Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

Quite.

And if I was a 21 year old au pair, I would have said "don't be ridiculous, you stay at home with your wife who has cancer and I will get the tube"

I think this whole conversation has come from much earlier in the thread where somebody said that au pairs should be treated as family, so perhaps like a grown up daughter.

I don't know if that's the case or not and thinking about it maybe I'm not qualified to comment on this subject as I don't live in a world where people have au pairs so I actually have no idea 😂

I'm sorry you are going through cancer treatment. I can remember how I felt. My children were a similar age also (and now can't remember it). Horrendous basically and almost not worthy of my (ex) husband's attentions.

I can well understand how you feel that he has chosen to go and collect her and of course he will enjoy her company and it's a break from all the stress. But I don't think it is anymore than that. My ex husband used to offer to drive anybody and everybody but especially my daughter whom was a similar age and great company/v attractive as well. I do think men seek easy company when life is complicated and maybe he wanted to chat about how you were doing and how she could support things.

I do think most relationships would struggle to have a stunning 21yr old in the house, let alone if you are recovering. It's not that you think your husband would cheat or anything. It's just added stress and for me it would be a constantly unfavourable comparison. I'd never feel I could relax in my own home.

Good luck with your treatment my friend and this will all soon be over.

But surely there aren't many grown up daughters who would rather their mother with cancer was left looking after two young children on her own so that they didn't have to take a tube home?

Not all cancer is the same though. Lots depends on the type and stage of cancer. I was lucky enough to be able to work through my treatment ..3 days after BC surgery, through chemo and rads....everyone is different

Yes at 21, 31, 42 or whatever age....people are different

Lmao an au pair absolutely isn't a daughter.

I wouldn't do a 3 hour round trip to collect my sister or aunt or eve parent, that would be the closer equivalent here - another grown adult.

As she is an employee, the only obligation is to cover costs of her train or transfer

Au pairs are NOT daughters. This is just ludicrous!

Yes you treat them well.
You take care of their safety as they are young adults, but you are not their surrogate parents and infantilise them by nannying and fussing and micromanaging!

And you definitely do NOT leave your very sick wife for hours on end with two tiny kids whilst you do an airport run that is not even needed in central London! This is particularly poor form if you have barely made it to any hospital appointments with her!!!

Jesus Christ.

But that's really sad, that your husband would make you feel like that. It shouldn't matter if a 21 year old is in the house, and it's telling of your relationship/husband if it would be an issue.

Crikey how do people cope with having kids female teenage friends around? Or your sons girlfriends? Are you constantly worried your husbands are fancying them? Its fucking gross. There should be nothing but motherly/fatherly feelings

Well yes the Au pair didn't show any emotional intelligence in taking the lift.
I don't see any " tit for tat" point scoring.

Is it not a bit infantilising for your dad to pick you up at age 35?

You're an adult

It’s not about infantilising. It’s about convenience, price and generally being helpful to a family member.
After a long tiring flight, what’s nicer, paying an extortionate rate for parking or a taxi, having to haul your luggage on public transport, or having someone ready and willing to drive you home?

Same as picking up someone from the pub etc, yes they could get a bus or a taxi but it’s so much easier and cheaper to get a lift, and if the other person is happy to, then great.

Some of the family dynamics on this thread are very telling.

Yes but that poster is thinking of herself.

It's easier for her, if her dad comes to get you.

But it's not easier for her dad is it! If she is 35, hr dad is elderly.

I would never ask my elderly mother to pick me up. I would never put my elderly mother through the stress of the bad traffic, and the bad airport parking

That's very civilised - thanks! :-)

I think it self-evident that nobody would have a problem with thoughts they were unaware of, so in practice it is only outwardly-perceptible behaviour that can possibly cause a problem. Whether the ultimate cause of the issue is the thoughts or the behaviour is, I suggest, of philosophical interest at most.

My Dad might not be young but he's still working FT and perfectly capable of driving! I would do the same for them, but they don't like going abroad anyway.

Has it occurred to you that maybe her elderly father has offered and wants to give her a lift?

Of course. I'm saying I would never make an elderly person give me a lift, when I'm an adult and I can look after myself.

My mum did offer to pick me up a couple of times, and I said "not at all , sure I can get the train"

As I wouldn't want to put her through that long drive.

I’m 35 and my Dad would be very very offended if you call him elderly! He’s 67, and very fit and able, has a full time active job. Cycles hundreds of miles a week. Enjoys driving.
My ‘elderly’ mother ran a half marathon with me last week. Beat me at parkrun on Saturday. Owns her own business.

Both are more than willing and capable of doing an airport run, and more than willing and capable of saying no if they want.

Elderly 😂

I think @Lisanoonan has some underlying jealousy of people with fathers who genuinely want to help as she didn't have a father (which is awful) so it's being expressed at aghastness that people do have that. My dad used to do the same, I was very independent and had taken myself over the world, but he wanted to do it and offered.. nothing to do with independence, and all to do with doing something nice for his daughter, getting to spend hours in the car chatting together etc. Family does mean going out of our way for each other and usually both people get something good out of it. I would 100% drive my kids somewhere at any age

He IS a pensioner whether he likes it or not I’m afraid! 😂

Bottom line is this:

Its a dh problem.

If he had supported op, driven her and comforted her through multiple hospital appointments I doubt she would have noticed or cared about the airport run. The fact is he hasn’t, he made time to do for someone else and has not done the same for her, despite the fact she is his wife, has cancer and needs all eve support she can get right now.

I would struggle to get past this tbh.

I agree, it's a very strange thing to sit and get one's teeth so firmly into.

Possibly projection of some sort.

It's honestly shocking the amount of women who clearly don't trust their husbands around attractive young women, and who may or may not hire one based on how she looks, isn't that discrimination of some sort 😳

He’s a pensioner yes, but he’s definitely capable of driving me to the airport. Probably a safer driver than me to be honest.