Husband picking au pair up from airport

[Wanttokeepmyprivacy]

Husband did the 3 hour round trip this eve as au pair went home for a few days. I am going through cancer treatment and I had another operation on Friday, discharged yesterday. Husband is a wonderful man but I know he is knackered. Au pair is a 21 year old stunner who is also a really lovely girl but I can’t help think she is young and fit and can make her own way from the airport and it’s not late at night. And my hubby could have spent the evening looking after me and the kids, or even relaxing rather than be a taxi driver for her. AIBU?

I think the analogy breaks down there. Once the cream cake is bought and taken home, it goes to waste if you don't eat it. The cream cake doesn't have agency to decide whether it wants to be eaten.

However, I do have chocolates in the cupboard, ice cream in the freezer and several bottles of lovely single malt in a cupboard next to the sofa where I sit in front of the TV every night. I don't over-indulge in any of these.

I suspect many women rather enjoy looking at inappropriate younger men they'd never seriously contemplate doing anything with. They mostly keep their thoughts to themselves, and rightly so.

The problem with men's behaviour is not that they fancy younger women, it's that they make their thoughts apparent and that they too often see it as socially acceptable to do so in ways that make others uncomfortable. As long as nobody is aware of your thoughts, e.g., from your inappropriate staring or inappropriate comments, there is no issue.

It absolutely does not matter if an older bloke fancies a younger woman if nobody is even aware of this. How could it? Now, the OP is aware of her husband's thoughts (or thinks she is), and suspects his behaviour towards the au pair is motivated by them. But the problem is not the husband's thought crime, it's his behaviour and the way it's affecting others.

At 21?

My niece has just come back from backpacking round the world. She got a bus home from the airport.

And boiled eggs are runny 🤷‍♂️

Your niece's travel plans don't mean it isn't completely normal for many other family members to do airport pickups.

I know far more families who do this for each other than not.

I didn't say it wasn't normal.

I said, Like with everything else, there is a complete variety in family circumstances.

Some people are more independent at 21.

Some people don't have fathers at all at 21.
Some people's parents would like to pick them up but have to work

Some people have parents that are separated and the parent they live with has to work, so they can't pick them up.

I didn't have a father at all.

I know that my mother is a nervous driver and doesnt like driving into the city where my nearest airport is
. So out of kindness to my mother, I always got a bus home from the airport.

Ok but your reply was to @Orangelight23 who'd said...

A lot of people would certainly pick up their 21 year old from the airport. Me included. Completely normal thing to do.

And you began your post with "At 21?"

I'm not sure why you questioned it, because as you say, it's different for everyone?

Yes I disagreed with her when she said 'a lot of people would pick their 21 year old up from the airport' .

I don't think think that lots of people do.

Some do. Maybe the parents who have 21 year olds still living at home, would pick them up.

The 21 year olds that I know, including some of my nieces and nephews, are living abroad , or travelling abroad, and when they come home to visit their parents, they get a taxi or a bus home.

As a gentle response, OP, maybe it was an escape for a few hours...a solitary drive home.
He sounds lovely so try not to read anything into it and spend your energy on recovering.
Wishing you all the best.🌺

It depends how independent the 21 year old is.

Some 21 year olds still live at home and are quite child like.

Some 21 year olds work and live abroad and are used to fending for themselves.

I'm not sure independence has anything to do with it to be honest. Don't people just do favours anymore?

I wouldn't say to my husband no I'm not picking you up, your 40 years old and independent now!

@CasperGutman No the problem is definitely the thoughts. We'll agree to disagree.

Exactly!

My dad used to pick me/my siblings up from the airport right up until he was too old to drive, and that would've been when we were in our 40s.

My husband picked me up last year and I'm 55!

Jesus follow the thread. On this page we were not talking about married couples picking each other up.

We were talking about parents picking 21 year olds up from airports.

And yes that often does depend on how independent the 21 year old is. .

Looking at the other side of it, did you ever feel bad about getting your elderly dad to pick you up, when you could have made your own way?

I used to be friends with a male work colleague, but after I saw how he treated his elderly mother, I stopped being friends with him.

He was in his forties and he would get his mum to run round after him.

He had his mother driving everywhere doing things for him.

She used to drive two hours down to him, to bring him shopping, because the things that he wanted could apparantly only be bought in her town.

I said to him. "She does a lot for you. But do you do anything for her. She's 72 ?" And he said " ah no not at all I'm spoiled! "

I have followed the thread thanks and it you look back you will see where my comment came from.

Either OH or I always picks up grown-up kids at the airport. Also anyone who's coming to stay. Also from the station, which is about a mile away. So I really don't see what the problem is, unless he was specifically and explicitly asked not to.

Many of the replies here imply either (A) that no man can be trusted out of sight for an hour - which is just not true - or (B) that the OP's specific man can't be trusted out of sight for an hour - which no one here has any reason to believe unless we're back to (A) again.

It's not so much that many MN members have a low opinion of men. It's that they seem to have a low opinion of everybody. Which is so tiresome.

There's a big London non London thing going on re airport pick ups, I think.

Partly the awful London traffic and partly the plentiful public transport means hardly anyone drives to the airport in my experience.

My dad has offered to pick me up from the airport before but honestly it's so much faster to take the tube, I would never take him up on it

If they can’t even manage to use the tube, then they most definitely should not be looking after babies and children!!

Yeah I've always made my own way home from the airport too, from a young age,

as I wouldnt put my mother through the terrible traffic and the stressful parking!

Looking at the other side of it, did you ever feel bad about getting your elderly dad to pick you up, when you could have made your own way?

God no, I would've felt bad getting a taxi because he would've said 'Why on earth didn't you ask me?'

He used to love to do it and would look forward to the journey back, with us telling him all about our travels.

It's something we both miss, but happy memories!

But it is someone else’s Dad!!!! It’s not the au pairs dad where they get to make memories ffs. It’s completely different..

Or it should be!

And I hate to think of them ‘making memories’ and what that even looks like 😳

YADNU op!

Did she ask or did he offer?

No it was definitely MY dad the PP was asking me about! 🤣🤣

I lived in Spain from 21-25, my Dad picked me up from the airport every time I came home. It was different on the other end, it was a 15 minute walk or a 5 minute taxi from Gibraltar airport to my flat.

Even now, if we're going on holiday, he takes us to the airport and picks us up. I'm 35. It's at least a £70 taxi, or a lot more to park at the airport.