Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

I’m 35 and my dad insists on picking me up every time I come to visit them, as well as give me lifts everywhere - sometimes I manage to get public transport or a taxi but generally he will absolutely insist that he’ll drive me. I think it’s absolutely lovely and I enjoy the time I spend with him in the car and chatting about the most random things.

We always had live-in Nannie’s and au pairs when our kids were young so I’m used to living with a much younger, attractive woman in the house. But I never worried about my DH, even when the occasional one used to flirt with him. What’s making you question it? Is it just because you are feeling very vulnerable right now (understandably)? Or have you been getting vibes?

Playing devils advocate, he could have picked her up because she is a godsend at the moment whilst you’re going through treatment and wants to make sure she is happy and stays as long as possible. Or if could be because homelife is tough right now so 3 hours driving in the car with no care responsibilities is a form of relaxation and escapism for him.

This might totally be my stuff, so forgive me if it is, OP.

But I’m thinking if I had cancer and was feeling rough physically, emotionally and mentally, having just had an operation, I would not like the idea of my husband spending time away from me chatting (and potentially having a good time), especially not with a stunning young woman, unless blood relative! I would feel jealous and I would want him at home with me, just looking after me and the kids. I would want to be able to relax and have him take care of the rest.
I think it is reasonable to be unreasonable in the situation you are in.

(But if it is this, try not to make it about the au pair. This isn’t about her).

Id pick up my 21yr old I wouldn't expect them to navigate that all on their own. As an act of love.

This.

I gave my DH a lift to the airport a few months ago. He’s 49. I’m glad I live in family where we help each other out.

Then that’s a shame.

mine would have and I think he’s just tried to be nice.

sorry to hear you’re unwell.

dh should put his wife's feelings first

I honestly think this thread is absolutely tragic, all the hate towards young woman for being pretty, people encouraging the OP she's right in thinking her dh shouldn't be allowed 3 hours away from her to offer assistance to someone who's about to care for her family.

I think maybe you’ve let jealousy and insecurity get the better of you. She’s not going to be remotely interested in your husband and unless there is a back story about him chasing young women then he’s doing a good deed.

OP your reference to the au pair’s appearance makes me think you don’t mind him picking someone up from the airport, you’re jealous he’s picking up a pretty woman and spending time alone with her in the car.

If you aren’t happy having her around, you need to replace her with an old boot.

That made me laugh.

Would you mind if he picked her up, if she had a face that only a mother could love?

If there are alternative modes of transport, and also other caring duties at home, then no, its not helping out

My son has been doing transport from airport after trips to US , his choice, since. 15, she can sort transport unless you (dh) offer... Otherwise of course she's likely to say yes

Agree with this

A lot of us get jealous a bit about other women. It's only human. As long as you don't really act on it , you're fine. Expressing jealousy never really does anything good.

My ex boyfriend used to have a close female friend. I never stopped him seeing her.

However I used to get jealous at their close emotional bond. He told me that his last ex girlfriend had got jealous of this female friend too.

It's hard. Because when you love someone there is always the fear of losing them. I think it's normal to have jealous thoughts.

Just don't act on them and snap at him or her

I think at such a vulnerable time in your life, he should put your feelings first

Thank-you all. Kids are 3 and 6. Yes it is irrelevant that she is beautiful as I trust her and DH but I look pretty horrendous right now. I never ask DH to pick me up from hospital appointments or do anything for me as he’s self employed and always working, I need to allow him mentally and practically to be able to focus on all that as well as look after the kids if I’m not there or not feeling well.

That’s why I was just surprised he was making extra chores for himself. Even though it’s the weekend but he’s always working at the weekend. Au pair is paid very well as per new rules and she knows all she has to do is ask for money for things like travel, saving money isn’t the significance of the lift, it’s the use of DH’s time and energy when it’s in such short supply.

YABU for having a stunning au pair in the house in the first place! I wouldn’t feel comfortable, just another thing to worry about. Weren’t there any ‘jolly’ ones available?
Wishing you a very swift recovery 💐

I also wouldn't have a stunning au pair living in the house. I think it's a portent for trouble.

Remember when jude law slept with his nanny.

Finally some common sense.

Really??

Ffs, the issue in this post is you and your belief that your husband would cheat on you.

Either your husband is a massive dickhead or you are massively insecure.

Either way you shouldn't be married.

To be fair, feeling rough after a harsh health diagnosis would knock anyone's confidence. I think it's very unfair to say that means they're a bad match - cancer is a rough patch!

Said in the kindest way as I know you are going through a lot x
But are you sure an au pair is the right option for your family? If you already feel this insecure then it sounds not. Without sounding flippant there are plenty of more mature nannies who would be a better fit. The last thing you need is more stress.
Best of luck with your treatment x

I agree with her.

I think having a young woman living in the house is asking for trouble.

Its her choice. But I'd never have a live in au pair.