Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

I know. My husband often chooses the weirdiest things to help with in a crisis.lol maybe her husband honestly thought he was helping.

She fucked off around 24 hours ago...

The point is what OP's DH's doing is not weird at all, age-old tale

I don’t think she was saying the young woman was asking for trouble but the OP

Yes at 21 and long past it!

A fat one with a moustache? You're revolting

As did mine. And I still feel sad when I get to arrivals and he’s not there to collect me.

YABVVU!

I hope you never ever expect your husband to drive you anywhere because it's London so you can just use public transport!

I also hope that one your kids are old enough to be out on their own no one ever offers to drive your children anywhere!

I'm sorry you have cancer but that doesn't give a free pass to be a bitch to another woman just because you don't like how they look!

My dad still picks me up/drops me off if I go via Heathrow as he lives close by - I'm nearly 50 and he always has done. A member of the family always picks up my 24yo unless she is travelling with someone door to door such as a boyfriend.

It's always appreciated after a flight I think to have someone at the airport for you.

Your being nasty his sick with cancer should be his priority he should be at home as much as possible and she the au paur can make her own way like get a taxi or something.

Have you read the thread? Her husband doesn't drive her to hospital appointments and she never asks. She found it odd that he picked her up and found time out his busy schedule. Any normal person would ask why. Her husband might find her attractive he won't be the first man to shag the nanny. Do you think the op deserves it if he does?

I never ask DH to pick me up from hospital appointments or do anything for me..

Well you should. If you can’t ask for a lift when you have cancer you are being a total martyr. The fact your DH is self-employed means he had far more flexibility to be there for you than many many others with 9-6pm on-site essential worker jobs.

Giving the au pair a lift to the airport isn’t unusual. It shows your DH isn’t selfish and would likely jump at the chance to be there for you at the hospital.

It is a good thing to ask for help and cancer is certainly more than enough of a reason to need it.

If you don’t trust your husband why hire a 21 year old ‘stunner’. Au pairs don’t have to be the stereotypical beauty queen type, they can be fifty with their own lives (can’t they? 🤷‍♀️).

I hope you have a good recovery from treatment.

I understand your point.
Alot people will shut you down saying you have trust issues and jealousy blah de blah.
But
It's so common
That when a woman spends time alone with a male then it can turn into something more.
Read the psychology behind the strictly curse.

I don't know what to suggest tbh.
As
You did hire her so you have to treat her right and staff do business trips together. But even business trips can turn to affairs.

Before people slam me down
Seriously
Work in a hospital
Work the night shift
After a few months
You will realise
That spending time with staff and the power imbalance of a male staff earning more and a young 25 year old falling at his feet that later turns into a full on affair and before you know it...families split and couple get together and then move to work at a different trust for a new start together.

In your case
It's the same.
You husband is her boss
She will be attracted to the power imbalance
And if single

Far too many romance books start like this

Call me delusional but you are right.

Btw
I don't really value your husband based on how you have described him.

Seriously the world has gone mad. So many bloody movies and books and dramas normalising an affair.

You deserve the best.
You are loved.
You are loved by your children and your family.
Please hold onto that.

Really hope you hubby wakes the hell up and treats you how you deserve to be treated

Sending you loads of love
❤️❤️❤️

Which airport and back to where? Sounds like quite a journey.
How would she have travelled back otherwise? Was it likely to be a late night journey if not picked up?
If it had been your daughter or sister would you expect them to travel back alone?
She's a young woman, you employ her. You have responsibilities.

The OP.already answered these.

Not late at night, public transport which in London is easy and TBH likely quicker.

If she worked a regular job, her employer would not have driven her door to door for a holiday

My daughter is 21 and there's no way I'd expect her to make her own way through London. And if I'm honest I wouldn't don't myself either. I think your feeling insecure because of everything you are going through which is understandable. But your husband did the right thing taking her.

The au pair lives in London so clearly is well used to making her own way through it!

It's the ops fault her husband didn't need asking to pick up the au pair he done it of his own volistion. No wonder the op is upset I would be. The au pair didn't ask he wanted. Doesn't he want to take op to the hospital without op having to ask or perhaps he doesn't want to.

Just no, we have to stop putting cars at the centre of everything

What about all the kids who live in london and all the young people who travel the world? A 21 year old can't make her way through london?!

I’m so sorry that you’re in this situation with cancer. I do hope that you make a strong recovery.

there are many reasons why your husband may have made the trip, other than romantic / extra marital. for example, would he be just grabbing the down/me time, driving in the car? Maybe he feels overwhelmed by all that is on his plate, the worry…what I’m saying, is that it may not be what you think x

Every day on my commute I see 11 year olds making their way through London, it's not the Serengeti

That comment made me laugh so much

The pp never really explained why a 21 year old wouldn't be able to use the public transport system in london, or just walk

Gosh, driving in a CAR for 3 hours when you have the transport links of LONDON is what absolutely baffles me about this post. It would have been quicker on public transport (and better for the environment and everybody's stress levels).

Some people don't really get that though and drive everywhere. So if that's the kind of way he usually lives his life then he was probably just task oriented and didn't think outside of the task (about your feelings, whether there was a more efficient way to do it, etc).

If, however, you expressed this to him and he still did it then I'd be needing to have a conversation with him. Not necessarily thinking he had inappropriate feelings for the au pair, just on the wider issue of how he's using his time when you're ill. Hope your treatment is as smooth as possible and you get better soon, by the way.