Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

Nice. A lot of people don't have dads. I didn't have one.

So I just always made my own way back

I agree there is little support for families my husband was my rock but got very ill when my treatment finished he had ignored his symptoms and stress didn't help.

I'd agree he needs to take a few hours off for his wife.

There is a weird martyrdom vibe on MN sometimes. Women competing to put their own desires and interests behind those of others.

She's not talking about herself at all. She's talking with concern about the wife.

Soz Bridget, but you’re talking out of your arse here now love.

Not once have I said or suggested that the au pair is of more importance to this man than his wife. Not once. Please quote me where I have said or suggested this.

My view is: the husband has done a kind and decent thing by offering the au pair a lift home from the airport. That’s it. Just 3 hours. Not the whole day.

As far as we all know, he was gone for 3 hours. The OP has not suggested anywhere that he is needed 24/7 for emergency and around the clock care. The OP has not once suggested she is too ill to be left alone for 3 hours.

As I have said previously to you, the au pair is probably more than capable of navigating herself from the airport back to OP’s house across London. I don’t think anyone on this thread has suggested she isn’t capable of that. The situation comes across as the OP’s husband has offered to pick the au pair up, and the au pair has accepted the offer. I don’t think it’s fair to say “she’s taking a man away from his ill wife” or “she’s so cheeky to ask for a lift” that you described earlier.

The husband not taking the OP to her hospital appointments is a separate issue and not related in the slightest to the au pair. The OP didn’t even mention her hospital appointments in her original post. The thread was posted originally about a young stunning au pair being picked up and driven home by her husband. Cue the internalised misogynistic comments from a heap of women. (Which is where my, as you describe it, “outrage” lies).

Do I think the OP’s husband should be taking her to and from all her hospital appointments? Yes. 100% he should be. So please do not insinuate any further that I believe the au pair should be of more importance than the OP. I doubt anyone is thinking that on this thread.

I have a very close family member who has undergone chemotherapy, radiotherapy, immunotherapy and a mastectomy.. and news flash here for you Bridget - a hell of a lot of women going through cancer treatment and operations are single mothers who have no choice but to look after themselves. Day in and day out.

I find it utterly baffling that your takeaway from this thread is, and I quote you, “If the au pair wasn't competent to make her own way back from her little holiday at home then is she competent to do the job she is being paid to do?”. Because if the au pair was incompetent of looking after this couples children she wouldn’t still be employed. Have a nice day x

Yes. I am agreeing with her. The people who think the wife should put herself at the bottom of the pile are the ones I'm talking about.

This. So much jealousy and possessiveness over a 3 hour drive!

It's not any 3 hour drive is it.

The woman is suffering from cancer and needs help at home!!

Why didn't you ask your husband to stay home?

This is my take on this, OP's husband may well need that 3 hour drive to decompress from the stress. It obviously isn't his wife's fault she has cancer, but it can take its toll on your loved ones too. You can't pour from an empty cup as the saying goes. He probably just needs a breather, it's only 3 hours not like he was leaving his wife for the entire day. As for the comment about her being a stunner, this just screams jealousy and is completely unreasonable of anyone ill or not.

Possibly controversial opinion, but so what if he does fancy her? If he is a good man, he won't act on it. And it's highly unlikely that she'd want to do anything either.

I fancy all kinds of people, and never act on it or mention my thoughts to anyone. Similarly, I fancied a massive cream cake I saw in the baker's on the way home from the school run, and I fancied going out for an expensive steak dinner when I was in town on Saturday.

Competent adults exercise self control. They don't act on every impulse to do whatever they fancy.

3-hour round trip to the airport in London? The most I ever spent driving was 2-hours to LGW and back. Why does it take so long?

What do you mean isn't any 3 hour drive? That makes no fucking sense whatsoever. A 3 hour drive is a 3 hour drive.

What the fuck are you on about.

Of course it's different.

My brother had cancer so I know how much care someone with cancer needs every day. They are very ill. I moved in with my brother for a month to help him

Lets Say my brother was totally well. And I decide to go on a three hour drive. Thata ol.

Now say that my brother is seriously ill with cancer, and is very weak, and he needs my help round the house

. And I go on a 3 hour drive and leave him.

The drive in the second instance, is much different to the first.

Have you ever had a family member with illness. Do you have any empathy?

True but if you.. say.. had the cream cake at your dining table every day..??

Im not saying he is having or wanting an affair but maybe he enjoyed it?
Long car journey in peace, time to think, then chatting with a nice pretty woman might have been quite I don't know, fun isn't the right word but easy.
There is presumably a lot of stress on you both right now and an opportunity to escape the house might have been appealing.
(But I'd be annoyed too)

Of course I have empathy 🙄
But it's 3 hours!
No where has it been suggested she needs round the clock care.

Given how well connected london airports are, she shoulda got public transport, leave the roads for people who need them

I see that you say OP's DH actually offered to take the Au pair home from the airport. I missed that it had been established the offer came from him. You see that offer as him being "kind and decent" . I think that highlights then why OP has a right to be upset by this: surely a more "kind and decent" thing would be to offer his ill wife lifts to and from her hospital appointments? How is being " kind and decent " to the Au pair " in the matter of offering lifts not prioritising her when he doesn't do the " kind and decent " thing of offering lifts to his ill wife?

When the Au pair was first employed by the family she must have been aware of OP's health situation. She must have been aware that while she was on her holiday OP was in hospital having another operation. That is why whether the lift was offered or sought it was unreasonable for the Au pair to take the lift from OP's DH. An employee employed to make life easier for a woman under going cancer treatment should not have taken a lift from OP's DH in this situation. I accept the fault lies with the DH in leaving his wife to parent the children so soon after her discharge from hospital but I don't see why you are determined to paint the Au Pair as some sort of victim in all this and the DH as a kisa. She knew the home situation,she knew why the family needed her to be employed by them. And common decency, and self respect, should have dictated she made her own way back to her employer's home. If she wasn't capable of doing that then I would question her suitability for the job.

You can patronise me as much as you want but you will not change my view point.

@Lisanoonan They are celebs with massive egos. Yes I know many men cheat, but these are men I wouldn't go anywhere near.
I just couldn't be with a man who could even potentially cheat with a very young woman. Life time of insecurity.

@CasperGutman Of course if matters it an older bloke is fancying a very young woman. I would never look at 21 year old men like that.

"Chatting with a nice pretty woman" 🤢

A lot of people would certainly pick up their 21 year old from the airport. Me included. Completely normal thing to do.

None of us know for sure if the husband offered her a lift or not, I was saying “My view is: the husband has done a kind and decent thing by offering the au pair a lift …”. as in, “this is what I think has happened”. As it’s the most likely scenario. However I will stand corrected if the OP confirms that’s what happened or not. Apologies if you misunderstood.

Also, I’ve already explained to you that I think the husband should 100% be taking the OP to and from all of her medical appointments. You don’t need to keep repeating yourself about that. I absolutely agree that the OP has every right to be upset that he doesn’t drive her to appointments, but at the same time -the au pair shouldn’t be blamed for that, or used in tit for tat point scoring. Anyone with emotional intelligence should be able to understand that.

You can patronise me as much as you want but you will not change my view point.

And you’re not going to change my viewpoint either Bridget. So let’s just leave it here.