a break from this cycle of misery. Sounds to me like nobody wants to be there... MIL sounds like she might be ok though.