To not want Inlaws to stay Christmas Eve?

[Secretgarden88]

I know I probably am BU, but I just don’t feel like I get got it in me.

Basically DH’s family live 2.5 hours away, this year, MIL has asked if we would host Christmas and host them all (by them all, it’s MIL, FIL, SIL, BIL and their 3 DC aged 4, 7 and 9)

Inlaws and I don’t have the greatest relationship, there’s been no huge failings out or anything, we’re just v different people with little in common and I struggle to spend loads of time around them, which is unfortunate as whenever we do see each other, it’s for 3 days at a time!

SIL and MiL are very ‘matriarchal’ and whenever they come here tend to take over and treat the house as if it were their own and basically dictate and dominate plans. Something which I do frequently push back on, which results in atmospheres and faces like slapped bums.

I REALLY don’t want them all here Christmas Eve. The last couple of years, DH and DC have had a routine of doing something Christmassy during the day (which in laws would be welcome to join us on but they hate doing anything that isn’t sitting about the house) and then going to the village pub for a drink with friends late afternoon before going home and putting milk etc out for the reindeer and watching a Christmas film. Christmas morning we have just us 4 until whoever we’e hosting for Christmas arrives or we leave late morning to go see family etc.

I hate the thought of having an extra 7 people to have to try and find space for, there’d have to be people on blow up beds in the lounge, which is already rammed to the rafters at Christmas with the tree and kids presents etc.

Ideally I’d like them to get an air B&B down the road somewhere for Christmas Eve, spend Christmas morning there and then come to us at lunchtime and stay Christmas Day and leave on Boxing Day. I just don’t want them there Christmas Eve. I just know it’ll be MIL and SIL trying to take over, trying to make it all about DH’s nephews and god knows where we’d put presents for another 7 people, especially as those kids get A LOT.

I just want a bit of peace Christmas morning as well to just open our presents here and relax for an hour or so before having to start prepping to do the dinner etc.

DH has said it’s really rude to ask them to stay in alternative accomodation Christmas Eve. AIBU?

I would genuinely feel suicidal at the thought of all those people crammed into my house, sleeping on floors.

If you enjoy it, that’s fine. For some of us it’s absolutely a hard no.

Either you or your DH just message and say that’s lovely we’d love to have you. We obviously can’t fit everything in so have been looking for air bnbs/hotels and found these….’

He doesn’t want you to cause any friction but meanwhile you will, no doubt, be doing all the wifework.
If he wants them, he can do all the hosting while you chill. But that’s not going to happen.

So they've said they'd like to stay for Xmas- the ball is in the court.

Why not reply saying already got plans for Xmas eve - why not suggest drive down Xmas day - all kids can open stockings in their own homes and also gives you space and time to prep Xmas dinner. Then stay Xmas day and Boxing Day leaving 27 as you have plans with friends/your family.

I'd just say there's no room at the Inn and Christmas Eve is just for you and the kids. They are welcome to turn up Christmas Day after 11am. Life is too short to please people who are rude and try to walk all over you.

It's what many of us do. I live in a different country so when they visit (or vice versa), it's all or nothing... and I love it. It's crazy... but crazy good.

This year, for the first time ever, it looks like it might be just us and the kids, and I'm quite sad about that.

Who wants a 2.5 hr drive christmas day?

I'm willing to bet they don't want this upheaval either given that there's tension with OP, but they're doing it to spend time with dh at christmas, which he's entitled to.

I agree.

It sounds like a nightmare.

It sounds horrendous having 7 people sleep over in your home over Christmas when you haven’t beds/bedroom for them. Crazy having guests sleep in the lounge where presumably Santa will visit, presents left, etc. Insist on the Airbnb both night or sorry, you can’t host them.

If your children are toddlers/young children, they will be totally overwhelmed by the extra seven.

Just tell them there's no room at the inn. My DS is rehearsing the part of the inn keeper for his school play, if you need help as to what to say.

I'm willing to bet they don't want this upheaval either given that there's tension with OP, but they're doing it to spend time with dh at christmas, which he's entitled to.

They can spend time with DH, without sleeping on his lounge floor

Good one!

My kids wouldn’t let their gran sleep in our lounge last Christmas because then Santa wouldn’t be able to deliver the presents. She had to squeeze into their small bedroom 😂 If they are so dominant maybe you should just sit back/relax and let them be in charge of everything. Spend some time with your kids instead

Why is he not allowed to invite his family over though? It seems he wants them to come! We all have to make sacrifices the odd Christmas, and it sounds like OP usually has Christmas her way

For this exact reason I told my in laws they can come but we’re going out to lunch & we’ll buy the lunch but they have to stay both nights at the pub down the road. They are also the sort of just want to sit about the house all day, when we are very outdoorsy. So basically, they can join us on Christmas morning and Christmas afternoon going outside, Or they can sit in my house on their own…

But seven overnight guests is taking the piss!

Have you already agreed?

Your dh need to step up. I would be having a conversation along the lines of they stay in an Airbnb for two nights or they don’t come. if they do come he is to tell them to stop taking over otherwise you will leave it to him and just sit in the lounge with the kids.

Exactly. Let Christmas be DH's family Christmas this year.

Op how often do you have them for Christmas or have you been to them?

It sounds like people are putting their foot down a bit, which makes me think you've been a bit controlling about Christmas?

No one said he can't see his family or that they cant come to see him but that doesn't mean that 7 of them have to decend upon their house over Christmas uninvited!

There are hotels open over Christmas, so yes get them to stay there. Your house doesn't sound big enough for 7 guests!

Yes, it's a lot, especially if you're not used to it. But it is DHs family and he wants them there. How often do they visit?

I think it’s fine to host for the day. But 7 people rocking up to stay is a bit much, they should get an air bnb. YANBU

Why is he not allowed to invite his family over though? It seems he wants them to come! We all have to make sacrifices the odd Christmas, and it sounds like OP usually has Christmas her way

He is allowed to have his family over, it’s just that there’s insufficient room for them to stay overnight

But maybe they've been invited by him! Either way, he wants this. Now, if it happened more than every 2nd year, it would be a different story, but it doesn't sound like it.