Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

Her looks are a red herring. Leaving you so soon and to look after the kids is selfish.
I get he's knackered as he's had to step up with you being in hospital so maybe he was relieved that the au pair is back. Living in London I would have thought she's well used to public transport.

Did you suggest the alternatives to him?

Husband is entitled to a break from caring for his family too. Of course, if he hasn’t been pulling his weight in the caring department, then I suspect that is the real issue, as clearly husband is capable of empathy as he is showing some for the au pair at least. Only OP knows if her marriage is going to become one of those where the man leaves when the woman gets sick though. I wouldn’t be worried if this lift was a one off, but I would definitely be suspicious if there was a pattern of behaviour of husband doing stuff for au pair he wouldn’t do for OP, and whether they (husband and au pair) are always coming up with reasons to be alone together.

Your aupair is meant to be treated as a family member
of course anyone would go and pick up a daughter

My parents wouldn't have picked me up at 21

Mine did.
Mine also picked me up this summer from Liverpool airport and I'm 59!!

Mine too

My mum still picks me up from the airport in her car. I'm 55 and she's 83. Mind you, the airport is about 20 minutes from her home.

I'd pick any of mine up and the youngest is 21.

I imagine you are feeling rather vulnerable and worries like these creep in when we’re at our lowest.

Ideally, she should have made her own way to you and it was inconsiderate of your dh to leave you to collect. I would let him know you would rather he had looked after you /his children and ask him not to do that again. His family should be his priority in times like this, but we all make mistakes.

I hope all goes as smoothly as possible for your treatment and healing.

You mentioned her looks which suggests you don't trust him - does he has form for this, or do you have a history of insecurity re other women? You might just be feeling fragile emotionally post surgery, it really doesn't sound like there is anything in it and as you can see from the replies here - on a website not famous for giving men the benefit of the doubt - most respondents would have expected their husband to have done the same. I hope your recovery goes well

The people saying their dad still picks them up… would they expect to be picked up if their mother was at home recovering from a cancer related operation and had other children at home to looked after?

If they were fit and healthy and the journey was London in the early evening?

This is the reason why an au pair costs £90pw and a nanny costs around £500pw. They are inexperienced young people (mostly women) living in a foreign country where they will not be familiar with the language or public transport network, and you are expected to take care of them and treat them as family. In return, she is significantly reducing the workload for you and your husband for an extremely low cost.

It’s only 3 hours.

I’m sorry for what you’re going through but that doesn’t mean you need to spend every minute together.

How old are the kids?

He may have needed that hour to turn the music up and be by himself.

It was kind of him to take the au pair back.
Her being young and good looking is irrelevant.

If I was living with them and providing up to 30 hours of childcare and housework in exchange for board and a small amount of pocket money, yeh, I'd say the odd lift was a reasonable ask.

Did you tell him that you would prefer him to stay at home?

It's not about expectation. People aren't asking or expecting it. They are just saying this is what their parents do. Mine would be the same. Cancer or not, my mum would want me to be picked up.

The people saying their dad still picks them up… would they expect to be picked up if their mother was at home recovering from a cancer related operation and had other children at home to looked after?

People were commenting that their parents still pick them up were going straight back at the poster who said her parents would not have picked her up at 21. It's not outrageous to pick family members up, even if they are over 21.

Not in London though, that's madness. If they live anywhere east of about Shepherd's Bush it'd be 3 hour round trip for him minimum, more if there's significant traffic, vs an hour or so for her to get public transport one way.

I’m so sorry that you’re going through cancer treatment, OP. & I hope you have a smooth recovery and lots of support around you💐

I think, if your husband is spending lots of his free time with your au pair and you have some suspicions around them then YANBU to feel this way tonight.

However, if he is just offering to pick her up from the airport to be kind, and you are well enough to be left alone for 3 hours then YABU.

What is their relationship like otherwise? & is your husband your primary 24/7 carer?

My dc are late twenties and we regularly pick them up/drop them off. It wouldn’t occur to me not to.

I can't believe how many posters are saying they wouldn't hire a pretty Au Pair.

So the young woman misses a job opportunity because some husbands can't keep their dicks in the pants?

Newsflash: If that's the sort of man you've chosen to have a family with, it won't matter to him whether she's a stunner or not.

He'll stick it in her anyway and no doubt you'll find a way to blame her.

My ex drove ours all the way to Romania and dropped her off with all her stuff one Christmas. She flew back and was back at ours before he was. He was trying to dump her as she was pregnant with his kid. That was awkward 😕 t

If you think he’s a man who, when faced with a wife undergoing active cancer treatment, is perving on a 21 year old, you clearly think he’s a bad person and don’t trust him.

OP you had surgery on Friday? Anesthesia is weird shit..don't overthink anything right now. It makes people cry feel paranoid be confused be agitated..i could go on.

Picking up from a London airport is usually much slower than just getting the tube/train.

Was the journey expected to be that long, or took longer than expected?

Wishing you a speedy recovery.