Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

Did he need a little respite… sometimes we’re all guilty of volunteering to do a chore that probably doesn’t need doing / could be done later in order to get some guilt free headspace?

Not at 21!

Get rid of her OP and get a fat one with a moustache. Seriously.

I think it's understandable given that she's an employee but also in a role that's in the heart of the family. She's a young woman and he probably feels a bit protective of her. Au-pairs aren't paid much so helping her out seems fine in the circumstances.

Did you offer a taxi, or say you would pay for trains/ buses?

Public transportation on Sunday is rife with delays / rail replacement.
It’s dark, it’s raining.
Your husband did a nice thing.

Sometimes it’s nice to just do a nice thing for someone you don’t HAVE to do a nice thing for.

What because people don't fancy fat people? Nice

My dad would have.
I'm in my fifties and he still insists on picking me up if he knows I need a lift 🤣

I spoke about it in his eulogy, he was the type of man who did anything to help others. My friends always affectionately called him ‘roy’s taxi’. My friends dad was next to useless, so i’m sure my dad made it his business to ensure my friend got home safely every time. She wrote a very touching poem about him (including all the lifts) when he died, and anytime I wish my dad a happy birthday or mark the anniversary of his passing my closest friends always mention the lifts. It’s his legacy!

I'm sorry about your condition, get better soon!

No, this wouldn't do by me, stunner or not.
YANBU.

‘I know he is knackered’. I rather like running errands that take me out of the house for a couple of hours for a recharge. Maybe some quiet time on the journey to was a bit of an escape if the cancer treatment and kids has been hard.

This. OP’s hating on this au pair. Poor woman. Hope she leaves this job before these feelings leak into how OP treats her, if they haven’t already. How vile.

Why did you hire her if you’re insecure about someone attractive working in your home ? When we were hiring a cleaner and a home help I made sure the agency sent us candidates to interview first and I declined any who I felt were too attractive and chose ones that I knew dp wouldn’t fancy. They were all trained had dbs checks and weren’t alone with the dc at all so it didn’t bother me if the less attractive ones weren’t as good at cleaning or laundry. It’s totally my insecurity and jealousy though poor dp has never given me cause for concern but I didn’t want to have that anxiety.

And as for your question absolutely yes a 21 ye old should have been able to do that journey themselves or you could have paid for a taxi

Would she be interested in your husband though?

You’re not being at all unreasonable. You’re going through cancer treatments, you've just had surgery. I’m thinking yes of course he should have stayed at home because that’s what I’d expect x

Did he take kids for a ride out to give u a bit of respite while at home

Say it like it really is! You’re jealous because she’s young and attractive! Totally why I’d not want an au pair! I mean I’m pretty confident but wouldn’t be happy with another young woman in my house helping or whatever they do! But given your circumstances it sounds like you need one but if you see her as a threat.. get someone else.

My kids are 19-23 but I do more picking up and dropping off for them and their mates than the other parents. Prefer it that way. I will be their mum until I die so why wouldn't I pick them up and do anything that need or want me to do?

I was an au pair. I wasn't picked up at the airport by the family. Got scammed by a taxi driver for too much money instead.

Sorry you are going through such a hard time OP. Would it have made a difference if she was young fit and unattractive? Do you trust your husband or do you suspect he has an ulterior motive?

I agree with this. I went through cancer treatment last year and my DH was amazing. It was unrelenting for him however. I can see him doing this just to be able to sit by himself for 90 minutes and listen to a podcast! During lockdown my mum needed some groceries delivered which was a 3 hr round trip and he was very quick to volunteer.

Steady on, that's some leap there! OPs going through cancer treatment, no need for throwing the word 'vile' around.

OP, I understand why you feel hurt about his choice
. If paying for a taxi for your au pair was a viable option, that would have been best for all.

Maybe he just wanted to keep busy, and take his mind off his worries for a while.

I assume the au pair lives with you, why wouldn't you go and collect someone who lives in your home. It's a nice thing to do and if it was your child in the same situation, you would be grateful she was working for a family who showed them kindness.

I would fully expect her to be picked up, but then I totally trust my husband!

Considering OP is having treatment for cancer which has involved more than one operation I think your sympathy with the au pair is totally misplaced . Calling her a " poor woman" for heaven's sake!

My sympathy is totally with OP who obviously is in need of her DH's support at this difficult time.

Two things can be true at once, and I’m sorry but going through cancer treatment, clearly doesn’t stop OP being jealous of her au pair.

I stand by what I said and the previous comment I was agreeing and responding to. “Saying she’s a stunner belies your true feelings.” Everyone can see it. It’s not rocket science.