Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

@levantine My parents wouldn't have picked me up at 21

That’s a shame. I’m 30 and I’m so grateful my parents offer to pick me up from airports/train stations. I do the same for them.

Wow. Sorry you are facing health challenges, but is that any good reason to be so nasty? Your (probably extremely well paid and under worked) au pair went home to see her family for a few days, and your husband was kind enough to offer to pick her up so that she could get back safely and look after your kids. How very unreasonable of him.

@Wanttokeepmyprivacy I'm sorry you are poorly, but your husband hasn't done anything wrong. Your comments abiut her looks show that actually you don't trust him and think there is something going on with her... is that genuinely what you think or are you just lashing out because what you are going through is really fucking shitty?

I hope it is the latter.

Try not to be bitter, she is a young girl in a foreign country. Your husband has done a genuinely fatherly thing and taken a young girl safely to the airport.

I’m mid thirties and my Dad still gives me a lift to the airport. Each time his reward is a pack of wine gums to eat on the journey home.

@Senmedicalmum that's a brutally honest post. One of DH friends wife was exactly the same. Stood proudly in a meet up saying she would only hire a male and never a female.

Whilst I respect your honesty, I believe more in the laws of attraction and what will be will be. Some people cheat, some don't.

Well it depends, I think. Could you really have done with looking after post op? Did the au pair have a lot of luggage? How long would it have taken her by public transport? Are you jealous of their relationship? Would it have made sense for him to have taken her part of the way? Did you ask your husband if he could stay at home?

I’m a notorious over collector and ferrier, one summer I went to the airport 8 times 🤨 but I’d expect a 20yo to make their own way home in these circumstances.

Your DH was really nice taking her. Be proud of him unless you think that the only reason he offered was to have some hanky panky with this young attractive woman.

I am sorry for what you're going through. It must be rough for you and for your DH as well so be kind to each other.💐

Yes you’re absolutely correct and I’m completely aware I do have a problem (which I’m having therapy for and working through the issues) but ultimately if someone is going to cheat they will. I have just done things this way more to reduce my anxiety I think.

I think there are too many variables we don't know here.

If the OP is moving not needing much on the way of care, and the only child is say, 12, then I think taking the au pair to the airport was the right thing to do.

If he is leaving the OP pretty much behind with multiple toddi and preschoolers to look after and get to bed, then he is in the wrong.

Her being attractive is irrelevant.

Did you suggest to your husband that the au pair could find her way back to you? As you say, it's not difficult.

If you said nothing to him, he is going to assume you are OK with it.

I do wish you a good recovery, op.

I agree. People whose territorial hackles go up when they see an attractive member of their sex are incredibly tiresome (it happens with men too).

If you can't trust your husband around attractive women then you have a husband problem. If there's no reason for you to distrust him but you still get territorial when you see an attractive woman, that's very much a you problem.

This. OP’s hating on this au pair. Poor woman. Hope she leaves this job before these feelings leak into how OP treats her, if they haven’t already. How vile.

Cancer treatment can make you feel incredibly vulnerable and massively knock your confidence. I don't know what cancer Op is being treated for, but female cancers especially can often make you feel less feminine, less attractive, less desirable, surgery can involve huge changes to your body.

Two days after an operation OP may well need help getting a drink or food, getting to the loo, she might be in a lot of pain.

Some people on here are so lacking in empathy it is incredible.

A 21 year old should be fully able to get herself from the airport back to the house - presumably she has managed to get herself from abroad to the Ul assuming she is from another country. If she's not capable of this then I wouldn't trust her to look after children.

I wish you all the very best in your treatment and recovery OP.

I was a young attractive aupair once. There were many of us and we met the different families. Only one out of seven dads were a sleeze. The others were really nice but had a paternal approach which was hugely appreciated since we found them "old" anyway :).

I think that he should be taking care of you and giving the au pair the money for a taxi.

Unless there's a back story about inappropriate behaviour and comments from your husband towards your au pair then I think you're perhaps being over sensitive.

Which in itself is completely understandable given what you're going through currently. However, I'd try not to feel insecure, I'm sure your husband was just doing a decent thing.

I'm guessing he just felt like escaping for a couple of hours. He might have also wanted to talk to the au pair about your latest health update and how she may need to adapt her duties.

I would also not be suspicious about him doing an airport pickup.

If I was the au pair, I would be incredibly embarrassed that the DH had left his cancer stricken wife with their children to come and collect me from the airport.

It’s not necessarily about being concerned about cheating, but the DH had the option of being at home with his ill wife or spending 1.5 hours by himself, and 1.5 hours in the company of a hot young au pair. So disappointing that he chose the latter.

I would imagine that when recovering from cancer you don’t want to be compared to someone young and hot and find your husband chose to spend time with them instead. Sounds very cool wife to say otherwise.

Sure, the partner of someone going through cancer absolutely needs time away to process/relax whatever, but perhaps don’t do it with the au pair…

What agency are you using op for au pairs? Live in a military heavy community and lots of families really struggling with engaging au pairs since Brexit!

100% that sounds like my husband. He doesn't mind driving and would have the music on loud.

And OP, best wishes to you, I think your DH was just being thoughtless. I would let him know how you feel.

Maybe this was his way of getting 1.5 hrs to himself?
And I am 38 and my parents are still picking me up from the airport when I fly to visit them.

As ana au-pair I used to be only collected on arrival, sometimes taken to airport when leaving. Never in between. And not in London.

It's quite unnerving to see all the posts jumping to the dh and aupair are of course shagging, because that's what pretty, young girls are like aren't they? sex mad, promiscuous, will shag any man who looks at them....

You should have said something. "DH I would really like you home with me because I need a bit of TLC after my treatment. I'd rather we just paid for her to get public transport". If you'd said that, you'd either be sitting next to him on the sofa now, or you'd have more to go on with regards to whether you need to be concerned about an attraction, because he'd have put her first. As it is, you're sitting alone and none the wiser, because while he might fancy her, he might also just think he was doing a nice thing you were happy for him to do. Next time..speak up!