To not want Inlaws to stay Christmas Eve?

[Secretgarden88]

I know I probably am BU, but I just don’t feel like I get got it in me.

Basically DH’s family live 2.5 hours away, this year, MIL has asked if we would host Christmas and host them all (by them all, it’s MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and their 3 DC aged 4, 7 and 9)

Inlaws and I don’t have the greatest relationship, there’s been no huge failings out or anything, we’re just v different people with little in common and I struggle to spend loads of time around them, which is unfortunate as whenever we do see each other, it’s for 3 days at a time!

SIL and MiL are very ‘matriarchal’ and whenever they come here tend to take over and treat the house as if it were their own and basically dictate and dominate plans. Something which I do frequently push back on, which results in atmospheres and faces like slapped bums.

I REALLY don’t want them all here Christmas Eve. The last couple of years, DH and DC have had a routine of doing something Christmassy during the day (which in laws would be welcome to join us on but they hate doing anything that isn’t sitting about the house) and then going to the village pub for a drink with friends late afternoon before going home and putting milk etc out for the reindeer and watching a Christmas film. Christmas morning we have just us 4 until whoever we’e hosting for Christmas arrives or we leave late morning to go see family etc.

I hate the thought of having an extra 7 people to have to try and find space for, there’d have to be people on blow up beds in the lounge, which is already rammed to the rafters at Christmas with the tree and kids presents etc.

Ideally I’d like them to get an air B&B down the road somewhere for Christmas Eve, spend Christmas morning there and then come to us at lunchtime and stay Christmas Day and leave on Boxing Day. I just don’t want them there Christmas Eve. I just know it’ll be MIL and SIL trying to take over, trying to make it all about DH’s nephews and god knows where we’d put presents for another 7 people, especially as those kids get A LOT.

I just want a bit of peace Christmas morning as well to just open our presents here and relax for an hour or so before having to start prepping to do the dinner etc.

DH has said it’s really rude to ask them to stay in alternative accomodation Christmas Eve. AIBU?

"There's not enough room and Christmas Eve is too busy. We'd love to have you for Christmas lunch, but we can't have everyone sleeping here Christmas Eve"

No way! That sounds awful. Just say you haven’t the room but they can stay in an airbnb close by. That’s too many people and will ruin your Christmas.

I’m sorry we don’t have the room.
happy to see you at lunch time- food will be ready for 2 so how about you get here for 1? 😃

I’d also say you have plans Christmas Eve - you do not need to spend 3 days together. It’s too much.

It’s a bit late in the day to ask them to get an Air B&B … maybe do a bit of research before you drop the bomb

Traditionally on Christmas Eve there is no room at the inn. YANBU

drawing a boundary is not rude. Especially when you’re hosting, it means you get to call the shots.
you just tell them; you’re v welcome over any time from X for dinner,

They shouldn’t have invited themselves over - 7 people! And said she has to cook Christmas dinner too.

Absolutely not. I have always been happy to have as many guests as I can accommodate with proper beds, in proper bedrooms and with a proper chair at the dining room table. No more.

SiL 2 and BIL tried it on with BIL's family when we had a small three bed terrace and one of the rooms was a study. I said no. Was 35 years ago. They never tried it on again.
YANBU.

Nope. There is no way I’d be agreeing to that. YANBU.

Why do they even want to cram in like that?

Perfect!

Because they’re incredibly claustrophobic. Never met anyone like them. If we’re not all joined at the hip 24/7 when we’re together they’re not happy!

Am I getting this right that you're happy to have them stay over on Christmas night but not Christmas Eve? If so YABU, they either stay both nights or they don't stay at all.

For your Christmas eve plans I think soft YABU. I get that your plans sounds much better than have in laws around, but it sounds like it's a one off so you should make the effort, particularly if your husband wants this.

But if you don't have space then it's not unreasonable to ask them to get a rental somewhere. Or see if one of your friend is going away and would agree to let them stay over / rent them the space cheaper than hotel or Airbnb.

7 people=no.

Yanbu

They should come on Christmas Day and stay elsewhere

We booked a place just today, plenty of options available.

Can I ask why?

Where is your DH in all this? Just get him to tell them you have plans Christmas Eve and not enough space for people to stay anyway but if they want to come for Christmas dinner it’ll be served at whatever o’clock and bring the desert?

As is often the case, the first reply nails it, for me anyway! It is what it is, and present it as such.

I agree with @RosesAndHellebores . Only as many as there’s proper rooms for. It’s crap for everyone if people sleep in the social spaces.

I think it’s a bit rich for your MIL to expect you to host an extra 4 adults a 3 young children for Xmas. I’d being saying that they are welcome for lunch but unfortunately there is no room for them to stay.

Inviting themselves is a liberty, to start with. Expecting you to have a crowded house all over Chrstmas is real CF territory.

People's expectations at Christmas time can be utterly unreasonable.

YANBU. Explain to DH that of he doesn't agree, he can do all the hosting.

Bit late in the day to try and invite yourself to stay at someone’s house for Christmas, they’re the ones who should’ve been doing some research, why on earth should the OP be sorting Airbnbs for them?